


Precious Devotion

by realmSpinner, Rukazaya



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Cheating, Drugs, M/M, Misunderstandings, Points of View, fuck buddies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-13
Updated: 2013-07-01
Packaged: 2017-12-14 21:52:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 56,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/841780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/realmSpinner/pseuds/realmSpinner, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rukazaya/pseuds/Rukazaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Izaya is upset upon finding out Shizuo thinks he's cheating on him, and in a fit of anger, goes to do just that. Things don't go as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Addiction

**Title:** Precious Devotion ****  
Authors: RukawaGF and MistressKiko (Collaboration! 8D) ****  
Rating: M  
 **Pairing:** Shizuo x Izaya  
 **Disclaimer:**  I own none of these characters!

 **THIS STORY CONTAINS MALExMALE RELATIONSHIPS**. You have been warned.

 **Shizuo's POV**  
-  
The bed was creaking as we moved frantically on the mattress, the encompassing burst of pure ecstasy hovering just beneath the surface.

"Aaah... haaa...! harder," Izaya gasped, arching his body against me like a cat.

I immediately bite down on his shoulder, delighted at his aggravated yelp. But that yelp quickly turns into a chuckle, and he continues to moan a winded repetition of a horrid nickname, "Shizu-chan, Shizu-chan... ah, now you're going to fast."

Make up your damn mind!

This is what always pisses me off about him. He insists on playing mind games with that brilliant mind of his that I couldn't decipher if you gave me my entire life to do it. He knows entirely too much about everyone in this town, which normally wouldn't bother me, but he just happens to know entirely too much about  _me_.

Like how sensitive my ear is, which is what he was currently nibbling on.

I shudder at the sensation, my heartbeat like drums against my ears as the scraping of his teeth against my lobe and his soft insides clamping down on me drive me over the edge. My hands grip at his thin waist and I wonder, like I do every single time we have sex, why I'm so addicted to him.

How the hell did we even get in this fucked up relationship? It really wasn't that long ago that I switched from throwing a vending machine  _at him_  to throwing  _him_  down on any available surface and fucking his brains out.

It's a strange, strange addiction.

And no doubt one that was going to kill me one day, because  _fuck_ , he was still bouncing on my lap! I wince, the over-stimulation near driving me insane, and I quickly put a stop to it by tightening my grip on his waist.

"Ow, don't be so rough," Izaya whines, bringing a hand down to furiously pump at his erection, "I need to come too, Shizu-chan. Kiss me, please?"

His eyes are half-lidded and his mouth slightly open as he breathes harshly. I nearly groan as I give in immediately, leaning forward to capture his lips in a hot, wet kiss. He mewls happily, and I feel his body tense before his come squirts all over my chest.

Damn it, I did it again.

I curse myself as I pull back from the kiss, frowning at the sticky mess on my body. If there is one thing I hate most about Orihara Izaya, it's the fact I give into him way too easily. Even though I rack my brain, trying to tell myself that absolutely no good is going to come out of being fuck-buddies, I have never once turned down the chance to meet up with him like this.

And it frightens me.

I keep saying, "Next time will be the last."

Then he comes busting through the door with those lust-filled eyes and that sinful tongue and I find myself right back where I started. But I feel like an absolute idiot afterward, every single time. Because I know Izaya isn't suffering anything close to this so-called 'addiction.' In fact, I wouldn't put it behind the bastard to go romping with someone else right after he steps out of my apartment door.

It is a well-known thing around Ikeburkuro. Izaya is a huge flirt, and has probably slept with more than half the town.

I'm jealous. I'm so jealous it hurts sometimes.

But that's why I have to end this. Somehow, someway, I have to push Izaya away. Because if I don't, that brilliant little mind is going to catch on to something that I would rather die than admit.

I observe as he slides off me and unceremoniously collapses on the bed, completely unperturbed about his nakedness, and sighs happily.

"Shizu-chan, that was dreamy," he says with a crooked grin, propping his head up on one hand and using the other hand to trace a finger up my leg, "I want another round~!"

It left a bitter taste in my mouth.

"You say that to all the people you fuck?" I ask coldly. This usually happens. I let my thoughts get to me and end up in a foul mood after sex with him. Though I've never actually called him out on his escapades before.

After rubbing my chest off with the sheets that I'll be washing as soon as he leaves, I grab hold of my pack of cigarettes and lighter from the nightstand. I spare him a glance as I light my cigarette.

He looks almost stunned, before his eyes narrow into accusing slits.

"Care to expand on that, Shizu-chan? What  _other_ people?" He asks with a tight voice.

He should be an actor, really.

I blew smoke from my mouth.

"Your other fuck-buddies. You keep calling me up and they might get jealous," I reply, inwardly cringing when I practically described myself.

But he wasn't going to know that.

I watch as he opens his mouth, and then shuts it again. It's actually a strange sight, to see Izaya caught off-guard like this. Does he really think I'm stupid enough to not catch on?

"I don't know what you're talking about, Shizu-chan," is his response, a seething anger lining his words, "I happen to have just one 'fuck-buddy'. And he's this lousy protozoan with anger management problems."

I bent my cigarette in half.

This little shit.

"So you're gonna lie  _and_ insult me? Get the fuck out, Izaya," I warn, throwing my ruined cigarette into the ashtray.

He grits his teeth and sneers at me, all of the passion and happiness from earlier completely vanished.

"Oh? So after a good fuck you're planning to throw me out like some cheap whore?" He asks, now sitting up. His back is ramrod straight and tense, his words biting.

He always has to create drama, doesn't he?

"Isn't that what they all do?" I ask, looking at him pointedly.

Izaya's jaw drops for a second before he closes it shut with a snap. He grips onto the bedsheets tightly, scrunching them up in front of him as his body winds up. His eyes practically glow with livid anger.

"First of all Shizu-chan. I believe I've said I only happen to have one fuck-buddy and it's quite unfortunate that I'm landed with you. That being said, if I WERE to have other fuck buddies, I'd make sure they beg for more of me than throwing me out on the streets after one quick fuck. And lastly, you're NOT throwing me out. I'm LEAVING before you do!"

With that, he hastily gathered his clothes and threw them on haphazardly, muttering under his breath the entire time.

The door slammed behind him, and I was left alone.

Izaya never even looked back.

Fuck, was I too harsh?

Did it even matter?

Groaning, I fell back against the bed, and instantly wished I hadn't. His scent still lingered on the sheets.

I knew I was utterly contradicting myself, but I swore it was for the best as I buried my face in those sheets.

 **Izaya's POV**  
-  
I drum my fingers and sigh irritably as I stare blankly into my computer screen. The words jumble into meaningless images that float across my eyes. Memories of last night keep rewinding themselves in my head like a film on repeat, looping again and again as I relive those infuriating moments. Shizu-chan has always been unpredictable but last night was more than just 'unexpected.'

" _You say that to all the people you fuck?"_

I bite my lips as I recall his words. That protozoan head! How dare he? Calling me a cheap whore that gets passed around like some contagious STD!

Alright, I will begrudgingly admit partially blame to a degree on the accusation of being flirtatious. However, one does have a reputation to maintain. Yes, I do flirt with my clients just a bit, 'coy' and 'cunning' are my two middle names, along with several others of course such as 'charisma.' I want to be taken seriously and that's quite hard to do at my age in this business. I need to look sharp yet reliable, trustworthy but dangerous. Someone they will know not to mess with but will still come begging at my door step and grovel at my feet for what measly information I can offer. There's a lot more involved in being an information broker than just delivering the right information all the time.

So if the rumors flow towards benefiting my reputation, I let them flourish.

But I never thought it would come bite me back one day.

Regardless of the circumstances, situations and conditions met last night, Shizu-chan's treatment was beyond despicable! That dumb brute can never truly appreciate my sapient mastermind as I weave my grand scheme of events. He never has!

I sigh once again burden down with heavy agitation. From the corner of my eyes I can see my secretary roll her eyes and snort. I nibble at my lower lips as my eyes revert back to my 'work.'

But I can't focus. Not when I can still recall my ears burning as he yells those spiteful words. Not when I ache in places where his scorching hands mark my body. And not when my muscles still remember how he forces my body to move in tandem with his rhythmic strokes and thrusts.

It's insufferable. It's infuriating! That's what I hate about him! The way he makes me feel so damn good in one moment and then breaks me with those nasty words in the next.

_*SLAM*_

I blink and turn to look up at my agitated secretary, snapping my thoughts away from that detestable man.

"Here are the files. I hope you did your share of your  _work_ ," her words are just as biting too.

Shrugging indifferently, I look back to my  _work_ , "if I can't finish it, I guess I'll hand it to you tomorrow."

I smirk inwardly as I watch the effects of my nonchalant voice take a toll on my cute secretary.

" _Well_ , I've finished my share for the day so I'm clocking out," she huffed.

I wave my hand without bothering to turn towards her. "Of course, Namie-san. I wouldn't want you to stay too far apart from your love life. I know how you can be with your particular frustrations, so I do hope you can satisfy your needs tonight before you come back to work tomorrow."

Turning away from her, I grab my cold coffee. I hate cold coffee but I sip it anyway for the effect.

I don't even need to see what kind of effects my words have on her to know my results as I could hear those loud clacking high heels march toward the door and slam it shut behind her.

I grin sardonically as I'm left alone in my office once again. It's silent and quiet, without a presence of a single human being. I clutch my chest a bit when I feel that small jab of pain in my heart as I hear not a single sound of breathing in this large office save but for my own.

After a long sigh, I get up to stretch, making a loud clattering noise as I do so to make up for the silence. Walking up to my window, I peer down to see humans busy themselves in the streets like ants, all going from one place to another with a goal in mind.

I place my hand on the large glass that stretches across from wall to wall and lean forward. How I love humans. Their energy and vigor, their spontaneity as well as old unbreakable habits. It vexes me that I love them this much yet I'm still left alone in my office at the end of the day. I don't love one human, true, but they should all love me regardless. It's only fair! I love them more than anyone else could love them. I can guarantee that!

Gritting my teeth I rush forward to grab my coat. The fur fringes nestle around my neck comfortingly with the warmth I yearn for. I turn off my computer. My work can wait. It's time to show those humans that they need to love me back!

Shizu-chan, if you want to play it that way, I'll show you what I'm made of. So you think I sleep around with other men? Fine! Believe whatever the hell you want. Let's see how you'll feel when I do sleep around with those ' _other men'_  and show you some proof that I do love humanity compared to what diminutive affections I have for you. I'll shove it in your face that I sure as hell can enjoy sex with other people more so than with some hot-headed Nethanderal monster!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! So.. yes.. RukawaGF and I were talking and she came up with the idea to do a collaboration between us, haha! This is not going to be either of our main projects, so don't expect my super fast updates!
> 
> This can also be found on the Kink Meme and it was inspired by a prompt there~
> 
> This is a challenge to both us authors, because while I have never written anything non-AU before, Ruka has never written anything in POV before XD But we really liked how this first chapter came out and decided to share~ Just some interesting information: Any dialogue/thoughts by Shizuo are mine, and any dialogue/thoughts by Izaya are hers!
> 
> R&R? :D


	2. Without

**Izaya's POV  
-**

Shinjuku Ni-chōme, area 2 of Shinjuku. I can't say I visit here frequently yet I can't say I visit here infrequently either. All my visits entailed observation purposes or business negotiations. But tonight is different.

Tonight, I am trying to get myself laid.

You know, that term is so vulgar, I sometimes wonder if Shizu-chan's barbaric simplicity is rubbing off on me. And I really doubt Shinra has a concoction to cure such ailment.

Whatever. I'll just have to make sure to surround myself with a bit more refined clique closer to my seasoned tastes.

I walk into the bar, the name 'Hard Cock' is lit above the entrance. As I step in, my eyes are assaulted with seizure inducing neon strobe lights pulsating from the ceiling. There are only men in here, a large crowd of them dancing on the stage with blaring noise that would give anyone more headache than groove. However it looks like they don't care as they are busily humping each other rather than actually trying to dance.

Okay, maybe I am in the wrong place to look for some sophistication here but the night is young, I can always switch locations to match my mood.

Walking through the haze of smoke that fogs my view, I watch and observe my latest surrounding with leisure. There is a couple trying to devour each other's mouth in one corner as their fingers fiddle around the front of their jeans. Another group of men leaning against the wall are checking me out since I'm obviously the newcomer. I give them a succinct glance to acknowledge that I know they are eyeing me but turn away to prove that I'm not interested in their blatant boorish desires.

As I turn and come to a halt, my eyes land on the blond bartender. My body freezes up in its place. My heart thumps fast, louder than that raucous noise that they call 'music' upstage. Nibbling at my lower lips again out of habit, I approach the bar.

It isn't  _him_ of course. I know that. But I walk up and sit in front of the bar anyway to order something to drink. The man before me is ugly, nothing at all like a certain man I know with the same outfit and the same bleached hair. This guy is uncouth and slow as his short stubby hands try to mix a simple drink. Even Shizu-chan can make something faster than that.

Instead of the slow blond, the man with spiked blue hair approaches me and asks what I'd like to order. I'm used to drinking wines over liquor but I am pretty sure I'm pushing my luck to ask for an aged wine at such an establishment.

"Screaming Orgasm," I say without much interest. The bartender looks up with one eyebrow arched up, his lips thinning in amusement. "We don't have that here."

Okay, what kind of bar doesn't have brandy or cognac?

"Fine,  _Blow Job_ then," I grind my teeth as I daringly look up at the blue haired man with a lip ring. If they didn't have  _that_  here, then this place needs to shut down or be renamed 'Cockblock!'

The bartender chuckles and straightens up. "Got it kid."  
 _  
Kid?_

Well that did it.

"My, I didn't know you served drinks to minors here. Why don't you try calling me that one more time and let's see how fast I can close down this shop?"

He just chuckles again as he tousles my hair. "Kid, didn't mean to ruffle your feathers. You're a newcomer. It's obvious you're trying too hard to impress everyone here who're our regulars. You know they're watching you don't cha?"

I manage to hide my scowl and grin back with my charming mask # 18.

"Of course. Did I pass the test, master?"

"Full mark kid. Just watch yourself though, don't want you getting in no trouble. Them are like wolves out ther' and you're a baby lamb."

How little he knows about me.

As if on cue, soon after as the bartender leaves, one of the guys from the group of men who are eyeing me walk up to sit next to me.

"Hey, I'll buy his drink," he shouts to the blue hair as he leans back on the bar and looks at me in the eye. I just smirk right back at him.

"Thanks but I can buy my own."

"It's a tradition here that no newcomer is allowed to buy his own drink the first time." An oily smirk. He has one ugly lazy eye.

Fucking liar. He just made that up on the spot. And it's one helluva poor pick-up line.

"Sorry but I'm a rebel. I'm not interested in some old tradition that doesn't concern me."

Seriously, his intentions are too obvious. I wouldn't mind playing him like a lute if I was on my normal prowl to observe human beings in their natural habitat. However, tonight I have a specific goal in mind and he fails on the first category alone.

Lack of finesse.

Just then the bartender interrupts us as he places the shot glass in front of me with a slight force, getting our attention. It's a warm mocha brown color like the amber reflections of Shizu-chan's eyes.

"You do know how to drink it I presume?" the bartender asks making sure. His eyes twinkle, definitely amused by my antics.

"Of course." Confidently, I place my hands behind my back as if they're tied in handcuffs and lean forward. Flicking out my pink tongue to lick the rim of the glass once, I start to swallow.

The almond flavored coffee and cream rushes into my mouth filling me up before it burns down my throat. I hate cold coffee and the taste is sickeningly sweet with too much cream and Disaronno Amaretto. Some of the dense liquid dribbles down the sides of lips as I lean in further to tip it with my teeth and tongue without spilling the content of the shot glass on the table.

After I finished swallowing most of the thick liquid, I pull back up triumphantly, my hands still tucked behind me. I lick the excess that trickled down my chin with a slow caressing of my tongue that beckons for more.

Gazing back at the crowd, I know I have completely captured them.

"Shit. Fuck!" the guy next to me grips down somewhere low. Probably his pants. I would be offended if he hadn't jizzed after that show.

I coolly wipe the rest of the thick creamy substance away with my thumb and my forefinger and slowly start licking them too. After sucking on them for a good measure, I ask for a napkin to wipe off the rest.

As I'm wiping my sticky fingers, another man sits next to me. The bartender slaps another drink in front of me.

"His treat," the blue haired bartender tells me as he walks away with a wink.

I smirk at my new potential beau. This one is much more brawn and dashing looking, his brown hair slicked back. Well that's a step up at least.

"I recall saying that I buy my own drinks," but my fingers are already teasing the rim of the glass as I encircle it. I know everyone's watching every single movement I make by now with hungry eyes.

"Don't cheapen yourself. Surely that show you performed isn't meant to be free," he smoothly banters.

I twitch just a bit. Those words sting more than they should. I know he doesn't mean it in the way I perceive it but I can feel my chest tighten as Shizu-chan's words come to my mind.

Grabbing the glass cup, I drink it all in one shot.

It's bitter as the liquid sears down my throat and chest. It hurt.

Wincing at the acerbity, I force myself not to cough. Instead I clear my throat. That stuff is strong!

"Man, you downed that shit! You sure can hold your liquor," another man leaned against the bar as he joined us.

I haughtily flicker a passing glance and shrug. "Is this all I'm receiving for the night?"

The brunet who bought me my drink smirks, his eyes glint with layers of several intentions that I can clearly imagine. I merely stare back just as daringly.

He grabs my hand and pulls me. The sudden jerk makes me stumble briefly, but I quickly regain my footing as he leads me to the dance floor.

And in the back of my head I try to convince myself, this is what I've been wanting all along.

**Shizuo's POV  
-**

Nearly twenty-four hours had passed since Izaya walked out in a fit of anger. There wasn't a single message from him on my phone, and I check one more time just to be sure.

Still nothing.

This is absolutely ridiculous. I mean, we have gone longer than a day without contact. He has a job and a life outside of me. But I had still yet to part from my phone for more than a minute. I was desperate for the normality of him calling me up with some daring suggestion, a time, and a place. Though I guess I couldn't call that a 'normality' because it was definitely not normal to have sex with someone you hate.

I'm sure he has always hated me. Especially now that I'd practically told him he was a slut and didn't give him what he wanted when he asked for another round.

But I don't hate him. I hate the way he can get under my skin, and how his relentless teasing and begging leaves me wanting to please him. I despise the way my heartbeat quickens when he's around, threatening my already-minuscule amount of self-control. He was a user, and I was letting him use me just to satisfy this deplorable emotion I felt that was driving me crazy.

It makes me sick.

I almost glance down at my phone again, but bite my lip and continue looking straight ahead.

So he isn't calling me. This is a good thing. I'll be more than glad if he disappears from my life. I just wish he'd drag these strange feelings along with him. Then I'd be set.

I force myself to set the phone down, and then strip myself of my clothes. I am just going to take a shower, go to bed, and continue on with my life tomorrow morning. I spent the vast majority of my life without him, and it was most definitely less confusing and nerve-wracking back then, so I should be happy to have that again.

I turn the water on, feeling until it's at just the right temperature before slipping in. The streams of water feel amazing on my skin and the warmth lets my body relax.

So what if Izaya is an incredible and convenient lay? Hell, I can always go find someone else to quell my sexual urges. Someone without all the mind-games, mood-swings, and lies included in the package.

" _Aaah... haaa...! harder."_

Someone who doesn't demand things from me and beg like a bitch when he doesn't get what he wants.

" _Shizu-chan, Shizu-chan."_

Someone who doesn't call me by that ridiculous nickname.

" _Kiss me, please?"_

Motherfucking-

I groan when all the blood rushes down to my middle. Not only was I becoming addicted to Izaya, but our frequent hook-ups had made my body start reacting to a mere few sensual thoughts!

Almost shamefully, I wrap my hand around my engorged cock and pump myself, hard and deliberate. I breathe through my mouth when my nose is no longer sufficient enough, and steadily increase my pace as I watch trickles of water roll down my skin. They remind me of Izaya, sweating as he gyrates his hips against me, and my pace is near frantic when I finally swing my head down and find my release.

It takes me a moment to gather my thoughts as I absentmindedly watch my seed twirl down the drain.

Fuck it all. I knew I wasn't going to go offering myself to random people. Because that's what  _he_  did. That was why he wasn't  _here_  right now. I was not going to allow myself to stoop so low.

I made the rest of my shower quick, and never even looked back at the phone as I turned off the light and slipped under the covers.

It was a stressful day, and sleep was coming quickly.

But while I lie awake, I try to convince myself, this is what I've been wanting all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MistressKiko
> 
> To those who are confused:
> 
> Any dialogue by Izaya, regardless of POV, is by Ruka. Any dialogue by Shizuo, regardless of POV, is by me.
> 
> Anything other than Shizuo's dialogue written in Izaya's POV is Ruka's. Anything other than Izaya's dialogue written in Shizuo's POV is mine.
> 
> Hope that clears some things up.
> 
>  
> 
> \-------------------------------------------
> 
> RukawaGF
> 
> Hello~ Second author speaking~ A quick Author's note here. The prompt at Drrrkinkmeme was to have "Izaya only EVER, EVER slept with only one person [Shizuo~] " and "for Izaya to be genuinely disgusted and disturbed by the mere idea of anyone else besides Shizuo touching him." Because Izaya loves humans, this is probably a bit ooc, but please understand it's written this way to fulfil the prompt. Thank you for understanding and thank you again for reading!


	3. Playing the Game

**WARNING: Graphic attempted rape**

**Izaya's POV  
-**

There's a few things about me that everyone should know. First, I'm graceful. The word ' _awkward_ ' does not exist in my vocabulary. I'm a parkour master to the core of my bones and not even Shizu-chan could catch up to my exponential talent.

Second, I'm a genius. Wait, let's reverse that. First I'm a genius, second I'm graceful.

Third, I have a remarkably perceptive observational skill.

So. Put all these three together, I should be able to mimic any dance moves as soon as I see them even if I've never stepped those same groovy footing before.

But goddammit, grinding and dry humping is not a dance move!

As this man, whose name I don't even know yet pulls me to the dance floor, I'm immediately pressed against bodies covered in sweat. The noise is deafening and the accumulating body heat in such a tight place is enough to make me feel nauseated. I love humans, I really do. But I also love my hygiene as well as my personal space!

I love humans as I watch them crumple to the floor when I cut the puppet strings. I love humans as I watch them down below me from the highest vantage point with a clear view. I enjoy watching them as I sit in my office, sipping my warm black coffee from the luxury of my comfy swivel chair and my highspeed internet computer with multiple camera angles.

What I do not love, is being compressed into a sandwich between disgusting hormone-crazed pigs who smell like that have not taken a bath in few centuries!

I grudgingly allow this brunet to pull me possessively as several hands already grab and pinch my ass multiple times. I can see all of them staring at me like fresh meat to devour. I'm trying very hard to convince myself that I had planned all this –which I  _did_ \- and yes this is something I do want.

Somehow.

I'm loving the attention but I really can do without the smell and all the bad touches.

Brunet's eyes are glinting with lust and I can see through his gluttonous intentions all too easily. I put a bold front as I'm sure my wearing my devilishly charming smirk. Those large hands wrap behind me and squeeze hard on my bottoms. Before I can react, he thrusts forward as well as pulls me in greedily. Gritting my teeth, I bear with it. It feels disgusting and his raw scent is sickening. I close my eyes and move with him as he rubs against me, as other surrounding bodies also hump me in all directions.

This isn't a dance floor. It's a sex-crazed orgy using poor excuse of noise they call  _music_  for legitimate groping!

He kneads me into what he probably considers a sensual and seductive grinding but I can't follow it.

I don't know this rhythm.

This isn't the pulse I dance to.

The raunchy stink is suffocating, and the lust filled haze in the air intoxicating. All I'm thinking is 'I want to get out of here!'

Wait-, what the fuck!

There's a fucking dirty hand that just dipped under the front of my pants and started to stroke me! And I know it's not this brunet's since _both_ of his hands are still on my ass!

I've had it! I break free immediately. I'm sick of giving these disgusting pigs a free touch. Goddamit I'm expensive! People pay thousands and millions of yen to even see me and ask for a piece of information!

Stumbling away from the stink of debauchery, I walk back to the bar stools. Before I could reach to my seat, that repulsive brunet catches me as he grabs my shoulder and yanks me hard.

"Already tired kid? The fun hasn't even begun," he taunts me. As if I'll fall for such a feeble goading!

"Who said I'm done? I just want some water," I shrug indifferently. I'm not letting him think that his pitiable sex grinding had any effect on me. In fact, it didn't. He obviously has a raging hard on, and I feel revolted by his touches.

I shrug him off as I sit down. I do have a splitting headache and sick in the stomach.

A sharp tap and a glass of water is placed in front of me. Without thinking, I swing it down.

!

I spit out the content immediately but I've swallowed some. Fuck! Something is numbing my tongue and my throat.

This isn't water!

I flash a glare at the man before me but all he gives me a sleazy smirk.

"Like I said, the fun hasn't begun yet."

* * *

It started as a game.

No games are fun unless something is at stake. The higher the stake is, the more thrilling and suspenseful the game becomes.

And what could be more high-stakes than betting one's own life?

Now don't get me wrong. I love my life. In fact, I love  _all_  life. I love all of humanity more than anything in this world. I want to love it forever and ever, eternally.

That being said, I am not someone who'll throw my life away so easily. Games are meant to be enjoyed. Games are meant to be won. It wouldn't be as fun if one lost the game now, would it?

The thrill of playing this game with Shizu-chan isn't simply because my life is at stake as he chases me down every day and night ever since we first laid our eyes on each other. No, it's that spice called 'unpredictability' that makes it truly entertaining. As much as I love winning, it does drag if you can predict the outcome of all games. Even with high stakes in place, the thrill is lost if you are sure you'll win ten out of ten.

A good game is when the dark horse wins by a narrow margin. The thrill that comes as one grips at the edges of their seat, staring intently as they hold on to the ticket that holds all of one's gamble. As your winning horse races to the finish line, just barely a step behind the lead.

The glorious euphoria that seizes your soul when your horse outruns your enemies and utterly crushes all hopes of your adversaries!

Ah yes, now that my friend is a good game.

So I decided to start another game with Shizu-chan. I hate how unpredictable he is, but I will admit, I do find some enjoyment in the 'unexpected.' Just that aspect, and that aspect alone, is what I love about him. I can do without Shizu-chan himself.

…. I think.

Either way, that day was just another day when I decided I wanted to play a different game. Being chased around Ikebukuro is fun and all, but if it becomes repetitive, it also becomes boring.

So I seduced him.

Now, I have never touched another human being nor have I slept with any. I love all humanity but this doesn't mean that I love any one personally. Equality means not being bias with favorites after all.

But hey, Shizu-chan's a monster. So he doesn't count as 'human' in my dictionary.

So when I first had sex with him, I did it to spite him. To watch him want me, yet hate me. To smirk as he craved for me, yet despised himself for desiring me.

That is, until I found out how  _addicting_  his touches were!

Goddamit Shizu-chan! Why do you always have to be so damn  _unpredictable_? I really did  _not_ expect myself to fucking fall for  _his_  side of seduction!

The way he touches me, caresses me, sucks on me, kisses me and just plain fucks me until my brain can no longer process any other word except calling out his name for more! Turning me into a slut longing for just one more touch, one more kiss and one more affection!

It aggravates me but the game isn't over yet. To seduce and be seduced. I am not planning to lose this game. No matter what, I plan to win. No matter how unpredictable he is, no matter how addicting he is, I still plan to be the triumphant winner at the end of the day.

So, I wonder to myself what I'm doing here as this man who I still don't even know his name, pins me against some brick wall in the nearby alleyway and starts forcing his disgusting tongue inside my mouth.

Oh yuck, I think he hasn't brushed his teeth since his mom stopped reminding him.

"Come on baby, let me inside," he says. I snort. Baby? I mean,  _seriously_. I'm stuck with  _this guy_ to get laid for the night?

My body's too numb to push him off. I can barely stand as he roughly grinds me against the wall. Ugh, I can feel his filthy cock jabbing against me. His breath reeks and his hands are greasy as they grope my bony hips.

…fuck he did  _not_  just twist my nipples!

I grit my teeth now that his lips are on my forcefully taunt nipple, refusing to moan! I absolutely will not moan to his crude bites and to his primitive suckings! Where his lips leave me, I feel a chill as the repulsive saliva lingers along with fresh bruise marks. He finally unzipped my pants and I can feel them slip low to my knees. I struggle even though I know it's no use. I refuse to make this easy for him!

My eyes widen when I feel his finger starts to dig inside my entrance.

"Shit-!" I couldn't help but yelp as his finger tunnels inside me, his low greedy chuckle repulsing. No one has ever touched me there except for Shizu-chan. I have never allowed anyone to get this far with me but Shizu-chan. As I can feel that finger penetrate me, violating my ego, I realize for the first time, I didn't want it to be anyone but Shizu-chan that touched me.

Why did it matter?

Aren't I doing this to spite him? Isn't this what I wanted? So then why the fuck did everything feel so wrong and sickening? Why did my body crave for a certain blond debt collector even though I'm doing this to make him hate me more? Why can I think of nothing but Shizu-chan in this fucked up situation as I'm about to get raped?

No, there is something different about Shizu-chan compared to everyone I had met tonight. It wasn't just a simple lusty addiction for a quick fuck. Shizu-chan had something that separated him from everyone. Not just because he's a monster, but something special.

Something much more…

"You've stopped struggling. Does it feel good now?"

His greasy smirk and equally sneering voice brings me back to reality. My eyes turn to slits as I scorn back, "How could I? A scum like you would never make me feel good. Do you see my dick rising any time soon?"

Sure enough, as proof, my cock is not erect. Yeah, even with all his sucking and teasing, I found it completely sickening and not at all arousing. Thank you body for being so honest with me.

He curses and I grin gleefully to know that I've broken his pride with that. I still make sure I look dignified in front of this low-life because I hate losing.

After kicking his male pride like a wounded puppy, this man does not look too happy as he glares at me balefully. Oh well, if I'm going to be raped I might as well rape his pride in the process. I don't go down that easily! Did he really think his poor foreplay would arouse my body?

He lets me go and I crumple to the floor. That damn drug stripped away all my strength in my limbs. There's nothing I can do as that despicable numbing sensation seizes all control over my body. I can't even stand on my own let alone fight back! It's dirty here, nothing but filth and trash surrounding me. And the biggest piece of trash of it all is standing in front of me as he unzips his pants and pulls out his swollen erection. Heh, I always knew that I was a good catch. All I did was stand there to make this guy lust after me.

I gulp as I watch him pump his dirty cock in my direction. "You'd better suck on it well if you know what's good for you. Considering I'm planning to fuck you so hard, you'll god damn well remember me for the rest of your life!"

Well gee. I think people tend to remember their rapists whether they want to or not, don't they?

He yanks on my hair; I try to prepare myself mentally. I refuse to unmask my bold facade in front this trash.  
 _  
Shizu-chan._

I can't help but think of him. Haha, how silly of me to wish for him to come to my rescue when I fully know that he's probably asleep in his bed, not giving a damn about me right now.

I'm no damsel in distress! I can take care of myself! I refuse self-pity and my ego is unbreakable no matter what befalls on me, even if that means someone's going to assault me emotionally and physically tonight.

That's the last thought in my mind as he shoves his vile cock inside my mouth.

If he thinks that I'm a kitten with no claws, he has something else coming. The first thing I had planned to do once that filthy cock violated me was to bite it. But when the sordid filty thing filled my mouth with the taste of piss, sweat and feces, I couldn't hold back my gag reflexes.

I hurl.

I vomit all over that damn poor excuse of filthy trash, unable to hold back the acid liquor along with my undigested dinner.

Needless to say, tonight really isn't the highest pinnacle of my life.

I lay on the concrete floor with my sticky acidic vomit mashed against my cheek and hair. Vaguely I can hear him cursing at me. Well, what did he expect? Some show of rainbows and unicorns as your victim sucks you dry then gives you the best fuck ever? Rapists these days have no class.

"You piece of shit! What the fuck!"

Oh really. Like I give a damn.

He starts kicking me and I wince. Just as I think the night can't get any worse, I hear a crack.

The man crumples to the floor next to me unconsciously with blood oozing from his skull.

I can't raise my head but I could see a brand name dress shoes and the edges of the red pants stop in front of me, along with the tip end of the cane as it taps on the floor. The ornament that adorns a cane gives me an easy clue to the name of my savior.

"Well, well Orihara-san. You should have told me if you were planning to check out one of our clubs. I would have been more than happy to give you a tour," the familiar voice continues on.

Akabayashi-san of Awakusu-kai.

Feeling safe, my nerves relaxes and my consciousness fades to black.

 


	4. Longing

**Shizuo's POV  
-**

I am rather rudely awakened from my slumber by my phone's loud ringtone.

"Nnnhm?" I mutter unintelligibly, immediately annoyed when I open my eyes to darkness. If the sun isn't up, you shouldn't be calling m-

My eyes widen, and with a pang of hope searing in my chest, I sit up quickly. So quickly, that I curse myself for feeling dizzy, before reaching over and snatching the phone.

My heart drops upon seeing 'Caller Unknown.'

"Fuck," I mutter, letting it ring as I rest my forehead on my knee. My heartbeat is loud against my ears.

I didn't even want to admit to myself how badly I was hoping it to be Izaya. That man seriously needs to get out of my head.

I blame it on a lapse of judgment due to my sleepy state.

The phone stops ringing.

Deeming it to be a wrong number, and muttering curses under my breath, I place it back on the dresser and sink down into the covers.

It rings again.

Son of a-

"Hello?" I practically growl into the phone.

"Ah, good evening Heiwajima-san. Or shall I say good morning?"

I blink. Okay, so it's not a wrong number.

Who the fuck in their right mind would call someone at, I look at the clock, three-thirty in the morning?

"Who is this?" I ask, swinging my legs over the bed to sit on the edge.

"I'll keep this short," he replies, completely disregarding my question, "I would like you to stay away from Orihara-san."

My heart skips a beat.

… what the-

"What the fuck?" I ask angrily, not understanding a word coming from this guy's mouth. Stay away from Izaya? He is the one staying away from me! And who the fuck is trying to tell me what to do! "Why?"

"It's none of your concern. You do not care for Orihara-san's well-being to begin with, am I right? Just stay away from him and everything will be fine."

I am dumbfounded when I hear a consistent beep, signifying the end of the call.

What. The. Fuck.

I snap the phone shut and stare at it for a moment.

Who would tell me to stay away from Izaya? No one knew of our escapades, and the population still saw us as mortal enemies. Following that logic, it'd be common sense for me to not be near Izaya, so did that mean... someone found out?

Did that fucking louse blab to one of his other screws? Was that supposed to be some kind of act of jealousy?

Not that I can blame anyone for being jealous, but it still made me fucking angry!

And wait, stay away from him and everything will be  _fine_?

Was that a threat?

I huffed loudly. An act of jealousy, I could understand, but purposefully threatening  _me_?

… and this just confirmed the little bastard was lying after all! No other fuck-buddies, my ass!

Growling, I flip the phone back open and dial Izaya's number. It rang... and continued to do so until it went to voice mail.

I nearly threw the phone down in frustration.

This was it. I have had it with that insufferable flea! Nothing good ever came out of being around him, and I was beyond sick of him being constantly on my mind and of these wishful rushes whenever I think he's trying to contact me! It was stupid; all of it was fucking stupid!

I bury myself in my blankets, trying to calm down.

Breathing into the sheets, I frown. They've been washed, so Izaya's scent was no longer found.

So how could I still imagine it?

Damn it, time. Time is all I need. I just have to get used to Izaya not being in my life anymore. It isn't like he held some huge part of it anyway. It was just like a fling. Both of us knew nothing would come out of it besides momentary gratification.

I just got a little too caught up in it.

After time, this strange feeling will go away.

I'm sure of it.

I just have to stay away from him. Not because of that lame-ass threat.

But for my own sake.

 **-**  
Izaya's POV  
-

Something warm washes over me in constant waves. My mind is still a bit fuzzy as I try to wake up from the haze.

When I blink open my eyes, I realize I'm in a bath tub.

And nude.

What?

I look around me to figure out what the hell happened. I'm clean and washed. Even my hair is washed. There's not a single remnant of vomit on me my body though I could still taste him. That nasty, vile taste that still lurks inside my mouth. Confused, I try to figure out where I am when the door clicks open.

"Ah, Orihara-san. You're awake,"

I cringe at the voice and quickly try to cover my shameful nudity by submerging myself under water. It isn't helping much since the warm water is clear. There's plenty of kiss marks all over my body, not to mention the fact that I'm not wearing any clothing to cover my privacies. Why didn't this bath tub have curtains?

"Shiki-san, it would have been really nice if you hadn't taken off my clothes while washing me. Granted, if it was  _you_  who took off my clothes and washed me?"

Shiki chuckles as he squats near me. I shy a bit further to the corner of the tub, which isn't that big to begin with.

"We're getting them dry cleaned. Here. You can wear these for now," he drops off some spare clothes next to the tub. I stare at the spare clothes and frown. I can smell a faint scent of Shiki's cigarettes emanating from them.

"You don't have to look that revolted. It's almost insulting, Orihara-san. Unless you wanted me to use a lackey to get you cleaned instead of me doing so personally," Shiki smirks at my reaction. I grit my teeth and force a smile. "Why I feel  _very_ honored Shiki-san that you've personally decided to take it upon yourself to clean my filth."

"Orihara-san, you hurt my feelings. I only wanted to-" Shiki reaches towards me to touch my dripping wet hair. I tense up, slapping his hand away reflexively. Shiki stares at me a bit surprised.

Shit, my mask must be off!

Quickly I comb my wet hair with my fingers nervously. "S-sorry, Shiki-san. I didn't mean to…" Ah, fuck it. My hands are jittery and I can feel my body shaking involuntarily. The idea of someone touching me is sickening. The thought of anyone touching me makes me want to vomit again.

Anyone save for Shizu-chan.

I close my eyes and let out a stuttering sigh. Since when did I become so damn addicted to that brute anyway?

"It's alright Orihara-san. I'm glad Akabayashi was there and was able to save you before it went any further."

I flash a glance at him angrily.

"What do you mean?" Okay, that came out more biting than I meant to. "If you're saying I can't take care of myself, I can!"

"Of course, Orihara-san," he says simply with those fake  _understanding_ eyes. What the hell! I hate it when people think they know me!

"What are you trying to insinuate? That I was helpless while he raped me? I'll have you know I wasn't raped! In fact I don't even sleep around! Why the hell won't anyone believe me when I say anything? Oh do they think Orihara Izaya only speaks in lies? Dammit, I'm an informant; I only work with the truth!"

"Orihara-san."

I stop my sentence when I hear his sharp but gentle voice. I come to and realize I just lashed out at Shiki-san.

Fuck, I really am messed up right now. My nerves are just tight balls of knots.

"I believe you, Orihara-san," He says simply. His eyes stare at me straight, piercing me. Fuck it… god dammit! Where the hell are all my masks when I need them?

"I'm sorry, Shiki-san. Forget what I said," I turn away. I should be grateful for this man but right now, all I can think of is how ashamed I am. It's disappointing to see myself in this fucking mess where I could have been helplessly raped, then got rescued like some damsel in distress.

I  _HATE_  feeling vulnerable.

Shiki stands up. Maybe I was imagining things when I thought his eyes were filled with fake consolation. I don't know what to think anymore.

"Rest and come out when you feel better Orihara-san. We have a present for you," and with that, Shiki-san leaves. Left alone in the quiet bath tub, I sigh deeply.

Man… Orihara Izaya. Your defenses are like fragile glass right now. Fuck, get a hold of yourself!

After gathering my will together, along with plenty of my masks to cover my face, I got out of the tub and wiped myself with a towel. The fact that another man washed me feels vile and violated but it can't be helped.

I don't like these clothes that smell of another man and another brand of tobacco, but it's better than leaving the bathroom in the nude.

I walk out after brushing my teeth. Shiki-san was courteous enough to have a new toothbrush and toothpaste by the sink. I can still taste that repulsive man but I try to ignore it.

Shiki-san is on the phone when I walk out. There are about ten yakuza men in the room. I decide to get myself comfortable on one of the posh black leather couches and feel the cushion sink under my weight. Shiki looks over in my direction with a smile and ends the call. I can feel my inner-need for information tingling and I can't help but wonder who he was on the phone with.

"How are you feeling, Orihara-san?" Shiki-san's voice is always just a bit too smooth.

"Could be better," I say loftily and he chuckles.

"Well, we should fix that," there's an amused glint in those grey eyes. Shiki-san was good at reading people almost as well as I am. Of course I've got my edges sharpened comparatively but it is just a bit unnerving when someone else decides to observe me.

Well that's okay, I have plenty of masks today. Or tonight rather. I can't quite figure out the time since this room has no windows.

Just then two men bust through the door, dragging between them a very beaten man. I blink at the semi grotesque man before me. His face is mangled with bruises, his eyes pretty swollen. I can't quite tell who he is but my gut feeling tells me otherwise.

Akabayashi saunters in with his bloody cane, smiling cheerfully as always. "Good evening gentleman. Ah~ Orihara-san. Glad to see you're with us for the party. We brought you your present!"

I cross my legs and lean to one side of the couch's arm. "I don't know Akabayashi-san," I say with my bored tone dripping with sarcasm. "Your little present looks kinda sick in my opinion."

Akabayashi leans from the back left of my seat and grins. "Aww~ don't say that Orihara-san! Not when I prepared him personally just for you."

"We saved the best part for you as well," Shiki says as he leans his back on the right side. Now that he isn't on the phone, he strikes a match and lights his cigarette. The room fills up with the filmy scent of smoke as he puffs casually.

I turn back to the man in front of me with feigned half-interest. The men force him on his knees, his head crushed against the coffee table before me. He whines like a wounded dog in pain.

I smirk pleasantly.

"Pl… please! I didn't know! Honestly! I wasn't planning to hurt him! Please let me go!" he splutters his plea desperately. My, how the tables have turned.

"Well, what would you like to do to him, Orihara-san? I'd say we teach him a lesson and cut off his finger." Akabayashi grins like a child. It looks quite menacing with his scarred eye and flaming red hair.

"Why stop with just his finger. We should just cut off his vile cock," Shiki says as he too leans back behind me.

"Well I don't want him bleed everywhere and make a mess."

"It's not like you're going to clean it, so who cares?"

"Shiki-san~ think of our guest? Do you really think he'd want to see that disgusting piece of trash again?"

"True… but his finger's no better."

"Boys, boys," I interrupt them, giggling. I lean back, feeling like the prince of the world. "Thank you for your suggestions. But I think I'll decide on what should be cut off."

They nod in unison. I stare back at the injured man before me. He looks back at me with desperate eyes. I can't help but grin, staring into those eyes filled with terror. My heart races with excitement.

But I can still taste the bitter nastiness when he shoved his repulsive cock inside my mouth.

I know what I want.

"His tongue. I want his tongue," I finally decide with a serene grin. I watch with glee as his face contorts.

"Well, our guest has decided."

In seconds, the men grab the piece of trash before me roughly. He flails about and begs for forgiveness. I bask in pure bliss as he receives a rough treatment.

"Hold still and stick out your tongue far, else we might cut off your lips." Akabayashi warns with that never fading smile on his face. Shiki just scoffs.

A piercing scream slices through my snickering as the deed is done.

"You boys sure know how to make a girl feel special," I giggle as the pungent stink of blood fills the air.

"Looks like you're having fun," Shiki notes with an amused smirk.

"Am I?" I lean towards him with a smile.

"Yes, your eyes are glowing, Orihara-san," Akabayashi replies with an equally amused smirk.

Ah~

I watch with indifference as they remove the bloody man with ice cubes stuffed in his mouth. I yawn, letting them know that I'm tired and bored.

"Sleepy Orihara-san? I'll show you to your room," Shiki offers and I nod, getting up to follow him.

As he leads me to the adjoining room, Shiki speaks up, "Did you enjoy the show, Orihara-san?"

"Immensely. Though I think you can throw away the tongue. I preferred the show, not the actual item in question."

Shiki chuckles. He opens the door for me. I walk in to see a small room with just a bed, night stand and a desk. Shiki stands next to me and I'm just a bit uncomfortable with how close he is. His breath tickles my ear in a way that sends unpleasant shivers down my spine.

"You know, Orihara-san. If you found the show exciting, we can show you how to have an even better time," Shiki's hand lifts to stroke my chin.

Out of reflex, I flinch away immediately, hissing at him. I know I'm irresistible and all, but I'm really  _not_ in the mood for it tonight!

Shiki chuckles as if he expected it. Damn him. He's playing with me!

"You're thinking of him, aren't you." He backs away, leaning against the side of the door but his eyes are regarding me.

"Of who?" I retort back, perhaps too forcefully. I look elsewhere, anywhere but his piercing eyes.

"Heiwajima-san. You tend to bite your lower lip when you do, you know."

Crap. I didn't know I was biting my lips again!

I glare at him with venom. He counters back with a light smile. … I really hate it when people observe me and think they know me.

Giving up, I scowl and turn my back on him, dismissing him altogether.

"You're wrong Shiki-san. And I'm quite tired for the night so I'm turning in. Good night Shiki-san," I say, stomping to my bed and pulling the covers over me.

"Sleep well, Orihara-san," I can hear thickly coated sarcasm in his tone of voice and grumble under my breath. He closes the door shut behind him and I'm finally left alone in the darkness.

However, sleep doesn't come to me.

After tossing and turning for what feels like hours, I finally give up. My body's tired but my mind is roaming everywhere! I strip off the intoxicating shirt that stink of another man's smell. I just can't stand it.

I toss the shirt on the floor and roll around on the bed, using the blanket to curl in. Shiki's words continue to assault me as I try to get some sleep.

" _Heiwajima-san. You tend to bite your lower lip when you do, you know."_

I touch my lower lip with my finger. Since when did I develop that habit?

Oh yeah. Ever since I started sleeping with him. That damn protozoan isn't a human, but rather like a virus! Taking over my mind and body one lick and suck at a time!

I roll over to my stomach and freeze.

Ah, fuck!  _Damn you_  Shizu-chan!

Just  _thinking_ about him makes my body react now!

Okay, calm down, deep breaths and…

Oh for Chrissake!

I give up when my cock twitches harder instead of calming down. Masturbating in Awakusu-kai's headquarter is probably one of the worst ideas I've had in my life but I can't help myself as I snake my fingers down on my cock and start pumping slowly.

I groan as my erection stirs to life.

Burying my face in the pillow in an attempt to muffle my voice, I close my eyes and imagine Shizu-chan's moist mouth suck on me.

..shit!

The thought alone is enough to send me over the edge as I can see those honey colored eyes challenge me, daring me to come.

..fuck!

I pump faster, my breathing completely erratic as I imagine myself thrusting my cock into his mouth just as rapidly, forcing it down his throat. He sucks me expertly, knowing exactly where I like it as he teases my sensitive spots.

..goddamit, why is this man so infuriating?

I want him to fuck me harder as I finger my entrance, wishing that it was Shizu-chan's cock that's ravishing me. I want him to bite me and mark me as his own. I want him to think of nothing and no one but  _me_ as he breaths, pants, moans, grunts, thrusts, pierces, rips, and finally comes inside me!

Nngh…!

I gasp silently, squeezing my cock, and trap my seed in the palm of my hand. The blinding ecstasy steals my vision for a moment as my body and mind shudder in euphoria.

With thoughts of Shizu-chan in my mind lulling me to sleep, I drift into unconsciousness.


	5. Just Once More

**Shizuo's POV**  
-

Alright, so maybe I can't just say fuck it after all.

I can't get that phone call out of my head. Damn that Izaya for getting me into troubling things I don't want to mess with! He can go do whatever the fuck he wanted, but he was not going to drag me into it!

So I find myself seething in front of his apartment door. Despite my anger, I feel slightly nervous. Maybe this isn't such a good idea. Didn't I determine I have to stay away from him?

But it isn't like I'm here to bed him. I just want to warn him to keep his little fuck-buddies in line.

… oh God, what if he's with someone right now?

I grit my teeth and start banging on the door. It shakes beneath my fists.

"Izaya, get the fuck out here!" I yell into the door, slamming my fist against it one more time for effect.

A second passes, and that is plenty enough time for me to stop giving a damn and bust through the door. It crumbles beneath my fist, the pieces flying off into the room and clattering against the floor.

And there is Izaya, not seven feet away from me, standing just outside of the rubble on the floor. His hand is up in the air, like he had just been ready to press the button to let me in, and surprise is filtering over his features.

Seeing him again brings that undeniable twinge appear in my chest, and I swallow tightly. Why does this man affect me like this?

These feelings were a waste.

And this is no time to be thinking about this.

"You know," Izaya starts with a sigh, "I lost count how many times I had to repair that door. I don't expect your protozoan head to learn the complexity of human civilization, but I would appreciate it if you learned to wait for me to unlock the door so it can be opened properly."

Fucking bastard.

I propel forward and grab the front of his shirt. He didn't seem to be expecting this approach, because he attempts to jump back, but is too late.

"Ok you little shit. Care to explain why I got a phone call at three-thirty-am from some random bastard ordering me to stay away from you?" I growl, gripping at the fabric tightly.

"... is that why I got a missed call from you at like three-thirty-am?" He asks after a short pause.

"Yes, that's exactly why. I don't care what you do, but you better tell your jealous little  _friends_  to leave me out of it," I bite back. I'm lying through my teeth. I do care. I care too much.

I actually expected him to laugh in my face or say some smart-ass comment. Instead, he looks perplexed, which just makes me angrier. He's not looking me in the eye, staring off at some unknown object on the floor.

Don't look all innocent! Make me hate you, damn it! Remind me why I'm supposed to hate you...

He suddenly looks like he's figured something out, and I think he's about to voice it, when that confused look settles back on his features.

Really, what the fuck?

"You gonna answer me!" I yell, yanking at his shirt. His eyes flash up at me almost like he had forgotten I was here, and his hand lifts onto mine on instinct. I just glance at the hand to make sure no knives are at play, when something else catches my eye. On the area of skin where his chest is exposed due to me pulling on his shirt... there are bite-marks. Hickeys.

Most definitely not my markings.

To hear gossip about his one-night-stands is one thing. Him blatantly lie to me about it was another.

But seeing physical evidence marring that smooth, pale skin?

Jealousy takes over my entire being. How dare he let another touch him; mark him? He came to  _me_. It was  _me_  he begged for,  _my_  touch he surrendered to! He was  _mine_.

… but he wasn't mine.

The same whispered moans that drove me mad were probably having the same effect on others.

"I don't know what you're talki-"

"Just a tip," I speak over him dangerously, driving him backwards as I walk further into his apartment, "If you're going to lie and say I'm the only one, don't leave evidence. Where did these marks come from?"

I push my finger against his chest and I can tell by the guilty way he looks at me that he knows exactly what I'm talking about. But in a true Izaya fashion, that look is wiped off his face and replaced by a jeering smirk.

"Why does it matter anymore? Even if I told you the truth, you wouldn't believe me," Izaya chides. I growl menacingly at the tone. He's acting like I am the one at fault here, trying to turn the tables to make me feel guilty!

I should just leave. Let him go and walk out that door. Because I knew this wasn't going to go anywhere. I would keep yelling, he would keep twisting words around, the same damn thing that we've done since we laid eyes on each other.

But my eyes keep falling to those damn marks.

I hate this.

I hate this so much.

I suffer from a million different emotions when he just frolics away with a devious smile on his face? Do I not affect him at all?

It's not fair.

… one more time.

I'll give in just once more. Indulge in these feelings as I selfishly engrave myself into his memory. If he was going to fuck others, I was going to make damn sure all he could think about was me. And I pray that it annoys him, I pray that it drives him insane, just so he can get a taste of his own medicine.

I have nothing left to lose, because he was never mine.

Tracing my fingers over his lips, I observe as his gaze wavers cautiously.

"Of course I don't believe you," I state, leaning toward him. I hear his sharp intake of breath, and my thumb roughly runs across his bottom lip, "These lips know nothing but lies."

My lips collide with his own. It is in no way gentle, just rough and demanding, growing more dangerous when Izaya's teeth sink into my bottom lip, pulling at the sensitive flesh as he broke from the kiss and then released it. I wince, and growl, feeling the wetness of blood on my lip. The words I was going to say slip my mind as I watch his pink tongue sweep out to lick at the dribble of blood on his lip.

"What the hell are you doing?" Izaya asks angrily, his brow tightened in confusion.

That's a good question. I don't want to answer.

So I just pull him in for another kiss. It's hardly a kiss, more like our mouths are assaulting each other, but he doesn't retaliate this time. His thin body arches up into me when my arms slide down his sides and circle around to knead his jean-covered ass.

The action is rewarded by a breathy moan against my lips, and he just barely inches back to sensually drag his tongue over my lips, asking for entry. I comply, parting my lips and diving my tongue into his mouth before he can even do anything with his. My fingers trace over the curves of his backside as our tongues clash and fight for dominance.

Completely intoxicating.

God, I want him.

His hardness is pressed up against my leg, and after a sensual roll of his hips, he moans again.

"Shizu-chan..."

Fuck, horrible nickname or not, he could say that all day if he keeps saying it all breathless like  _that_. Especially when his cheeks are prettily flushed with arousal.

"Fuck me... please," he breathes in my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

My own need is a throbbing mess by now, aching to bury itself in that familiar heat, and I inwardly curse. I'm getting too into this. This is not about me.

This is about Izaya.

I walk forward, and Izaya stumbles backward as my hands busy themselves with his belt. I'm able to push his jeans down to his knees before he backs into the couch and goes falling down on it. I stand there a moment, reveling in the image laid out before me.

In my hurry to pull his jeans down, his boxers had been caught, and were now hanging dangerously low on his hips, exposing a few fine black hairs. His tight black shirt had rode up just a tad, teasingly flaunting half of his belly button. Arms were situated above his head, above that flushed face, those hazy eyes, and panting, moist pink lips.

One hell of a sexy picture of perfection in my eyes.

I take advantage of my position to slip his jeans off, then I'm towering over him with my blood pounding in my ears and excitement rushing through my veins. His arms are immediately hooked around my shoulders again, like that was where they belonged.

I could only wish.

He yanks me down again, and I chuckle.

Always so greedy.

Our tongues are dancing again, exploring every warm nook and crevice. I feel his hands start clutching at my shirt, trying to draw it up, and I quickly yank his arm away to stop the motion. He gives me whine that melts into a moan when my other hand fists his arousal through the boxers. Carefully palming it, gentle and swift touches, I watch with growing lust as he writhes, a frown of frustration appearing on his face. He tries to slide his hands down to undo my belt, and once again, I stop him.

His eyebrows furrow, and the look he shoots me is nothing short of scathing.

"What the hell, Shizu-chan!" He complains vehemently.

Scraping my teeth along his chin in response, I move downward, purposefully leaving his shirt be.

I don't want to see underneath. I don't want to be reminded of those marks.

Izaya gasps and wiggles when my tongue dips and rolls into his belly button. My fingernails gently scrape over his skin when I grip and pull down his boxers, exposing his swollen flesh.

"Sh... Shizu-chan, wait!" Izaya says rather suddenly, shoving the heels of his feet into my shoulders.

…  _wait_!

I shoot him a withering glance. If he tells me to stop, I swear I'll destroy everything in this apartment. There can't be any waiting! This is the last time...!

Izaya has never, ever rejected me. The very thought is deplorable and makes my heart hurt.

So I stare up at him anxiously, waiting for him to explain himself. I can't help but trace my hands softly up and down his legs. Maybe it is some desperate last-minute try to convince him to let me continue.

But he makes no move to get up or push me away.

The corner of Izaya's lip is turned down in the slightest, and his unsure gaze is fixated on the door... or what used to be of it.

"Can we... move to the bed?"

Oh.

Well damn, anyone and their mother could just waltz right in here, couldn't they?

Blushing from embarrassment, I snort in response and plant my foot on the ground to gain leverage as I easily lift his body. I'm filled with relief when he wraps his legs around my torso, and I can feel his warm length pressing insistently against my stomach. His lips and teeth are brushing and nipping at the nape of my neck, his fingernails surely making imprints on my back from how harshly he is clinging to me, driving me to walk just a little faster.

In a locked room, we both fall in a tangle of limbs and clash of lips onto the mattress. I quiver at the stark contrast between the cool sheets and our rapidly heating bodies. But that thought flies from my mind when Izaya's hands slip underneath the front of my shirt and trail up my abdomen. My stomach muscles convulse under the teasing touch, and I let out a moan of appreciation when his hands reach my chest glide over my nipples.

I bury my hand in his short raven locks and pull back, giving me clear access to his ivory neck. I lick, stroke, and bite at the sensitive flesh, delighted to see the pasty skin turn an angry red while he gasps and mewls in encouragement. Leaning back to admire my work, I slither my tongue up his neck one more time, over the growing bruises, tasting the sheen of sweat on his skin.

Ha, try to hide  _those_  marks from others!

He makes another attempt at unbuckling me, but I swat his hands away. He looks rather confused, and I would almost say he's pouting, like a kid who just got his favorite toy taken away. I find it adorable, and can't help but throw him a smile before moving down his body, determined to finish what I had started out on the couch.

Izaya is usually the one volunteering to go down on me. I don't do this often. But I know he loves it, and I plan to divulge every little thing that turns him into a quavering mess tonight.


	6. Giving Up

**Shizuo's POV  
-**

Licking my lips in anticipation, I lean forward and engulf him. His loud gasp drifts to my ears. The salty taste of his precum hits the back of my throat, and I gently caress the insides of his thighs as I create a steady rhythm of in and out. Izaya bucks into my mouth wildly, and I have to put pressure on his legs to hold him down. I look up at him and our gazes lock as I twist my mouth and circle my tongue around his head.

I take immense pleasure out of watching his huffing mouth oscillate from hanging wide open to biting his lower lip and back again.

The organ is hot and pulsing in my mouth. More of his essence drips onto my tongue and I readily swallow it. Knowing he has to be somewhat close by the jerky movements of his body, I wrap my arms around his legs and close my eyes, solely focusing on speeding up my motions.

"Shizu-chan... I'm gonna..." He pants heavily, before his body shudders violently and streams of thick liquid filled my mouth. I quickly swallow, licking any traces that get away.

He's breathing harshly into the air, lying back on the bed in exhaustion. A sense of pride swells in my chest, knowing he is spent due to my actions.

My erection is uncomfortably straining against my jeans. Whether I was going to focus on his pleasure or not, these pants had to go. I just have to keep his touches to a minimum, or I may lose it. Slipping off the bed to make things easier, I undo my pants and slip them down my legs, stepping out of the bunched material at my feet.

Izaya takes notice of me and sits up on his knees, leaning forward to brush his hand against the bulge in my boxers and I stiffen.

"Lay back down," I command, grabbing his wrist, fighting the urge to let him continue creating friction. He doesn't seem pleased with this.

"You know, I don't have any lube in my room. As much as you enjoy rough sex, I'd prefer if I could at least wet you properly," Izaya said with a haughty smirk that made my cock twitch in response, "Or are you planning to have fun all by yourself?"

Well fuck.

I should just take the bastard dry for the shit he's putting me through. But it's just a thought. There was a time when I probably would have, but that was before feelings other than hatred became involved.

... _why_  did he not have any lube?

"Fine," I respond quickly, sitting back on the bed. He obviously had been trying to get me undressed all this time, so it's something he's wanting, and that's what I'm going for, right?

I fall back on my elbows as he comes up between my legs. I shift when I feel hot breath hit my arousal, and anxiously watch his lips meld themselves against the fabric. I can feel his tongue rubbing against me and try my hardest not to buck into that touch, wishing it was skin-to-skin contact. Lifting my hips when he pulls at the boxers, I briefly change my position to get them off before Izaya is nestled in my thighs again.

His eyes are closed when that pink mouth descends on me, surrounding me in a warm wetness that sends pleasure ripping through my body. I don't even bother holding in a groan when he near takes me in to the hilt and swallows.

Feeling the muscles of his mouth shift and tighten around me is absolutely incredible. He's most definitely doing his job of getting me wet, if those lewd slurping sounds are any justification, and they manage to turn me on even more.

"Izaya," I moan lowly, sitting up and lightly threading my fingers through his hair. He mirrors a moan, and I shiver from the vibrations as his fingers trace lines up and down my pelvic bone. I brand the intimate touch into my mind.

The tight ball of nerves in my lower abdomen is starting to burn deliciously, and my breathing is becoming rather uneven. As much as I am enjoying this, I need to stop it now or it's going to take me a while to recover.

"Enough," I gasp, tightening my hold on his raven locks.

Izaya does the complete opposite, greedily moving faster.

"Iza- ah," I can't help but moan, because fuck this feels too good, and that's both a good thing and a bad thing, "Fuck, stop!"

I tug back on his hair, and his eyebrows furrow when my cock slides out of his mouth with a soft, wet pop.

I'm transfixed on his mouth, where his wet lips are lightly parted and a string of saliva is dripping down on the side. I forget to breathe when his eyelids open half-mast, a sultry gaze locking onto my own as he tantalizingly slithers his tongue out to lap at the underside of my head.

Fuck, I need him  _now_.

I swiftly shift, getting on my knees and hovering my fingers over his lips.

"Suck," I say throatily, brushing my fingers against the wet flesh impatiently. He obeys immediately, grabbing at my wrist with both hands and shuts his eyes as he takes three fingers into his mouth. My cock pulses when I watch him suck on my fingers in the same manner he had just been doing to my cock moments before.

I love how he always gets so into this. There's no need to be that enthusiastic when all he needs to do is wet my fingers, but damn it's hot.

His lust-filled eyes open when I pull my fingers back, and my gaze bores into his own as I wrap an arm around his cloth-covered waist, bringing him flush against me. My wet fingers trail down his crack and brush over his hole before my middle finger thrusts inside.

His moan of appreciation is loud against my ear, followed by puffs of breath that just slightly move my damp hair and tickle the shell of my ear. Fingers dig into my shoulders as my own finger slides in and out. His insides are scorching my skin and start tightening against me when I add a second finger. I nuzzle my face against the side of his head as he gasps and mewls, panting against the skin right below my ear.

I glance down and groan at the sight of my wet fingers dipping in and out of that tight ring of muscle. I had been planning on three fingers, but my cock was painfully hard and Izaya's mewls were going to drive me crazy if I wasn't buried in that heat within the next few seconds.

Withdrawing my fingers, I promptly leaned down and grabbed hold of the backs of his legs, pulling them up and toward me. Izaya let out a surprised gasp when he went falling back on the bed. I quickly spread those soft legs over my shoulders and grab hold of his hips as I slide inside.

Fuck, fuck, fuck...!

He's so tight and hot and wet and  _beyond amazing_.

Through hazy eyes, I avidly observe the way his mouth opens in a silent scream and his eyes widen upon first entry. After a deep breath, he moans loudly, gripping at the bedsheets. A lustful gasp flies from his mouth when I pull back after only being half-way in, and then thrust myself all the way in.

With much, much difficulty, I stay still, panting into the warm air to let him get adjusted to the intrusion. I feel a bead of sweat roll down the side of my face.

When he focuses that fiery gaze on me again, I take it as a symbol to move. Holding his legs in place, I kiss the side of his knee before pulling back and burying myself again. I'm considerably aware of every gasp, moan, and mewl coming from his mouth, even as I lose myself in the extraordinary feeling of his muscles greedily sucking me in and the wet-hot friction slowly making me blind.

The sound of skin slapping against skin, the damp bangs plastering to our heads, the heavy breathing and carnal grunts and stuttering gasps, the demanding rolls of hips...

Will you remember this, Izaya?

Will you remember me?

Crave me?

Miss me?

Love me?

He cries out when I hit his prostate rather roughly. His lips are trembling, skin flushed beautifully, eyes dazed and... wet?

In shock, I abruptly stop all movement.

Because Izaya is crying. Tears have welled up in his eyes and spilled over, leaving wet trails down the sides of his face.

Why is he crying? Was he not properly prepared; should we have had lube after all? But no, we've done this before and it was fine! Was I being too rough? Did I accidentally use too much of my strength?

His eyes widen briefly, and he quickly rubs the tears away with the backs of his hands.

"Don't stop," he pleads when he removes his hands from his face. Pulling his legs down, he wraps them around my waist and sits up to grab hold of my shoulders to pull me down with him. His hands slide up into my hair and his lips glide over my own, searching desperately for a response.

I am a little perturbed by the fact it almost seems like he's trying to hide something.

Are you finally starting to feel guilty, Izaya? Are you even capable of such a thing?

What the hell was that...

He rolls his hips up, immersing me back into that warmth, and I groan. In surrender, I open my mouth to accept his tongue and continue to thrust deep into him. He arches into me, breaking our kiss, his gasps becoming quicker and I realize the new position is rubbing his cock against my stomach.

The double stimulation sends Izaya overboard. He gasps my name into my lips as his mess spills over both our stomachs, some undoubtedly getting on his shirt. I groan at the way his walls tighten around me, and try desperately to quicken my thrusts.

Our kissing, if you can even call it that, is messy and we're breathing into each others' mouths more often than not. But it's perfect.

So fucking perfect that I lose it.

With a short moan of pleasure, my body explodes as the orgasm hits me dead on. My body shakes uncontrollably as I spill my seed into his moist cavern, and I gasp for breath when a dizzy-spell from the euphoria makes things spin.

The heels of Izaya's feet are digging into my back rather uncomfortably. I'm relieved when the pressure lets up, and I use the opportunity of his spread legs to pull out. The air is cold after being drowned in scorching heat.

As I'm trying to gather my wits back together, Izaya is pushing me up. I follow almost instinctively, glancing up at his gorgeous eyes as I'm pushed to lay back on the bed. Even though my brain is currently fuddled with the afterglow of sex and excited about the promising pleasure to come, I can tell something is off about him.

I can't pinpoint it.

I can't read him. But I usually can't read him because of his fucking masks, not because he... well, looks like that. Whatever  _that_  is.

He looks like he's suffering. And that just doesn't sit well with me. At all.

Damn it, if he starts crying again...

But he doesn't do anything of the sort. What he  _does_  do makes me grip the bedsheets tightly and gasp.

Fuck, he just sat down and pushed my cock back into him!

"Wh- what the fuck, you greedy shit?" I ask breathlessly. He just grins at me, but that grin fades when he starts moving his hips. I have trouble fighting the urge to roll my eyes back from the delicious friction. I'm still sensitive from just now and he should be too...! And wait, fuck, this is not how things are supposed to go! I'm supposed to be in control here!

"Shizu-chan," he moans my name wantonly, his hands on my chest as he picks up the pace. I writhe beneath him, focused solely on the way he tightens as he moves up and then slams back down. Fuck it, giving him some control won't hurt, right? And seeing him so enthusiastically riding my cock is something I am definitely not going to deny.

"Shizu-chan... mmnng... Shizu-chan..."

That nickname is coming out of his lips in a breathless, broken mantra. I growl possessively, bending my legs to gain leverage on the bed and grabbing at his hips, before thrusting upwards to match his rhythm.

Can't have him doing all the work.

"Hah! Ah... aghn... Shizu... chan," he breathes, a bead of sweat collecting on his chin before falling on my chest. He's so fucking hot like this.

His hard cock is bouncing with our movements, driblets of cum leaking from the top of the reddened bud. I let go of his hips, slowing down my thrusts, and wrap my hand around his cock.

"Shizu-chan," he whines again, continuing to ride me as I stroke him, long and hard. I can tell by his fluttering eyelids he's about to lose it again. And he's trying his hardest to get me to that point too, tightening almost painfully around me.

I bite my lip to hold myself back. I refuse to cum first.

He suddenly reaches his arms out to me. Like a magnet, I sit up immediately, sliding my arms around him as his hands grasp the sides of my face and beckon me closer.

"Shizu-chan, please kiss me," he whispers seductively, holding his lips a centimeter away from my own as he bounces in my lap. I tilt my head and grant his wish, smothering his lips in a passionate lip-lock.

Drowning in ecstasy, we both find our release once again.

* * *

Izaya had finally passed out from exhaustion a few minutes ago.

With my body still humming with gratification and Izaya's sweat-lined body draped over my own, I breath loudly into the quiet room, trying desperately to make sense of things.

This didn't turn out like I planned it to at all. Instead of trying to make sure Izaya would never be able to forget me, I ended up a prisoner to his seductive touch, surrendering to the thrill of letting him ride me again and again. It's not that I didn't try to regain control. I was just so unsure, like I have been about everything lately, because regardless of his moans of bliss, he had looked to be in pain. I couldn't even begin to fathom why he would continue to start another round so soon after the other if it hurt, but I didn't have the will to fight back every time his hands pushed me back down.

Supporting the back of his head with one hand and grabbing his shoulder with the other, I carefully twist his body off me. He lay on the tangled sheets like a sack of potatoes, utterly exhausted, steadily breathing through barely parted lips that were becoming dry from the air.

If only he could look this peaceful all the time.

I get out of bed, grabbing a washcloth from the bathroom to wipe myself down. I then give the same treatment to Izaya, smiling when he mutters something unintelligible and shifts on his side. Tossing the washcloth, I settle back on the mattress, allowing my eyes to travel down his body.

This is the part where I'm supposed to leave, isn't it?

Selfish bastard, you aren't even going to let me say goodbye.

What am I talking about? This is much better. I'll be able to slip out that door without him twisting words and ultimately convincing me to stay.

It's so much easier this way.

Chuckling darkly, I lean down to gently brush the bangs out of his eyes.

Nothing is easy with you.

 _Especially_  not this.

Hey, Izaya, you know that once I walk out that door, I'm not coming back? I know you probably wouldn't believe me, but it's the truth. I'm so tired of this. My heart hurts whether I'm with or without you. I just want these useless feelings to go away, and not seeing you is my best option. My only option.

 _Why me_? Why did you even decide to seduce me in the first place? I'm a monster to you, right; one that you despise? Why even bother?

But I guess Orihara Izaya doesn't need a reason to do anything. Or maybe you do have a reason, but no one else needs to know, because you get off on your little power trips.

Greedy little bastard. You're always out for yourself.

I blame it all on you. If you would have just kept our relationship as it was, knives and vending machines in all, everything would be normal. But no, you just had to make me another notch in your bedpost and make yourself a permanent stain on my heart.

I hate that I love you.

Heh, isn't it funny? The only human you don't love, loves you.

I swallow bitterly, tracing my fingertips across his cheek.

This is so fucking frustrating. No matter how much I bad-mouth him in my head, I'm still scared to leave.

Just one more day; one more time.

It will be a never-ending wish.

Dragging my hand away, I get up, searching for my clothes in the disarray on the floor. One article of clothing at a time, I get dressed, trying to convince myself I'm not doing this slowly to be able to stay longer. I don't even bother buttoning up the vest, and my bow tie hangs down loosely as I stand at the edge of his bed.

I take in the short raven hair, ivory skin, bruised lips, small nose, and dark eyelashes. I wish I could, once again, see those beautiful ruby eyes gazing at me in desire. I lean forward to kiss his forehead, but stop myself abruptly.

I can't do this.

No more.

With great difficulty, I draw back, turning my gaze away from him.

With a heavy heart, I walk out of his apartment.

I don't look back.

 


	7. Missing Piece

 

**Izaya's POV - After Returning from Awakusu-kai HQ -  
-**

I send Namie home early today because I need to think. There is a lot on my mind.

First, my total failure to actually chea… no, rather, try to have a sexual relationship with a human. I decide to myself that it isn't my fault I failed, rather that the person wasn't to my taste.

Second, the fact that the touch of a human disgusted me… granted he was sort of trash and pretty low quality. But I have a feeling it wouldn't have mattered if I had tried with another. All humans are pretty much the same. Their fundamental needs are the same, trash or prestige, all of them fall prey to their basic desires just as easily. If all humans are the same when it came to their central core, then it really didn't matter who I slept with. And I can't seem to want them to touch me in that way let alone allow them to fuck me.

Third, is that… I kept thinking of Shiz…

Scratch that, I don't have a third.

Frustration and aggravation are my morning and my afternoon.

So imagine my surprise when I was pretty sure I had no clients that day yet my doorbell rang and saw Shizuo's grouchy face in the intercom. I admit I paused for a second before I…  
 __  
*BAM*  
  
… as per usual, I didn't even need to bother with the lock of my door. I should have just phoned for a replacement. Shizu-chan was never very patient with my door.

"You know," I say with a sigh that masked my conflicted feelings of relief and confusion at seeing his face so soon. "I lost count how many times I had to repair that door. I don't expect your protozoan head to learn the complexity of human civilization, but I would appreciate it if you learned to wait for me to unlock the door so it can be opened properly."

Honestly, why is he here? I thought he didn't want to see me for at least a week or a month before… well, then again, he has always been kind of impatient when it came to beating me senseless, hasn't he? I can never predict this man.

He grabs my shirt and again I don't expect it. Damn it, I've got to focus! And stop thinking of…

"Ok you little shit. Care to explain why I got a phone call at three-thirty-am from some random bastard ordering me to stay away from you?"

… what?

Why would anyone…?

…wait, … three-thirty a.m. last night…

"... is that why I got a missed call from you at like three-thirty-am?" I asked quizzically. Something is missing here… a piece of a puzzle.

If I remember correctly, I did receive a missed call from Shizu-chan around that time. When I finally got my phone back in the morning, I remember staring at it with confusion, wondering why he would need to call me at such a weird hour.

It should be around the same time when Shiki-san made that discreet phone call…! Right?

…but why would he tell Shizu-chan to…

"You gonna answer me!" the angry voice snaps me back to my reality. Oh right. Shizu-chan. He's about to pound me. I'd better solve this problem first before dealing with Shiki.

I compose myself as I smirk with my default mask #11, the feign card. "I don't know what you're talk-"

"Just a tip," he interrupts me in a dangerous voice. I stumble backward, caught off-guard by his new expression. I swear this man never wears any masks, his emotions are always clearly painted on his face.

"If you're going to lie and say I'm the only one, don't leave evidence. Where did these marks come from?"

I freeze.

First in shock at his perceptiveness.

Then with regret.

Because I know he'll never believe me.

Let's face it. If you think I'll swallow my pride and tell Shizu-chan I failed at sleeping with someone, or even worse, that said man tried to rape me, and even more worse, that someone came to my  _rescue_ , no that's definitely not happening.

Even if I told him the truth, he'd never believe me anyway. To him, my lies are lies and my truths are also lies.

The only fate that is left for a boy who cried wolf is to powerlessly watch as the wolves annihilate the lambs and then come to devour him whole next.

I put on my mask once again and smirk my best sneer, "Why does it matter anymore? Even if I told you the truth, you wouldn't believe me," because I refuse to have him hurt me anymore.

Because I'm sick of suffering from a million stabbing needles that continue to pierce my heart.

So, I'll hurt you before you hurt me.

… Shizu-chan.

Shizu-chan, did you know?

That you're the only one I purposefully drop my masks for time to time, though at first it was because of your absurd power to surprise me with your volatility. How unfortunate that you'd never believe me if I said I'm showing you my true self. To you my real face is the same as my masks. You're so busy trying to rip my masks, you don't even realize it when your complete unpredictability has destroyed all the layers, leaving me bear nude in front of you.

But you still try to pull on my face thinking it's another mask to tear off.

I'm still smiling at him with my new mask even as he fails to see that I have already dropped it several times now. He traces fingers over my lips and I shiver at the touch. It tingles.

It's so different when others touched me.

However, right now I'm very confused at this seductive gesture. What's he trying to pull? Isn't he angry at me?

"Of course I don't believe you,"

Ah, I knew it. I'm glad I decided to put on my mask-

"These lips know nothing but lies."

…

Those words hurt more than they should. I can't even yell at him like I did last night to Shiki-san about how I only deal with the truth. That I only… want to…

All thoughts disappear from my mind when his lips are on mine none too gentle. It's brutal and demanding, confusing me even more. I don't get him! Is he angry or not? Why the fuck are you kissing me? You don't kiss someone you hate!

I bite him. Hard. Since if I didn't, it wouldn't even get his attention.

The taste of blood tells me I got his attention alright, though I admit I already miss those lips on me. I lick at my own lips as I can still taste him.

"What the hell are you doing?" Because seriously, I really. Don't. Get it. He says one thing and does the exact opposite. If you're planning to point out that it's part of being a human to be contradictory, you can forget about it. Shizuo isn't just simple like 'contradictory' or 'opposite.' It's more 'random' and 'illogical since his actions are based on just pure emotion he feels at the time and his heart is more fickle then the weather report!

So what I can't guess is, what the hell is he really feeling here? Anger? Lust? What, I'm just a good fuck? I thought I wasn't even worth the damn!

Instead of answering, he kisses me again. Is this his answer? I don't understand him anymore… the only thing I understand is that he somehow wants me and I… want him.

I kiss back hungrily. My logic melts away when his mouth takes over once again. This is what happens time and time again… his touches make everything nil. It's…

…completely intoxicating.

"Shizu-chan…" I can't help but moan his name once more. I don't care what his reasons are anymore; I don't want to miss this chance to have him mine again.

"Fuck me… please," I breathe in his ear desperately. Damn, only he can make me this desperate and needy. I can feel my face burn as I say those lines. This is very unlike me, to beg for him and it's humiliating.

But I want him.

I need him.

Those vile touches from last night are still marked on me and no matter how many showers and baths I take, no matter how hard I scrub clean, I can still feel them as they linger. I can't tell Shizu-chan the truth and all I can hope for is that he'll listen to my pleading. Thankfully it works.

As Shizuo's hands are busily undressing me, I tell myself that I'm not affected by what happened last night.

I'm stronger than that.

I don't know which reasoning is worse; the fact that I am actually affected and that I'm trying to overwrite my repulsive memory of last night, or the fact one kiss from Shizu-chan leaves me in this quivering mess where I'm… -like Shizu-chan once said- 'begging like a whore for more.'

I refuse to admit to either.

Once he takes off my pants, he stands there drinking me in.

I wait, my erection hard as I pant softly. Damn, it really hurts to wait.

When he finally comes down on me, I greedily grab him. I frown when he chuckles. Wait, what?

Isn't he angry? Wasn't he angry? Now he's laughing? What's so funny here? I'm missing out on the joke and I don't like it.

He kisses me again and I'm left breathless once more. I can feel his damn vest's friction and I try to pull it off. I want to touch his muscles, to feel them, but-

He swats my hand away.  _What?_

Before I can voice my complaint, he starts fisting my needy cock. Oh god… tha… that feels so luxurious. I tremble under his touch, and it's too hard to hold back. I need him.  _And I need him now._

I try to reach down and unbuckle his pants when he stops me again. What the fuck? Does this man want to fuck me or not?

"What the hell, Shizu-chan!" I complain intensely. Fine, I'll admit that I can't read his next move all the time but seriously, what's with the cockblock here?

He grazes me with his teeth and I shiver. Once again I'm left speechless as his tongue dances over my skin. I can't help but lean for more, gasping when he pulls down my boxers. The cold drafty air hits me hard when I realize something.

Crap, the door!

"Sh… Shizu-chan, wait!" I cry out and I'm fully aware of the danger I'm in by stopping him. I can see it in his eyes, he's seriously pissed.

Shit… now I have to weigh between two decisions. Do I not remind him about the door and possibly have my neighbors and potential clients walk in during our intimate moment… or do I interrupt him and possibly have him walk out on me?

I flip a coin in my head… there's really not much I can do but give it a try.

"Can we… move to the bed?" I nervously explain as I eye the door.

My mind relaxes as I take note of Shizu-chan's expression that clearly indicates that I made the right decision. Though the blond continues to be unreadable as he picks me up and carries me.

He's. Carrying. Me.  
 __  
What?  
  
At this point, I don't even remember how many times I have said the word 'what' within the span of few minutes. However, I am grateful for the spoiled treatment. Finally able to feel his whole body against mine, I lean closer. I rub my pressing need against his rock solid abs to hurry him. I breathe in his scent and lick to taste him realizing that I really missed it. So much has happened in between these two days compared to the span of months we've been in this relationship.

I'm grateful again that he locks the door behind him as he lays me on my bed softly. This time, I grab at him, greedily touching those smooth abs and muscles as they ripple under my touch. Good god, monster or not, Shizu-chan really has a nice body. I finger those nipples and smirk when they harden. I twist and turn them playfully. He's kinda cute when he moans like this.

However my fun time is over when Shizu-chan grabs me and starts devouring my neck. I gasp and moan, feeling his tongue as he sucks on me, then bite me, then suck on me again. I lean back readily so he can have better access to my neck. If only he knew that I am more than willing for him, and  _only_ him... I sigh and shiver as he licks the wound possessively.

Once he's done leaving his mark on me, a rather large one at that, I feel somewhat better. He didn't cover all my marks, but somehow that one made up for it in a way. But I need more.

I lean forward to try to unbuckle his pants, because dammit, I'm more than ready!

... And again, he swats my hand away.

This time, I'm not just stunned, I'm a bit hurt too, not to mention utterly confused. What does this vexing man want? How is he planning to fuck me if his damn pants are still on him?

I look up at him with scrunched up lips, trying very hard not to show my frustration but I can't help it! What did he want me to do so I could have his cock inside me already? Haven't I begged enough? Didn't I say  _please_  already? Did he want me to cling onto him some more? Haven't I crushed my pride several times?

What did he  _want_ from me? Can't he tell I just want  _him_?

His smile catches me off guard once again. I blink. Why is he smiling like that? This is really unnatural. I'm thoroughly confused by his mismatched actions. First he was angry at me. Then he wants to fuck me. But he doesn't want to fuck me, or at least is refusing to take off his pants… and now he's smiling?

I don't believe it takes a genius to understand Shizu-chan. I think one needs to be insane to understand him. After all,  _I am_  a genius and  _I don't get him._

Shizu-chan lowers his head and stares at my erected cock while licking his lips.

Wait, you're kidding me right?

Nnng!… fff… _fuck_!

I silently scream as that blond swallows me whole. Good god, that… that feels glorious! He rarely  _ever_  does this to me. In fact I can't even remember when was the last time he…

All thoughts melt from my brain as I watch Shizu-chan eat me. His mouth is hot and the way he sucks on me is better than my thoughts last night. I try not to moan and I try even harder to bite my mouth closed shut but I know that those embarrassing unintelligible gibberish sounds are spilling out as Shizu-chan bobs his head up and down my length, dragging his tongue over my shaft. Holy shit, when did he ever learn to…?

I can't help but move my hips. In my mind I was in more control as I forcefully shoved my arrogant cock down his throat. But this is my reality as I shake my hips begging for more. I am under his spell as he sucks me dry and I'm more than eager to comply to any of his demands as long as he continues to deliver me this bliss. He looks up at me with those warm coffee-colored eyes that captivate me, challenging me just like in my imagination last night.

"Shizu-chan... I'm gonna..." is all I manage to say before my entire body convulses under the pleasure and I melt under the heat. Even in the haze of my orgasm, I can feel that devious tongue flick on my head as he swallows all my cum. Good god that… that's just…

I flop on my bed exhausted as I try to regain my vision and bask in the afterglow. Something tugs at my brain though despite the glorious euphoria that engulfs me.

There's something wrong.

Shizu-chan rarely gives me a blow job.

Something was very wrong from the moment when he walked in that door. The fact that he's angry at me but kissed me. The fact that he carries me to my room instead of exploding in anger. The way he's gentle and yet possessive…

Now that my head is clearing, I see way too many contradictions in his actions. Shizu-chan is someone who's very straight forward… so his actions must lead to something obvious. And I was missing the point.

I sit up and try again now, brushing his erection with my hand. As I thought, Shizu-chan immediately grabs my wrist away and commands, "Lay back down."

Yep. Something is definitely wrong.

"You know, I don't have any lube in my room. As much as you enjoy rough sex, I'd prefer if I could at least wet you properly," I say as haughtily as possible. It's an act of course, I'm trying to see what Shizu-chan's motive is.

"Or are you planning to have fun all by yourself?"

Actually, that is not quite a lie but not quite the truth either. I do have a bottle of lube but it's not in my room.

It's in the closet.

Little details. They're important when you're an informant who only works with the truth.

Okay, I admit it. This is a big gamble. He can call me on my bull-shit or he can just as easily say 'screw you' and walk out on me right now. Or possibly even take me dry and that's seriously going to be painful. There is of course a chance that he had planned to fuck me from the start and brought his own lube, however I disregard this possibility since Shizu-chan is more spontaneous rather than a planner.

I bet my all on this slot, hoping that I made the right choice. Even if he hates me… I know that deep inside, Shizu-chan is too soft.

Unlike me, who is willing to take 'unconventional methods' to take what I want. And right now what I want is…

"Fine," he agrees, and I sigh inwardly in relief. He falls back on his elbow, allowing me to edge between his legs. I bite my lower lips again. This is it. This is what I've been wanting. Already the vile tastes in my mouth are fading away as longing and desires replace them.

I suck on his erection through the fabric of his boxers experimentally. Feeling it twitch, I smirk inwardly. Shizu-chan's been acting pretty nonchalant for someone who seriously needed it. Feeling more confident, I lick the front of his boxers, wetting the area over and over until the cloth clung to Shizu-chan's massive cock. After licking until I could taste his precum through the boxers, I pull away so Shizu-chan can take them off

Seeing his erection in its full glory sends shivers down my spine. I can't help but think that I really missed it. It really did give off a different feeling, nothing like what I felt with those humans last night. Seeing him like this made my heart beat faster with excitement and anticipation. It didn't make me feel disgusted at all. In fact, I want him even more. I want him to fill me. Stretch my inside and pummel me deeply.

Mentally I take a deep breath and prepare myself. Closing my eyes, I open my mouth to swallow him whole. This is an experiment, I tell myself... to see if my reaction to everyone else applies to Shizu-chan too now.

As the hard cock is shoved inside my mouth, I don't feel the need to gag or hurl. There is no sickening aftertaste as I drag my tongue over the shaft and pull up to the tip before swallowing him whole again. His moans are music to my ears and the taste of his precum is sweet like candy to my tongue.

Ah~ it really is different with Shizu-chan.

I suck on him hard when I pull up, lapping up the saccharine precum that buds at the top. My fingers trace the hard and well shaped hip bones that lead to my treat as I lean in to suck him dry. I twirl my tongue around that throbbing head and moan appreciatively when I feel Shizu-chan's hand fingering through my hair.

I want to feel him.

I want to touch him.

Each sucking and licking melts away the bad after taste of last night as my tongue is coated with sweet precum.

"Enough," he gasps, tightening his hold on my hair, commanding me to back off. I frown and hold on tighter, gliding my mouth and tongue faster. I want more of him. I want to taste this sweet, luscious delicacy that compels me to come back for him again and again. This taste was different from others. It was more-

"Fuck, stop!"

Shizu-chan almost yanks on my hair, forcefully prying me off. I whimper as my favorite treat is pulled out of my reach. Because he tore me away in the midst of my sucking, a long string of saliva connects my lips to his wet cock. I look up at him, pleading with my eyes, begging him to let me continue as I drag my tongue and lick the underside of his head.

Shizu-chan never listens to me though.

He gets on his knees and hovers his fingers over my lips.

"Suck," he commands me, brushing his fingers against my plump lips impatiently. Ah well… it'll have to do. I wrap my hands around his wrist and pull his fingers forward. Closing my eyes again I take those digits and start to suck. I imagine them to be like his cock now, wet, hard and delicious as my tongue glides over them. Each licking and sucking brings me further and further away from last night.

I just want to melt into this bliss.

When he pulls his fingers away from me too, I open my eyes to see what he wants next. His hazel brown eyes are filled with lust and I'm sure I look the same. He wraps his arm around my waist and draws me in. I cling to him once again, my anticipation throbbing with eagerness as his finger brushes against my entrance before thrusting inside.

I don't hold back my moan as I lean against his head. I want Shizu-chan to hear me as I breathe into his ears. He's gentle as he carefully prepares me for him and I can't help but wonder in the midst of my hazy arousal…

Shizu-chan… why are you doing this?

My grip tightens when his second finger enters. I can feel those digits move and scissor me, stretching me apart to make room for him. My mind sends alarms that something is wrong when Shizu-chan's head nuzzles me gently, telling me to relax. But with Shizu-chan's seductive touches, my brain melts into the heat and I can't think about anything except that I really want him. I really want him to fill me completely with his cock and let me just ride him until I faint.

Without much warning, Shizu-chan pulls out his fingers and drops me back to the bed. I gasp in surprise but it doesn't last long as Shizu-chan pulls up my legs over his shoulders, forcing me to lay there helplessly as he takes control over my body once again. I grip on to the bed sheets and close my eyes, waiting.

I scream silently as that massive hard cock pierces my inside, pries me open and buries itself deeply. He pulls out mid-way only to swiftly drive in even deeper. My body writhes in ecstasy from that force alone.

Nothing can feel better than having Shizu-chan completely fill me like this. Nothing.

When he doesn't move, I look up and wordlessly command him to fuck me already.

Then he does something I don't understand.

He kisses me on the side of my knees.

That soft touch of his lips confuses me even more than I've ever been confused in my entire life! Why are you doing this, Shizu-chan? What are you trying to tell me? Your mixed signals are confusing the hell out of-!

However, all thoughts are lost once more as his throbbing hot cock thrusts and thrusts again and I lay there powerlessly, giving up control to him. I melt under his heat as he continues to bury himself deeply inside me, stretching me, filling me and forcing me to move with him. I'm more than glad to be his partner as I roll my hips to match with his tempo.

This is the rhythm I know and the heartbeat that I dance to.

I let him take me and make me his.

I'm drowning in desire even as the back of my mind continues to tug and tell me that something is off. However, it's just too hard to focus when my pressing need feels more urgent. Right now, all I want is Shizu-chan. I know I'm being way too clingy but I can't help it as I desperately moan with my unfulfilled lustful desires. My body is too addicted to his touches and just the mere thought of him not giving me my fix and walking out on me is….

…

…..

…..!

Suddenly several things start to click together. Like when one finds the last missing piece and all the links start to connect instantaneously, formulating the bigger picture.

Ah… Shizu-chan, you're planning to…

I can feel him slam hard into me, each thrust burning a mark as it sends shivers down my spine. I can feel his desperation with each piercing penetration. I can feel his hands gently caress me, much more tenderly than before, each fingertip speaking volumes of his intention.

How did I not notice this?

My chest tightens painfully. I try to take a deep breath but it's impossible. No longer do I feel pleasure from any of Shizu-chan's passionate thrusts or affectionate strokes. I open my eyes to gaze up at Shizu-chan, who has his eyes closed as he concentrates hard on giving me the greatest pleasure I'll ever experience.

But I feel none of it.

All I feel is pain.

My heart throbs painfully.

It's so painful… it hurts.

It hurts.

It hurts.

It hurts.

It hurts to know that this is my last time with him. It hurts to know that he plans to leave me. It hurts to know that he's selfishly trying to mark me with a deep impression so I'll still never forget him. It hurts to know I'm so  _hurt_  by this silly situation that should be miniscule compared to everything and I know I should normally be able to blow it off as if it was nothing.

I can handle rape. I can handle abuse. I can handle betrayal. I can handle rage and vengeance. I can handle anything, every single dark muck that thickly coats the hearts of all human beings. That blemish that everyone tries desperately to hide.

I love prying them apart and pouring out that stink that humans frantically pretend doesn't exist. When they throw their trash at me, I can handle it. It was part of being human, an integral part of humanity.

But this… ….this….

 
    
    
    …I can’t… 
    
                                    ….. can’t…
    
                                                                        …. can’t…!
     
               why is he leaving me?            
    
                                                     why does it hurt so much?
    
    I’m such a retard to even think that I…              I….
    
    
                                                              no, I’m not in love with him!
                              …but I don’t want him to leave…….
    
    why does it matter anymore?
    
                                                                         he’ll never understand 
    me.
                       what’s the point of trying to explain anything?
                                                      
                                     …                    isn’t it better this way?
    
    then why does it hurt so much?
    
                                                                          then why does it hurt so much?
    
                             then why does it hurt so much?   
                                                                                   then 
    why…
    
                                                     ….why
    
                             …why
                                                                              …why does it hurt
    
             so much…. 
                                                                                     to know…
    
    
    
    …that he’s never coming back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MistressKiko:
> 
> To all of you who commented on the hot/emotional smut, thank you, you made me very happy :D! I'm never confident in my smut, psh.


	8. Stay

 

**Izaya's POV  
-**

I cry out when he thrusts into my sweet spot, the pleasure forcing me back to my reality.

But he stops.

I look up at him wondering why he stopped and he looks down at me shocked and perhaps even confused. Why is he looking at me like…

Oh shit! Not again, my mask…!

I quickly brush away the tears that sting my cheeks. When did I start… damn. Forget it. It doesn't matter anymore.

"Don't stop," I whisper to him with my lusty voice. I can't have him stop on me now… I need him. I need this!

I pull down my legs to wrap around his waist. He's packed with muscles, and I can't get enough of that supernatural strength he has as he drives inside me again and again. I sit up to grab his shoulders and pull him down on top of me. This monster I fell in love with… why does one desperately cling harder when we all know it's futile.

As my fingers tangle themselves in his messy blond hair, I brush my lips gently against his. At this point, my muddled brain along with my shattered heart can't figure out what I'm thinking or feeling any longer. Do I actually love this monster, or do I just lust after his body? Am I thinking I've fallen in love when it's actually just the regret of losing something I once took for granted?

He continues to stare at me with confused coffee-colored eyes. Warm, just the way I like them.

Even if I'm caught up in the moment, I can't help but smirk at the irony. How unlike of me to fall in love with a non-human.

I start grinding into him, pleased when I'm rewarded with his groan. When I lick his lips to request for entry, he relents to me as he opens his mouth and accepts me. The taste of the cigarette fills my mouth once again, the taste and scent I know all too well. He starts thrusting into me deeply and I give in to the pleasure. I arch into him, needing more. My desires ripple through my body as my erection rubs against his hard abs greedily. My brain and heart melt once again to his touches and I let go, just letting him ride me, shear me, burn me and engrave me with his name.

"Shizu-chan!" I cry out to him when I reach my climax. Even in the midst of my ecstasy, I greedily seek for his lips again and mewl when he kisses me. In the back of my mind, I tell myself, 'Damn Izaya. Since when did you become such a whiny spoiled brat?' But none of that matters once Shizu-chan comes inside me, filling me with his hot scorching load as I eat him with insatiable hunger.

When he pulls out, my heart freezes cold.

No, not yet.

I don't want him to…!

I push him back down onto the bed.

Taking a deep breath, I impale myself as I deeply bury his still semi-hard cock within me.

"Wh- what the fuck, you greedy shit?" Shizu-chan gasps breathlessly.

I flicker a grin at him, wearing my confident mask #20. My masks are my shields, my last defense.

Because I refuse to let him know how much he has hurt me today.

The pain flares up when I start moving my hips and grinds him again. I grit my teeth and bear with it. This is nothing compared to the damn agony I'm feeling in my heart.

"Shizu-chan…" I moan, rolling my hips and riding above him. Placing my hands on top of his chest, I force myself to pick up the pace. If he thought that I'm going to let him go so easily after crushing my heart and trying to make me lust after him before he disappears from me, then he has something else coming!

I smirk inwardly, noting that Shizu-chan's eyes are half-mast, watching my hips move intently. Ah~ Shizu-chan, when you look at me like that, strangely my anger dissipates into mist.

"Shizu-chan… mmnng… Shizu-chan…" I call out to him again, feeling my lower body melt into the heat as he sets me on fire.

Shizu-chan, stay.

"Shizu-chan…" I moan as I roll my hips seductively as I can.

Shizu-chan, don't leave me.

"Shizu-chan…!" I gasp when my prostate is slammed hard in that one particular thrust.

Shizu-chan, please stay…

Stay until the morning.

Stay with me into the night.

What can I say to make you stay with me?

What can I do to make you come back to me?

"Shizu-chan…" my voice stutters as I push back my tears. I refuse to let them fall.

His eyes snap up to me when I call out his name. Our eyes lock. Gritting my teeth, I challenge him as I grind harder.

Shizu-chan… are you sure you want to leave me? And leave  _this_ behind? Even if it's just lust, I want to use it as a chain to shackle you down and make you mine forever.

He growls at me and bends his legs. His hands lunge to grab my hips and before I know it, he thrusts upward into me. I cry out as the pleasure doubles in intensity.

"Hah! Ah... aghn... Shizu... chan," I tremble before him, not caring who is shackling who… as long as two of us are chained to each other, I don't care how twisted this bond becomes.

I bounce up and down his hard cock, riding to his rhythm and beat as he rams inside me with that scorching heat. Squeezing down at his erection, I tighten my walls almost painfully, wanting him to feel me scream for him.

One of his hand wraps around my needy cock and strokes it.

Oh god… Shizu… don't! That's… just… haaa… too good! You're… gonna... make me…nnngh….!

Barely holding back my orgasm, I reach out to him.

Shizu… chan… I … I want to feel you…

My mind is dizzy and my vision fuzzy. But I know the touch of your hands as they wrap around me possessively. I cup your cheeks that burn in the color of this fiery red only for me.

"Shizu-chan, please kiss me," I beg, with my lips hovering over yours.

Please don't deny me.

Your kiss leaves me breathless. Your bitter cigarette flavored lips as well as your hazel warm coffee colored eyes are all I need for me to send me over the edge.

* * *

I open my heavy-lidded eyes when I feel the chills on my body. Feeling too cold, I roll over as I gather some blankets to warm me up.

At first, my mind is still fuzzy from sleeping. Last thing I remember was calling out to Shizu-chan as I force ourselves to come for the4th? No, 5th time? Riding him until I blacked out…

My heart freezes even colder and I quickly push myself up to look around me.

The room is dark and I feel no other presence but myself in the empty bedroom.

With a heavy sigh I fall back to my cool sheets.

Ah~ Shizu-chan… you left after all.

I laugh out loud at my pitiful self. How silly of you Orihara Izaya. How did you expect to get your message across with just your eyes and actions alone without voicing them? Shizu-chan's so thick-headed, you already knew that he doesn't even listen when you speak out, how did you expect him to understand when you didn't even try vocalizing your wish?

But I had hoped that he would understand. Through my body language, I had hoped that…

The room is too cold and the bed too wide for one person. I've never thought of this room to be too big before but tonight, it is.

I roll to one side as I gather the blankets, curling into a cocoon.

But I still feel cold…

…cold…

And cold…

I close my eyes trying to ignore the cold so I can get more sleep. However, I can't help as my mind drifts toward that certain blond that bruised my heart.

How dare you Shizu-chan… it's not fair.

When I close my eyes, all I can think of is how warm your kisses were. That soft touch of your lips on the side of my knee. That gentle whisper and moan as you say my name with your lusty voice.

Damn you, Shizu-chan. So in the end you did selfishly leave a mark on me and before walking out forever. Just as I…

…

I hate you so much. I hate that you don't love me.

In the end it's for the best. I may be able to handle every single vile trash that resides in all humanity's heart… but…

… but the pure genuine affection that Shizu-chan showed me today was…

….something… I…

… can't…

….

With great difficulty, I sigh deeply, forcing myself to sleep. I tell my heavy heart that it's not worth the heartache and the suffering.

Heh, how funny, isn't it?

It's only when we lose it, we realize how precious it was.

 **-**  
Shizuo's POV  
-

_Are you sure you want to erase this entry?_

I glare daggers at my cellphone screen. The fucking thing is mocking me! Of course I'm not sure about deleting Izaya's number!

With a growl, I snap the cover shut and fling it. It bounces and rolls on my mattress until it finds a resting place lodged in my pillow.

"Fuck," I mutter to an empty room, leaning down to rest my forehead on my hands. I try fervently to rub at my temples, willing this roaring headache to go away or at least be alleviated just a little, but it isn't working at all.

I wish there was a way I could turn my mind off, for a couple minutes at least! It's been two days since I left Izaya, but the damn flea would not stop haunting my thoughts. Over and over, I kept seeing his tears, kept hearing my name from his lips like a broken record.

This is fucking ridiculous.

Why,  _why_  did I not ask him why he was crying?

That's what has been plaguing my mind the most. It wasn't like Izaya to cry. Ever. Something had to be wrong, and I just selfishly focused on my own pleasure? The whole point was to focus on him, damn it!

I take a deep breath.

But it didn't even matter.

It didn't matter.

_It didn't matter._

… ugh, but it did matter! It mattered to me! It would  _always_  matter to me, because as much as I pushed him away or thought myself utterly foolish for these feelings, they still  _existed_. These wretched little things that pulled at my heart and made me nauseous. These things that made me want to see him right now.

I fling myself back on the bed, crossing my arms over my eyes.

"DAMN YOU!" I scream into the air, my throat tight.

I don't even know what I'm damning.

These feelings? Izaya himself? This whole fucked up situation?

I just hoped it'd make me feel a little better. Give me even an ounce of gratification.

It didn't.

I inhale shakily.

Where are you right now, Izaya? Am I in your thoughts at all? You really need to get the hell out of mine.

A bitter smile crosses my lips.

It's useless. Even if I was given the chance, I couldn't bring myself to wish away my memories of you. They're all I have, and I'm clinging onto them desperately; way more than I should. I want those moments. Those moments when we were completely enraptured in each other, tangled limbs and stolen breaths, blinded by pleasure as we forgot the world only for seconds.

But those seconds were precious.

So precious.

Because it was in those seconds that I could see my reflection in your eyes. During that little time, I knew without a doubt that you were seeing me, and me alone.

Those seconds were the happiest moments of my life.

…

My eyes sting.

...

Hey, Izaya.

I love you.

Heh, but I've already confessed this, haven't I? Though the words never have and never will reach you.

Still doesn't make them go away.

Time is supposed to help heal, right? Then I'll wait. I'll wait until I can finally bring myself to delete your number.

I'll wait until this burning in my chest stops.

I'll wait until I hardly think of you anymore.

I'll wait.

And I'll pray it doesn't take long.

A low whirring sound hits my ears, and my mattress softly vibrates. Sliding my arms off my head, I turn to see my phone rumbling against my pillow, the screen's blue lighting reflecting off the pillowcase.

I'm really not in the mood to answer, so I just ignore it.

Until it starts ringing again.

Damn it, so they want to be persistent, huh?

I snatch the phone and look at the screen.

_Unknown Caller._

I frown and flip it open.

"Hello?" I growl rather moodily. Maybe I should toss this damn thing. It rings at the most inconvenient of times.

My body stills when a familiar voice reaches my ears.

"Good afternoon, Heiwajima-san. Having to call you again is certainly an unfortunate circumstance. But I'll keep this concise."

"Who-?"

"I believe I had asked you to stay away from Orihara-san, but you didn't heed my warning. In fact, you disregarded my warning completely and saw him the very next day," he talked in tone that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Like I had disappointed him, "That's no good, Heiwajima-san. We all want a peaceful negotiation here."

"I don't give a fuck about your warni-"

"I'll have to consider this a breech of our contract," the bastard interrupted me again, spouting nonsense because I never even  _agreed_  to a contract, and actually having the nerve to chuckle before continuing his incessant rambling, "Well, not to worry. No harm will befall on you."

I snort. Damn right no 'harm will befall on me.' Who do you think you're threatening?

"Rather, we'll just take your most precious person out of your reach."

… what?

"We'll take better care of him more than you ever could. Well then, thank you and have a nice day."

The sound of the dial-tone is loud in my ears.

… most precious person?

_Take?_

Heart thumping against my ribcage, I quickly dial Kasuka's number, practically smashing the phone against my ear. It rings forever.

"Pick up the phone," I plead as if he can hear me. There are a couple more rings that just increase my anticipation before a click.

"In the middle of a commercial," Kasuka's monotone voice filters through the phone.

"I want you to get bodyguards on you immediately," I caution quickly. I have no idea if that guy on the phone is serious, but I am in no way taking any chances. This was my little brother..!

"... okay," is his unperturbed, quick answer.

Despite my worry and incredibly horrid mood, his immediate trust still manages to make me smile just a bit.

"Stay safe, and sorry I interrupted your shoot."

"Yeah. You stay safe too, nii-san."

I still feel apprehensive as I end the call.

My most precious person. Of course Kasuka entered my mind first, but lingering in the back of my mind is another name.

Izaya.

… Izaya!

This is all his fucking fault anyway! Him and his jealous little fuck-buddies! Of course a man like Izaya would attract dangerous people, and now it's his fault I'm being threatened! You'd think the damn genius would know how to think before he acts.

He  _does_  know. Which means he's just wanting to cause havoc like always. Hell, this could be planned. I wouldn't put it past him to set up something like this just to fuck with my mind!

As if he doesn't fuck with it enough!

Seething, I fling myself out of bed.

I have my shoes on and am locking the door behind me before I pause.

Fuck, I don't want to see Izaya!

I mean, I do, but... I don't!

But he's the only lead I have, and I swear I will destroy this whole fucking city if anyone even pulls a hair from Kasuka's head!

And if Kasuka  _does_  get hurt, and you're behind this Izaya, so help me...

I'm halfway to Shinjuku when I realize I didn't grab cigarettes. The realization makes my mood even more fowl. The craving for nicotine is almost rivaling the need to find out who the hell threatened me.

So by the time I'm standing in front of Izaya's door, my eye is twitching and my stomach is churning uncomfortably.

Heh, look at that. He already got the door fixed.

_BAM!_

Oops, the door's broken again. Too bad.

Swallowing my nervousness and mentally batting away the butterflies in my stomach, I manage a snarl as I walk through the caved-in door.

"I-ZA-y... ah?"

The apartment is full of men in prim suits, all of whom are looking in my direction with ugly sneers on their faces.

But I don't have much time to examine them, or make any kind of sense of the situation, when my eyes land on Izaya.

I'm dumbfounded by the sight.

Those fiery, ruby-red eyes are covered with a blindfold, and his mouth gagged. His hands are hidden behind his back, and I can conclude they are tied up when I see his legs in the same situation.

"Ah~ Heiwajima-san. I certainly didn't expect to see you so soon."

My gaze flies from Izaya to the man standing closest to him. He stands out, being the only man in white amongst the sea of black suits. But that voice...!

This is the man who was on the phone with me! I wait a moment to see if he will continue to drone on like in our phone conversation, and possibly explain why the hell Izaya was sitting there immobile, but he doesn't say anything else. He just smirks at me; a look that promises he knows something I don't.

I don't like that look.

I don't like this  _situation._

Izaya, what the hell did you do this time!

"... who are you?" I ask lowly, body tense as I glance around. A quick mental count resulted in fifteen guys in the room, minus Izaya and whoever Mystery Caller was, "And what the hell is going on here?"

"Who I am doesn't concern you," he responds, and I grit my teeth in anger at his dismissal, "And frankly, what's going on here doesn't concern you either. After all, you always wished to live a peaceful life without Orihara-san meddling in it, right? Don't worry, we'll make sure you never see him again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RukawaGF: To everyone really, thank you so much for liking izaya's pov. your thoughts and reviews give me more confidence, so thank you once again
> 
> MistressKiko: To all of our lovely reviewers: Thaaaaaank you for the support x3! And I apologize for the cliffhanger. Not really. But you know. ;D


	9. A Desperate Confession

 

 **Shizuo's POV**  
-

As if his word was their cue, the other men in the room start walking toward Izaya at about the same time alarms start going off in my head.

Never see Izaya again?

My body is breaking out in a cold sweat.

Well, that had been my plan, but... this was above and beyond what I ever imagined! Izaya was bound and gagged right in front of me; what else were these fuckers going to do to him?

"Stop," I growl, the warning reverberating in my chest. But they don't heed the warning.

They keep walking closer, grubby hands reaching for him.

For Izaya.

For  _my_  Izaya.

"I said," I continue, snatching a rather stylish-looking lamp from a nearby desk and rearing by right arm back, "STOP!"

The lamp soared through the air and shattered against one of the mens' heads. He slumped to the ground with a resounding thud.

HA. That put your attention back on me, didn't it, you bastards?

"Get away from him," I warn menacingly, cracking my knuckles as I advance. Blood is rushing through my veins at an alarming rate, boiling underneath the surface.

"The fuck, man? Isn't this guy just your bitch?" One of the men voices, with a quick startled glance down at his fallen comrade.

I swear I feel a vein pop in my forehead.

With a war cry, I yank the guy's arm, grab his shirt, and forcefully shove it down his throat. With an ugly choking noise, he falls backward, clenching his throat.

 _That's_  for gagging him.

I whip my head to look at the next guy, waiting just long enough to see his expression turn into immense fear before curling both of my fists and jabbing them in his eyes at the same time. He screams as he, too, flies backward, and quickly covers the eyes that will surely be black and blue within seconds.

 _That's_  for blindfolding him.

The next guy I grab at random, twisting and turning his arms and legs until he's an unmovable human pretzel and dropping him to the floor. On his face.

 _That's_  for binding him.

I'm mildly caught off-guard when one of the guys comes from behind me and jumps on my back. Gritting my teeth, I reach behind me and grab hold of his arm. With a mighty twist of my body, I spin and send him flying through the air, knocking down two other guys like bowling pins.

 _That's_  for being stupid enough to attack me from behind.

Seven out of fifteen down.

That's still a failing grade.

So I bend down and grab hold of the largest bookcase I see, teetering just a bit under its weight and throw a smirk at the remaining competitors. They immediately panic and start scrambling around as the bookcase flies through the air.

Four unlucky bastards get sandwiched between the wall and the bookshelf while tons of books fall and tumble to the floor.

And  _that's_  just because I wanted to.

I roll my neck and punch a fist into my other hand, challengingly looking around.

You gonna try to touch him  _now!_

"Heiwajima-san."

I whip my head around at my name.

The guy in the white suit flicks a Zippo, a flame dancing up from the metal box. He languidly lights the cigarette in his mouth and snaps the lid to his lighter shut, taking a long, deep drag and blowing the curling smoke out in the air.

He shoves his lighter in his pocket, and I'm shocked when the hand reemerges with a gun.

And I freeze.

There's only a moment. A single, unforgiving moment, where my breathing stops and my heart plummets to the depths of my stomach. I watch in horror as he holds a shiny silver gun to Izaya's side, his finger pressing against the trigger.

"If I can't have him," he begins, staring straight at Izaya as his finger tightens on the trigger, "No one else will."

_BANG!_

Have you ever felt your heart stop beating and just.. sink? Sink and incessantly burn, burn until it hurts to breathe, so you stop that too. And then panic sets in, but not because your lungs are screaming, pleading for oxygen... it's because all you see is red, red, red. Red as it soaks through a large portion of the shirt covering his stomach, red as he suddenly convulses and chokes, spitting more  _red_  through his gag.

No.

No no no no.

That didn't just happen.

Why shoot him? Why not shoot me? I can take a bullet. I can take ten. I'd take a hundred for him, so why..?

Izaya is not like me. He isn't cursed with this abnormally powerful body. His brilliant mind can only do so much. One bullet hitting the wrong artery would take him from this world.

It would take him from  _me_. And this way... this way, there would be no getting him back.

Just the thought sent an icy chill down the back of my spine.

"Izaya," his name slips from my lips in a shaky gasp as I blindly move forward. My knees hit the ground harshly right in front of him, but I pay no mind. I don't even care about the shuffling of people around me.

I think they're leaving.

It doesn't matter.

Izaya is..

Trembling hands attempt to untie his blindfold. They're trembling so much it takes two tries to just tug the knot loose.

Why did they shoot him..?

There. His beautiful crimson eyes. This was the red I wanted to see. Not..

I hurriedly take off the gag, flinging it to the ground. He doesn't talk, he just stares almost unseeingly, his blood-stained mouth set in a grimace. My thumb brushes over his lips in a vain attempt to wipe that fucking red away, but it only smears.

"Hey, are you ok?" I ask stupidly, worriedly. He doesn't reply, but it looks like he's trying to. The corners of his lips twitch upward just a bit, almost like a forced smile. To my dismay, I finally realize how unstable he is, and I know something's really wrong, "Say something!"

I don't mean to shout. But it comes out as so, because I'm desperate, and it's so wrong to see him helpless like this, and I feel like I have to  _do_ something, but I'm at a pathetic loss and...

His mouth is trying to move again, but only ragged, dry breathes emerge from those bloodied lips.

Spitting blood. That's not good, right? I'm no doctor, but that cannot be good.

.. doctor!

That's what I need!

I almost reach for my cellphone, but pause. What good would a call do? Who knew how much time I had left before.. before..

I had to get him to Shinra's. Now.

"Hang on," I breathe as I work on untying his arms and legs. The rope is unwound in record time, my body now driven my determination even as it continues to shake. Trying my hardest to lift him easily, so I don't cause him any more pain, I cradle him in my arms securely and run out of his apartment.

Damn it, Izaya, why did you have to live out here in Shinjuku?

.. probably because I kept chasing you off.

Guilt claws at my chest, making me cringe.

This was my fault. If I hadn't given in to Izaya on that first day... if I hadn't idiotically fallen for him and selfishly kept him around... there would be no reason for that jealous bastard to lose it. Maybe, if things had been different, Izaya wouldn't be in this situation right now.

It's ironic, really. After all the threats, the yells of "I'll kill you, flea!" turning into wanting to protect him from harm and a love that succeeded all I thought possible, will I end up harming him anyway?

Is this fate's way of mocking me?

A tug.

It's so light, I think I imagine it. But then-

"Sh.."

My head snaps down to Izaya in surprise, and a sense of hope rushes through me.

"Sh.. sh.. shizu.. ch-" He tries, cringing.

I almost want to cry when I hear his voice  _trying_  to say my name.

"Hold on," I plead, running faster despite my burning legs. To be honest, I didn't expect him to heed my warning. Izaya was always a stubborn one, probably more stubborn than me.

That's why when I look back down and see him resting against me with his eyes closed, I panic.

"IZAYA."

His eyes reopen automatically, and I have to take in a deep breath to calm my rapidly beating heart. Fuck, 'hold on' didn't mean 'act like you're dead so you can freak me the fuck out'!

But...

What if the next time I call your name.. your eyes don't open?

If someone had told me just yesterday that I would be confessing to Orihara Izaya today, I would have laughed, and then punched that someone in the face.

Because really, it was a laughable and idiotic idea. Izaya had enough power over me as it was; doing something like this was like signing my soul over to the devil.

But sign I would, in big bold letters. I had lost this battle and the unmoving weight in my arms made me painfully aware that I could lose everything.

"I'm sorry," I say quietly, before taking a deep breath and repeating it louder, "I'm sorry. What I said, how I acted... I didn't want to be such a jerk to you, but..."

I'm almost scared to look down at his face, but my eyes travel like a magnet to his eyes. They are staring up at me, wide and searching. The scrutiny leaves me embarrassed, and I quickly look ahead again, set on continuing as my heart beats furiously in my chest.

"I was jealous, damn it! I hear how you have so many lovers and then I see those marks on you and it's not fucking fair, Izaya! It's not fair that I'm the only one in love, you greedy little shit. You take everything..." I trail off, desperately trying to keep my emotions in check. God, I'm practically yelling at him while I'm confessing. This is so fucked up. A forced chuckle escapes my lips from the complete absurdity of the situation, and I build up enough courage to look back down at him, "Yeah, I just told you I love you. So you better be able to laugh at me for it later, you hear me?"

His lips are parted, his eyes still staring me down in the most unnerving way... and I almost trip in my run when his eyes turn glassy, and he shuts his eyelids just as tears leak out from the corners.

"H-hey! Does it hurt that bad? We're almost there," I say worriedly, running even faster when I recognize Shinra's street. I'm starting to think doors are very unnecessary things when I destroy Shinra's with a powerful kick, "SHINRA. 'the hell are you!"

I stop when Shinra comes into view. He's in the kitchen, and was apparently in the middle of pouring himself some tea, but now he's staring at me with wide, startled eyes. I can tell he's shocked from the appearance, if the fact he's so focused on me that he doesn't realize his cup is overflowing with tea indicates anything.

"Help him!" I demand, gesturing at the still-crying Izaya in my arms. Shinra jumps at the command, before hastily putting down the tea pot as his face grows serious.

"This way. What happened?" Shinra asks as he leads me through the apartment quickly.

"He was shot. In the stomach. And he was coughing up blood, and now he's crying..!" I quickly explain, cringing as my descriptions nearly make me relive the moment. It's terrifying.

"Lay him here," Shinra orders, gesturing toward the bed when we enter a spare room for his patients. He adjusts the glasses on his nose and nods, "One bullet, or several?"

"One," I answer as I carefully lay Izaya down on the bed. His dripping eyes are staring off somewhere, pointedly away from me, and it makes my chest heavy.

"Any other wounds you know of?" Shinra asks next, fiddling with different instruments at the bedside.

"No... he was tied up by his wrists and legs, there may be rope burns," I inform. Shinra gives me an odd look at that, probably wondering how Izaya got himself into a situation like that just like I did, before nodding again.

"Alright, I'm going to have to ask you to leave the room," Shinra replies, gesturing toward the door with a look that left no argument. Fighting against the urge to say I wanted to stay beside him, I trudge out of the room with one last glance at Izaya.

Still looking away, still crying.

I faintly hear Shinra say something to him through the closed door, but I can't make it out. Suddenly I realize I have no idea what to do with myself. I wonder why Celty isn't here, and wish she was, just so I could focus my thoughts on something other than Izaya.

Plopping down on the couch, I hide my face in my palms.

I made it here. Izaya is still alive, and now that he was in Shinra's care, everything will be okay, right? Despite trying to assure myself, my hands won't stop shaking.

I notice blood on my vest, and in disgust, I quickly take it off and throw it out of my sight.

The minute I find out who that bastard was that shot Izaya, I am going to murder him with my bare hands. I'll show him just how  _jealous_  I can get.

That thought makes me think of my confession, and my face heats up dramatically. I can't believe it's... actually in the open now. But just as soon as one boulder is lifted off my shoulders, another one appears.

I'm afraid to face Izaya. When he's okay... because he  _had_  to be okay... what will he say? Will he laugh? Will he find some way to use the information to his advantage?

Is there even a small chance that he will take the confession seriously?

Could I trust him if he did?

Bringing my hands away from my face, I stare down at the coffee table.

Trust. Right. That was the biggest issue here. Izaya knew how to twist and bend his words to make the situation whatever he wished it to be. He was not the kind of person one would feel comfortable trusting right off the bat. I wanted to believe in his words. So badly. Because I still remember his snarky attitude when he told me I was the only one he went to bed with. Of course those words branded themselves in my mind, because beyond anything else, I wished they were true.

And what bothers me the most, is that I still can't figure out a reason why Izaya would refute my claim.

Why not just flaunt it in my face? Was he specifically trying to keep me holding on to a hope that didn't exist?

Or maybe...

I frown, shaking my head.

Maybe I was getting my hopes up, that's what. Those marks on him were proof of his lies, and there was no way I could turn a blind eye to it. I just...

I sigh, sinking back into the couch pathetically.

Love sucks. No wonder I never wanted to deal with it before.

I have no idea how long I was out there on the couch. I refused to continue to glance at a clock, because that just made time tick by even slower. My hands were still shaking, but not quite as much, and I was grateful. I was  _not_  grateful for Shinra not coming out of that room once to inform me of  _something_. Good, bad, whatever... I just needed to know!

As if he read my thoughts, I hear the door open, and immediately look up. Really, I was expecting either a smile or a frown, not... well, Shinra is looking at me like one wrong move is going to kill him.

This definitely doesn't settle well with me.

"Shizuo," Shinra says timidly, raising one hand up in front of him, "Before I say anything, I would like to remind you that I really do love this apartment, and Celty does too. You wouldn't want to destroy something Celty loves, ne?"

My eye twitches as I rise off the couch. He's trying to avoid something, I can tell.

"Shinra," I say his name curtly, urging him to get to the point. His other hand comes up to join the other in a defensive position.

"No matter how bad the news is, I want you to remain calm. CALM," he warns. I feel my stomach drop. Bad news? Is Izaya... "Oh and uh... I'd really like if there wasn't a murder scene in my apartment. Police swarming around here isn't going to help Celty. Or me, since I'm an underground doctor and they would question my facilities here..."

Shinra kept rambling on, nervously fiddling with his glasses. I was just confused.

"SHINRA!" I shout, effectively making him jump and shut his mouth tightly, "Just  _tell_  me already!"

Shinra took a deep breath, and pocketed his hands in his lab-coat.

"... first of all, Izaya will not die."

I breathe a sigh of immense relief.

"The wound isn't fatal and... actually... no, let's back up first," Shinra continues, and I'm still irked by his avoidance, "Don't kill Izaya. Please?"

… what?

Why would I-

"It's really not his fault! Someone tricked both of you! He's... not hurt at all, really. The... bullet wound was fake... ha... he was just drugged up so he couldn't talk and..."

I was probably gaping. I wasn't quite sure, because I felt numb.

Not hurt?

The bullet wound was fake?

I  _saw_  him get shot! Right in front of my  _eyes_! He was  _coughing up blood_!

Driven by a maddening force to prove myself right, I walk forward, practically shoving Shinra aside even as he protests. I barge into the room, my breath catching when Izaya turns to look at me. He looks fidgety, offering me a nervous smile that looks forced.

I continue into the room, stopping right by his bedside and swiftly lifting his shirt where I knew the wound was...

There is no wound.

There are still a few smears of red over the skin, but the skin is very much smooth, pale, and untouched. Nothing damaged, nothing stitched.

My eyes snap back up to Izaya in disbelief.

What the  _fuck_  happened here!


	10. No More Masks

 

**Izaya's POV – Earlier the same day -  
-**

"Why are you doing this, Shiki-san?" I demand as he shoots me up with a clear unknown liquid. It stings.

He suddenly appeared with his men and I was forced to send Namie home. Then he proceeded to order his men to tie me up, though his men were quite careful with me.

I didn't resist since it was obvious I probably couldn't run away.

Now he's injected me with something that numbs and tingles as it rushes through my blood vessels.

"It's for your own good, Orihara-san. You've been moping non-stop. I take it that you got dumped by Heiwajima-san?"

"I am  _not_  moping," I growl. "And I'm not  _dumped_  since we weren't in a relationship to begin with."

We both glare at each other in a staring contest.

He loses first as he sighs.

"Orihara-san, I know you're not the most honest person in the world but anyone could see you've been heartbroken for the past few days. Seeing you so lifeless like this makes me wish I could punch some sense in to both of you."

"We are  _not_  in a relationship and never were, Shiki-san. I really don't understand where you got this idea." I scoff and look away. I don't like this. Where the hell did he-

"Orihara-san. Did you know you talk in your sleep?"

I freeze.

"You mention his name a lot you know, each time you had to crash at the headquarters previously."

"… my Shiki-san. I didn't realize you were such a creepy stalker, watching me as I sleep in your place." I jeer back at him. It's the only thing I could do to mask my surprise.

Damn, no wonder he knew so much. I doubt he'd believe me if I said they were nothing but dreams.

"Of course. I am in love with you after all."

Wait. What?

Did he just say….

His simple words and piercing gaze leaves me speechless.

He smiles when I just stare at him like a fool.

"It's certainly rare of you to drop your masks, Orihara-san. I'm glad I'm also capable of such ability time to time."

I quickly snap shut my mouth and looks away with a huff.

What the fuck is he doing? Playing with me?

"Don't worry. You'll be with him soon enough," he says as he gets up.

"I've thought of stealing you away when I saw that that deplorable man can't even protect you that night… but I've changed my mind. You look pretty terrible without him by your side."

I roll my eyes pretending to be bored at his droning tone. My head is already calculating fast and my heart beat is erratic but I manage to stay calm.

"Is that why you called that monster in the middle of the night to tell him to stay away from me? You made him pretty pissed you know."

He smirks at me in reply. This man is starting to irritate me. He ignores my question.

"The drug I gave you will slowly numb your nerves and restrict your movement. It won't hinder your thinking but you won't be able to move or talk for few hours."

He takes out three pills from his pill case in his pocket and pushes them into my mouth. He then gags me with a handkerchief.

"When you hear a gunshot, I want you to bite the pills and drink it. It'll save you."

I frown since I can't speak anymore. I can already feel the numbness sensation tingling and spreading.

After he ties my mouth, he orders his men. "Everyone. Face the door."

Once the men faces forward he leans towards me, closing his eyes.

I feel his lips brush against me through the fabrics of the handkerchief.

…

My mind feels numb from those soft touches. I don't like them but more than anything my mind realizes…

Ah… so Shiki-san really did…

…

How unfortunate. Since now I understand how it feels to be suffering from something that's unrequited forever.

Once he moves away, he stares back at me seriously.

"Thank you for indulging me that one moment, Orihara-san. I wish for your happiness."

Then he covers my eyes with another blindfold, leaving me in complete darkness and helplessness as I hear him call Shizu-chan.

* * *

I can hear Shizu-chan barging in the door followed by sounds of things smashing and breaking.

Cringing at the sound, I try to move my arms and feet.

No luck. It's not the tight ropes that keep me immobile.

It's this weird drug.

There's nothing I can do as I hear Shizu-chan get angry and destroy my apartment. I'm not quite sure what's going on since I can't see anything.

Then I hear the sound of the gunshot ring close by me as well as a light punch to my stomach.

That's my signal.

Despite tying me up, gagging me, blindfolding me and drugging me, I trust Shiki-san. Something in his sincere eyes told me that I can.

So I crush the pills with my teeth and swallow.

… the fuck? Oh  _yuck!_

Immediately I choke, trying to spit out the disgusting liquid. It tastes nasty and something makes me keep coughing and coughing. My body convulses as I curl up, trying to push out that vile tasting liquid with my tongue even as the gag prevents me. It's harder since the damn drug made my tongue stiff too. Drugged or not, the repulsive liquid was potent enough to make my numbed body react strongly against it.

What the hell did Shiki-san give me? This thing is really gross, as I can still taste the nasty plastic-like substance linger and drip down my chin. I  _feel_  gross and sticky too.

I feel a nervous hand tug at my blindfold. Opening my eyes, I'm faced with Shizu-chan.

He looks… quite shocked to see me.

He hurriedly pulls out the gag. I frown when I notice the blood in the gag.

Then I look down to see blood everywhere.

What the…?

I quickly search to see if I feel any pain in my body.

It could be the numbness of the drug but I don't think so. I really don't feel any pain.

Shit.

This is bad.

Shiki fooled both of us.

I'm quite certain I'm not shot. I'm pretty certain that the pill I bit and drank wasn't some sort of medication. It was probably fake blood capsules.

I'm pretty sure that's fake blood that's splashed on me like some paint.

I know for sure, that Shizu-chan is completely fooled and he doesn't realize that this is all a trick.

What's worse is, I can't tell him any of this!

"Hey, are you ok?" he asks.

I try to move my lips to a smile, to let him know I really am okay. If I can at least smile brightly, he should know that there is something wrong right?

Wrong. The damn drug froze even my facial muscles. I can't smile properly at all.

"Say something!"

Fuck! I'm trying dammit! I am trying hard to speak; trying hard to let him know that I'm also tricked too but nothing but raspy gasps escapes my mouth.

Shit, this is seriously bad.

Because if he finds out that I'm not hurt and I've made a fool of him, he'll be very angry.

To make the matter worse, if he also finds out that I can't move and I'm at his mercy…

He'll kill me.

He'll definitely kill me.

Without a doubt he'll murder me.

Shiki-san… I don't know what you were thinking, leaving me helpless in the hands of a beast who hates my guts. Your plan  _sucks!_

"Hang on!" he says as he unties my ropes. I still lay motionless because I can't  _move!_

He picks me up gently. He still hasn't noticed that I'm not  _hurt._

This is really, really bad.

I try to move my mouth again, trying harder to speak up. Shiki said it should only last few hours… perhaps if I try to move around a bit, the drug would wear off faster.

Still no sound.

He holds me close to him, protectively. I might enjoy these moments more if I'm not so desperately scared to be killed once he thinks that I've tricked him into thinking I'm dying.

With all my strength, I lift my arm and grasps onto his vest. My fingers don't curl properly but I yank hard.

He's too busy running to notice me.

Looking up at his desperate face is weird… he's so scared to see me dying. It's almost endearing but…

… but all the more why I must tell him that I'm  _not_ dying or else I really  _will_  be killed!

Taking a deep breath I force my face and tongue to  _move!_

"Sh…!"

Good I managed to say something. His head snaps back down at me. With difficulty, I force out more words.

"Sh.. sh.. shizu.. ch-"

Shizu-chan! Listen to me. Just this once!

But my tongue won't let me talk to him.

For once in my life, I'm desperately trying to tell him the truth. No more lies. No more masks that hides the truth. But the damn drug strips me away the ability to actually communicate with him properly.

His face contorts and I almost think that he might burst into tears. I'm a bit surprised to see him so… emotional.

"Hold on," he says, his voice filled with desperation. He really wants me to live…

I sigh and give up, my body limp in his arms as he rushes me to Shinra's. Closing my eyes, I prepare for my  _real_ death when Shizu-chan finds out that I've ' _tricked'_  him.

"IZAYA."

I blink my eyes open when he suddenly shouts at me. His face full of fear sighs in relief when I stare up at him.

This is such an ironic situation, it's almost comedic. He's so afraid of me dying. And I'm also filled with dread of dying, but our reasons are totally different.

"I'm sorry," he adds.

Huh? For what? Technically, he would be demanding an apology from me if he truly knew the situation.

"I'm sorry. What I said, how I acted... I didn't want to be such a jerk to you, but..."

It's rare to hear Shizu-chan apology so I'm curious. He's always been a jerk so I'm not quite sure which time he's apologizing for.

He continues.

"I was jealous, damn it! I hear how you have so many lovers…"

Wait. What? He was jealous? … well I guess that makes sense that he was…

"… and then I see those marks on you and it's not fucking fair, Izaya! It's not fair that I'm the only one in love, you greedy little shit. You take everything..."

Wait.

Wait!

WAAAIT!  
 __  
WHAT?  
  
Go back! Say that again! Did I hear him right? Did he just say…

"Yeah, I just told you I love you. So you better be able to laugh at me for it later, you hear me?" he looks down at me with a pained smile.

I look back up at him in disbelief. This time, I'm sure I heard it correctly.

He definitely said he loves me.

He loves me.

Haha…

If my face wasn't so numbed, I'd probably be either biting my lower lips or laugh hysterically. Or both, somehow.

Instead I can feel tears welling up as vision blurs.

My heart swells yet throbs painfully.

Shizu-chan… you're probably just caught up in the moment and confessed only because you think I'm dying.

If you realize that this was just all a prank, I wonder what you'll do.

Is this all a wasted feeling? Would you regret confessing to me?

I bet you'll be very angry that I tricked you.

No matter what I say, I don't think you'd believe me. You've never believed me before… I doubt you'll believe me later if I try to explain to you what had really happened.

That is… if I can even speak. With the power of speech stripped from me, all that's left for me is waiting for my inevitable death.

If you think I'm being melodramatic, then you've clearly never been face to face with Shizu-chan at his berserk mode.

But what hurts more is not that Shizu-chan will beat the living shit out of me while I'm immobile from the drug.

What hurts the most is…

…is…

.. is that I'm afraid of Shizu-chan taking back his confession. Or him disappearing from me again, disappointed in my 'lies'.

I don't think I can withstand a second heartbreak.

Okay, I admit it. I am suffering from a heartbreak.

"H-hey! Does it hurt that bad? We're almost there," I can hear Shizu-chan's worried voice as I bury my face in his bosom.

I don't think I can take this anymore… the more he's worried about me, the more I'm scared to face the truth when he sees that I'm not hurt at all.

He kicks Shinra's door open and my heart sinks further into dread.

"SHINRA. 'the hell are you!"

Please let him  _not_  be here so maybe I can stall time and perhaps get some feelings back in my tongue and-

Never mind. There he is, staring at us dumbfounded as he pours tea on the kitchen counter instead of his mug.

"Help him!" Shizu-chan demands. I feel mortified.

Shizu-chan quickly follows Shinra as he lays me on the bed gently. I feel like a fillet of fish to be sliced into sashimi. All sorts of terrible cliché puns and gags are running through my brain.

After a quick talk, Shizu-chan leaves, closing the door behind him.

The gleam of the scalpel catches my eyes.

Seeing Shinra briskly get ready to rip my shirt, I raise my hand and grab his wrist that's holding the scalpel. He stares down at me a bit surprised, and I'm quite surprised I can move my arm a bit.

So the drug is wearing off! Good!

"S… Shin…ra…" I manage to say. Okay, so my tongue has loosened up.

"Not hurt," I give him a strained smile.

He studies me and says, "Well now Izaya. Your looks caught me off guard but now that I'm looking at you carefully, you don't smell of blood. This is fake isn't it?"

He frowns deeper, "You know, if you were planning to play jokes with Shizuo, that's fine by me but leave me out of this. You almost gave me a-"

"Sh… Shinra… no joke. Someone else… drugged me."

Shinra pulls up my shirt to confirm that I am indeed not hurt. He sighs as he takes a towel and starts wiping off the 'blood'.

"Here," he says as he gives me a cup of water. I rinse and spit out the nasty red from my mouth. I'm sure it is edible but it's still taste disgusting.

"Alright, so you're telling me you were both tricked by someone? I can tell your body movement is considerably restricted… I take it the drug was administered to your nervous system? What drug was it. Do you know if it's permanent or temporarily? Should I try to find an antidote? More importantly, what am I going to tell Shizuo out there that you're-"

"Shinra…" I give him tired scowl. This man really talks way too much. And this is coming from _me_.

"Okay, let me slow down. First, how should we take care of the time bomb outside?" Shinra looks at me really worried, now that he knows I'm okay.

I can't help but smirk inwardly. We're both now in a mess as we're worried for our dear lives.

"Explain… someone else… tricked him. Tell him to… calm down first," the more I talk, more my tongue loosens up. This is a good sign. I hope I'll be able to recover faster.

"… okay, but I have a feeling we're both not going to escape from this unharmed…"

"I'm counting… on you," I smile though not too happily. I can feel butterflies in my stomach as he walks away with nervousness written all over his face.

There is nothing I can do but to wait. Again the waiting. But the waiting is almost over.

There is nothing I can do but to trust. Trusting Shinra. And trusting Shizu-chan, that he'll somehow believe him.

That somehow he'll believe me. Just this once.

I don't have much confidence in this at all. I can't ever think of a time he's ever trusted me. Not even once.

With 0% stat as my record, I feel truly in despair.

The only hope I have is that one smile and his words that he loves me.

… I wonder how strong his 'love' is, if it's enough to forgive me.

I can hear Shinra rambling before Shizu-chan bursts through the doors.

I force myself to smile.

I'm nervous as  _hell_  but…

Okay… my belly flops even worse when I see him scowling at me. He is definitely not happy. He's staring at my stomach area covered by my shirt soaked in fake blood.

He marches forward with determination.

I cringe a bit as I scoot back, though my body won't  _listen to me!_

He harshly lifts up my shirt.

Now my  _lies_  are exposed, except they are not my lies. They aren't even  _my_ deception.

He looks up at me in disbelief, accusing me.

I bite my lower lips. I've never been so scared in my life.

What do I say to him? How can I plead to him? Why am I such a  _fucking coward?_

After a moment of staring, Shizuo grips at my shirt, stretching it and asks "... care to explain?" in a tight voice.

My heartbeat pounds in my ears as blood rushes throughout my body.

Wrong move and I'm dead.

Wrong move and… I lose him forever.

"I… I…"

I'm lost for words. What do I even say?

"Shizuo! Izaya's been drugged right now. He can't talk much! Please don't hurt him!" Shinra interrupts, quickly grabbing Shizu-chan's wrist that's holding onto my shirt.

"For the love of- I heard you the first time!" and he yanks his hand away from Shinra, letting go of my shirt. "I won't hurt him! But someone better give me a fucking explanation, and quick!"

He snaps his attention back at me. His eyes bore into mine, demanding an explanation.

My heart stops beating.

I have to make a choice.

Either I take a leap of faith and trust in him and possibly get hurt again.

Or I take up my mask and shield myself once more from the inevitable harm that'll rip me apart and probably scar me forever.

I've always chosen my masks previously.

Always.

Closing my eyes, I can feel tears stinging my cheeks again.

Damn, I bet they're laughing at me right now.

Orihara Izaya. Crying.

I feel like a pathetic fool.

"I… Shiki… san… drugged…"

I can't even think what I should say. I've already said this, in fact Shinra has already said this. What more can I add?

How can I gain his trust?

"I… didn't… didn't do…"

… I didn't do anything. I'm innocent here!

No, I've never been truly innocent. I suppose I should have realized Shiki-san was in love with me. How the hell did I not realize? It is partially my fault that we're in this misunderstanding.

No, it is my fault. It's my fault that I didn't tell him properly the first time.

"The marks… they aren't… from…"

At this point, I can't talk anymore not because of the drugs.

But because I'm sobbing uncontrollably.

I don't want to lose him.

I don't want to lose  _him!_

I'm more scared to lose him than him being angry at me. I'd rather take the violent anger than seeing his disappointed face as he walks away.

"H-hey…" I hear him as he hugs me softly. His arms feel hesitant and unsure.

"Damn it, alright, you don't have to explain right now, just stop crying."

I cry harder, sobbing into his shoulder pathetically. I feel even more pathetic. But I can't seem to stop.

I'm too relieved that he didn't leave me.

The built up tension and stress that I held in for hours pours out of my body in forms of tears as I soak his shoulders.

I'm not quite sure how long I cried but after awhile I calm down as I lay my head against him, feeling his fingers delicately weave through my hair.

I sigh.

Because now, I'm embarrassed.

I peek up to notice that we're alone. Shinra must have left the room when I was in the middle of crying like a girl.

Now the humiliation is doubled to know that Shinra's seen me cry as well.

"Are… you okay?" he asks awkwardly. Hell, I feel awkward as well.

I nod slowly, my face still buried on his shoulder. I'm sure my face is burning red and I don't want to face him.

Shizuo sighs softly and asks "... so what's this about a drug? Is it why you couldn't move or talk?"

I nod again. Now that I've calmed down, maybe I should try to explain a bit better.

I want to hide my embarrassment but… I've decide not to wear any more masks. Not this time.

I can't afford to lose him again.

"The… drug… Shiki-san said… can't move or talk… for few hours…" I try a bit harder. It hurts my throat as I force out those words. I cringe at the sound of my raspy voice.

"Shiki-san," I hear Shizuo mutter. He lets go of me.

He gets off the bed and…

He starts to leave!

No… no way!

Wait! Why? Is telling the truth the wrong move? Why is he leaving me?

"Wait!" I shout desperately and grab the sleeves of his shirt before he gets off the bed completely and out of reach.

He looks back at me surprised.

My hold on him tightens.

Because I remember… I remember how it feels to wake up alone in the morning after he left that day. My heart still aches just thinking about it.

I don't think I can take it if he left me a second time.

"S… stay," I stutter the word I've been too scare to utter before. I know this is taking a big chance but I have to try.

I've thrown away my ego and pride. All I want is for him to stay.

To stay with me.

Even if I'm a wretched, cowardly, pitiful excuse of a human who clings, cries, lies, schemes, snarks, sneers, hides, and does everything I can to make his life miserable… and even if I'm the biggest hypocrite in the world… I…

I…

He stares at me with his mouth slightly parted, not saying anything. He covers his mouth with his hand though his eyes seem to be… dancing with smiles.

I look at him puzzled. I just poured my heart out with that one word of confession dammit! Don't laugh at-

When he removes his hand, he reveals a smile.

A dazzling one… one I've never seen before. It's enough to take my breath away.

"I was just going to get you some water..." he continues to chuckle lightly.

Oh.

Well I'll be damned.

I let go and look away. I'm pretty sure my face is burning red.

I feel his lips on my forehead and I look up at him, a bit surprised. This man never ceases to be unpredictable.

"I'll be right back," his words and his kiss reassures me as I watch him leave.

With a deep sigh I lie back down on the bed, covering my flaming red face with my arms.

Now I really did want to die. I'm more than humiliated and mortified.

This is degrading! I can't  _believe_  I've just…

Ugh….!

Orihara Izaya, you really suck at reading people. Shizu-chan may be a monster but still!

I think I really need to re-read my books and go back to studying and observing more humans. I know emotional attachments can obscure judgment but this is just…!

I hear the door open. Hoping that the pinkness in my face has subsided by now, I lower my arms, still not facing him.

He taps and offers the glass of water. "Here," he says as he sits back on the edge of the bed.

I take a large gulp. The cool water is refreshing but the nasty taste of the fake blood is mixed with it.

I cough it back out into the glass. I cringe at the disgusting taste that still loiters in my mouth. I can see him cringing at the sight as well as the water in the glass is now pinkish.

"Are you going to stay here tonight or do you want to go home?"

I think about it. My body can't move but it will be even more uncomfortable if I stay here.

"…home," I decide after much thought.

"Well then let's see how well you can move." Shizuo stands back up and offers his hand to me.

… it's kind of embarrassing to take his hand… it's not like I'm some princess or a damsel in …

Ah forget it.

I take his hand and slowly pull myself off the bed.

My legs immediately give in and I crumble to the floor.

… I'm so beyond being mortified with all sorts of humiliation accumulating from left and right, I don't even feel the heat in my cheeks anymore.

He kneels down next to me like I'm some child to meet eye level. "Shinra told me you probably wouldn't have too much feeling yet. Are you alright? I really wasn't expecting you to just flop down like that." Shizu-chan's eyes are bemused, obviously laughing at my pitiful state.

"I'm fine!" I growl back.

"Really?" he says looking even more amused. Then he adds "Then what are you waiting for? Go on home."

I stare at him with my mouth open.

Okay, forget  _everything_  that happened today and forget  _everything_  I've said today. I am  _not_  in love with this man! No way!

Biting my lower lips, I puff up my chest.

"Well it's none of your business. I think I'll stay here after all. The floor's not so  _bad_  all things considered!"

… wait, hey. I was able to say everything just now without stuttering! My mouth still feels numb but…

At least that means my tongue's back so I can put it to good use.

Shizu-chan snorts. "It  _is_  my business, and I'm not leaving you on the floor. But I don't think you'll find the idea of me carrying you like a princess again very appealing"

"Who says I'm even allowing you to carry me back in such a humiliating manner?" I fight back my urge to snarl as my lips scrunch up again.

He sighs, sitting on the floor and leaning against the bed, "Well, if you're not coming with me, I guess I'll be on the floor all night too. Unless you changed your mind?"

… huh? He'll… stay with me on the floor all night?

…

Oh wait, I told him to stay didn't I…

Another wave of flush washes over my face.

I give up. I dub today as the most humiliating and shameful day of my life.

"I… I'll come with you," I manage to mumble, looking down at my feet.

Damn, I really don't want to be carried like that again though.

He shifts over as he helps me up stand and grins. "Think you could get on my back instead?"

I blink at his proposal.

Well both are humiliating… I guess getting on his back is the lesser humiliation.

Leaning back against the bed to support myself, I nod. I don't have the courage to voice my approval of this shameful decision I'm making.

I slide my body on top of his back. Though I don't have a good grip on him it's not necessary as he holds me firmly.

Burying my face on his shoulders, I hear Shinra greet us almost cheerfully. I bet he's laughing at my pathetic state. I'm  _so_  going to make him miserable the next time I see him for laughing at me. But for now, I'm glad this is over with and I can go home.

With Shizu-chan.

After a quick nod in acknowledgment and goodbye, we head out.

He walks in silence as the sun starts to set. I stay silent too as I ride on his back.

I think I should be worried about our relationship or what's going to happen next but my mind is blank. I'm probably just too tired. Instead of thinking, I feel.

Feelings slowly return to my body as my arms wrap around him. Laying my head on his shoulder I try to hear his heartbeat.

I half wonder if I can lean my head against his neck when he speaks up and breaks the silence.

"... can you tell me what happened now?"

Ah… that's right. Shizu-chan still doesn't know the whole story.

Where do I even begin?

He… isn't going to suddenly drop me and leave right?

I'm still worried that he'll leave me despite everything that's happened so far. There isn't much I have to offer. Shizu-chan doesn't care about mundane things. Shizu-chan doesn't need money. He doesn't need dirts on other people. He's also hellava good looking guy so if he really wanted to, he can probably go find a hot chick now that he's learned to control his power in bed a bit.

… only thing I have to offer is just lust.

At one point in my life, that was my hook to bait him.

Now it's a double edged sword turned against me.

Ah, oops. I've been silent for too long. I can tell he's a bit agitated.

How do I even begin?

"What do you want to know?"

"Who this Shiki-san guy is would be a good start," he replies.

Hmm… Shiki-san. Shizu-chan doesn't know him at all huh. Granted he's the one tricked both of us and pretended to shoot me and give him a phone call in the middle of the night… I guess Shizu-chan would be curious.

"He's an Awakusu-kai executive. He rose to power at a fairly young age due to his capabilities in management as well as his charismatic leadership. His salary ranges from-"

Shizu-chan cuts me off sharply. "I don't want to hear his life story! What's his relationship with  _you_?"

I pause in surprise. Oh, right. Shizu-chan really won't care about that sort of thing.

"You don't even want to know his weakness? For a stern guy, he idolizes Ruri-chan you know," I smirk. I find it kinda cute that Shizu-chan only wanted to know my relationship with him.

"Ok then, let's go at this a different angle." Looks like I hit a nerve, Shizu-chan's voice sounds forced and quite agitated, "Why did he threaten me to stay away from you?"

"Oh… that…"

Oh great, how do I explain that one.

Well I am an informant to the core. I won't change the truth even if I might hide a few parts of it. This time though, I don't plan to cover up anything.

This is difficult.

"I'm not quite sure what he told you Shizu-chan so I can't answer properly but…"

I can actually imagine veins popping out due to his impatience. Haha… oh man…

"… but he did tell me he called you because at first he wanted to steal me away from you for not being able to protect me that night."

Showing my weak side bare open like this really, really hurts. He hasn't even hurt me yet but I can feel the dread as my heart beats faster.

Trying to cover up my embarrassment, I quickly add, "He and I aren't in any relationship but business."

… I'm still not sure if I should tell him that he confessed to me though.

"Then why-?" Shizu-chan cuts off and takes a deep breath, shaking his head a bit, "... protect you?"

Too bad I can't see his face. I wonder if he's frowning or angry. Or just confused.

And again I wonder to myself, how much I can tell him… or should tell him.

At least he isn't pressing me about why he called him that night. Maybe he'll forget it if I divert his attention with a different subject.

But this is another subject I've wanted to avoid answering.

I sigh again.

"After you and I… had a fight… the next night I…"

This really is  _difficult!_

"I…"

What the heck do I say? I almost got raped? I failed picking up a guy? I tried to make you angry? All of the above?

"Well, you accused me of cheating. Not… that we're in any relationship to begin with so it's not even cheating haa…"

I'm rambling now. I stumble on my own words as I try to make sense of all this.

"So that night I went to a bar to pick up some guys. I wanted to…"

It really hurts to admit these things to yourself. Not to mention to Shizu-chan of all people.

"I wanted to hurt you… by sleeping with other people since… you've accused that of me anyway. It didn't work as planned though."

Shizu-chan's pace slows, while my heart rate beats faster. Is he… angry that I confessed that I wanted to hurt him?

Did I say too much?

"... what happened?" he finally asks.

Huh? Why did I want to hurt him? Didn't I answer him already?

Oh wait… he means why my plans fell through… I think.

… I really don't want to tell him but… at this point I think my ego's been crushed beyond repair.

"… well… instead of getting laid… I almost got raped."

I guess that's blunt enough.

Shizu-chan stops abruptly, my body lunges forward with him.

… maybe that was too blunt.

"What! Almost..." turning his head to look at me for the first time since I've been on his back. He looks startled for a brief moment until a realization dawns on him and his eyes widen, "Wait, those marks on your chest...?"

I kind of wish I could cower away from his gaze.

"The… plan… was too good, it backfired." I mumble and look away. His piercing stare only makes me feel even more exposed with all my failures and blemishes laid out in front.

"Are you done with questions now?" I'm trying to end this interrogation.

"The fuck I am!" He starts walking again, practically stomping.

Ah, I knew it. He is angry at me… maybe I shouldn't have told him the tr-

"Do you know this bastard's name? Face? Because I'd love to pay him a little visit and..."

Ah?

Huh?

Wait, he's not angry at me?

He continues to mutter and I can feel Shizu-chan sag beneath me.

"Shizu-chan? Are you-"

"Sorry," he says, surprising me even more.

He pauses before continuing, "I just assumed..." another pause, then he lets out a long sigh, "Sorry."

I'm… kind of confused again.

He's not angry at me.

You have no idea how relieved I am though I'm still a bit apprehensive. I mean, even if I failed, I did try to… do it… with other men…

To hurt him.

I'm so conditioned to having him get angry at me, I'm confused when he's not.

"How... far did he get with you?" he asks in a low mutter. I almost don't hear him.

"How far? As in… him touching me?"

"Yes," his voice sounds testy.

I fidget a bit. This is definitely going towards the dangerous zone.

"Well… he kissed… me…" I think I feel him wince.

"…then he grinded against me…" being reminded of that sickens me.

"Oh, and some other guy grabbed my crotch… inside my boxers…" my voice become smaller and smaller. This is really embarrassing.

"Then after drugging me he… took me to some alley and…" I sigh. I don't like remembering this part.

"…started taking off my clothes, left some dirty marks on me, started fingering me, shoved his dick inside my mouth and-"

"ENOUGH." I stop startled at the sudden yell. His arms and hands grip down on my legs, the tightening growing uncomfortable. I'm uneasy as he growls, "Did you get a fucking name?"

"Ah… no. I didn't care to ask." I smirk a bit. "Are you planning to avenge me?"

"I'll tear him limb from limb if I ever find out who the sick scum is," Shizu-chan growls. It's kind of endearing.

"Well no need really. Akabayashi-san found me, and before you ask, he's the other executive of Awakusu-kai by the way, and he and Shiki-san took care of the scum just the way I wanted. It was kind of nice." I purr at the thought.

"... so that guy helped you?" Shizu-chan asks, shaking his head, "He doesn't seem like 'just a business partner' to me, Izaya. Especially not if he wanted to, quote, 'steal you away' from me."

"Ah… that…" I look away with a strained smile which he can't see of course.

"Well, he has his own reasons…" I trail off.

"Don't give me that," Shizu-chan replies, glancing back at me again. He looks pissed.  
"You obviously know something that I don't, and it's pissing me off. How does that guy even know about…." He falters as he turns to face forward, "…us?"

… good question. I really don't want to answer him.

"He helped because… "

But I have to answer him properly.

I sigh.

"… because he said he's in love with me."

There. I said it. I lean my head against his back, suddenly feeling very tired.

"He first wanted to steal me away since you suck at protecting me, though I can't really blame you. You didn't know what I was doing that night… then he decided to play one devil of a cupid and pulled this stunt to get us back together because he…"

I can say this right?

I can say this now… and it wouldn't backfire on me right?

"… because he said he was sick of seeing me heartbroken."

There's silence and I feel more apprehensive. I am sort of hoping for some reciprocation here… considering he did confess before.

He didn't take it back yet right?

After a long aggravating pause, I hear Shizu-chan ask cautiously, "H... heartbroken?" His voice nearly cracks somewhere in the middle.

I hide a giggle. No more masks, but I think for my own survival, I shouldn't laugh at him right now.

Instead my heart swells up fully, happy and appreciated in knowing that my small confession has made a small dent in his heart.

"Yes Shizu-chan, don't make me say it twice now," I say playfully. I lean forward and teasingly nibble on his ear tip because I know it's his most sensitive spot. I give him my breathy whisper,

"I love you Shizu-chan."

He pauses abruptly. At first I think it's because he's about to say or do something. However, looking up I realize we're in front of the entrance to my building.

Without speaking, he lowers me back on to the ground. I tentatively balance my footing. It's weak.

Before I could frown at my frailness, Shizu-chan fully turns around to face me, his hands holding my shoulders as our eyes lock into a deep stare.

"One more question?" as he stares at me intently. His hands shake a bit as he holds me up.

"I know I haven't been very trusting of you, but however you answer this next question, I swear I'll believe it. Were you telling me the truth when you said I'm your only one?"

His eyes search me as I stare deeply back at those warm chocolate colored eyes.

His face tells me that he too has his pride on the line for this one moment.

Here and right now, I can crush him so easily.

Easier than stepping on an ant.

Ever since I've met him, I've been working towards that goal. If I can't use him, I'll kill him.

And now that the opportunity is given to me, I don't hesitate.

All those years of hatred.

I let it go.

"Yes," I breathe lightly and smile. "You are the only one."


	11. The Truth

  
**-**

**Shizuo's POV**

He's biting his lip, looking conflicted. Anger swells in my chest, mixing with the rigid confusion and resounding relief that had already gathered.

He knows something. Something that I clearly do  _not_.

"Care to explain?" I ask through clenched teeth, tightening my hold on his shirt. He better have a good explanation! I did not just save his ass, run him here from Shinjuku, lay my feelings out in the open and try desperately to stop my heart from shattering into pieces -because damn it he might have been  _dying_ \- just to find out it was a fucking  _prank_!

As much as I love him, Lord help him if he was part of this...

"I..." I watch him carefully as he fumbles with what to say, "I..."

"Shizuo!" Shinra suddenly exclaims from behind me. My frown tightens at the interruption, "Izaya's been drugged right now. He can't talk much! Please don't hurt him!"

I quickly yank the wrist he grabbed away.

"For the love of- I heard you the first time!" I yell, almost wanting to ring the doctor's neck. Seeing them both so panicky was just worsening my mood. Was I the only one not in on.. well, whatever the hell this was! "I won't hurt him!" I continue, though that could possibly turn into a false statement if I don't like what I hear, "But someone better give me a fucking explanation, and quick!"

I focus my attention on Izaya again, waiting impatiently for him to say something. He's staring back at me in panic, his mouth open like he wants to say something. But then his breathing starts hitching and he closes his eyes.

I'm thoroughly stunned to see tears start flowing out of his closed eyelids. This is the third time I've seen him cry, and I am just as sure as I was the first time that tears did not belong on that face.

"I… Shiki… san… drugged…"

He's trying to talk. Though my ears cling on to every word in a desperate attempt to make some sort of sense of what's happening, my heart is being stung by every word he sobs.

"I… didn't… didn't do…"

I can literally feel my anger melting away. Izaya couldn't have been a conscious part of this scenario, because as good as he was at games, he still stayed true to his pride. There is no way he would break down like this for a prank.

"The marks… they aren't… from…"

I can't handle this. It's not helping me understand anything and I hate,  _hate_  seeing him cry.

"H-hey," I try, swallowing to clear my throat. I walk closer and sit on the edge of the bed, tentatively wrapping him in an embrace that I hope is somewhat comforting, "Damn it, alright, you don't have to explain right now, just stop crying."

 _Please_  stop crying. It makes me uncomfortable and it hurts.

I close my eyes when the sobs just get louder, and I can feel the warm tears soaking the fabric over my shoulder.

I have no idea what I should do. Should I say something? But say  _what_? He probably couldn't even answer me in his current state.

Reminding myself of the other party in the room, I turn my head toward Shinra, whose mouth is hanging wide open in shock. I stare, trying to mentally tell him to get out of here. His jaw snaps shut, and with a growing smile on his face, he gives me a little wave and tiptoes out the door.

I settle on just holding Izaya, running my fingers through his raven locks soothingly. I try to block out the millions of questions running through my mind, because they do nothing but agitate me. But I can't help it. My mind is in overdrive. The questions are running along my lips, attempting to jump out, but I'm afraid I'll upset Izaya even more.

I'm extremely relieved when his crying gradually starts to stop. He never once pulls away from me.

"Are... you okay?" I ask when his sobs are near non-existent.

It's such an awkward atmosphere. I want him to somehow break it... say some witty remark like he loves to do, just so I can fall back in a sense of normalcy. Unfortunately, all he does is nod into my shoulder.

Well there goes that plan.

I sigh, feeling the need to say something,  _anything_ , "... so what's this about a drug? Is it why you couldn't move or talk?"

It seems like a safe enough question, and also one that might give me a little insight. He nods again, and I almost think he's going to stay silent _again_  before he speaks up.

"The… drug… Shiki-san said… can't move or talk… for few hours…"

His voice is still raspy, and it sounds like he's really stressing his throat to talk. But that name... Shiki-san... rings out loud and clear. It's the second time he's mentioned that name, and putting two and two together, I would bet my life on 'Shiki-san' being the man in white that 'shot' Izaya.

I hate him.

I hate him, because if my theory is correct, he has touched Izaya, kissed Izaya, loved Izaya; everything I wanted all for myself.

And he somehow knew of my selfish wish, and threatened to act on it.

Damn it, Izaya, who is this man to you? Did you just sit back and let him drug you? The thought of Izaya putting that much trust in another man stings. But I don't want to ask. My emotions will get the best of me and I'll end up stomping out of here before I know the whole story.

"Shiki-san," I mumble darkly, testing the name on my tongue. It's foul.

Regardless, I will hold up to my inner promise. I won't ask yet.

Instead, I'll just go get a glass of water for Izaya. It sounds like his throat could use some, and the quicker he is able to talk correctly, the quicker I will get my answers.

Unwrapping my arms from around him, I shift to stand.

I'm just about to voice my intention, but am startled when he yells, "Wait!"

I turn back to him when I feel his hand grab hold of my sleeve. He looks... scared?

"S… stay," he speaks wistfully, grip tightening and eyes shifting uneasily, though they never leave my face.

After my heart jumps, I'm at a loss for words.

Stay?

_Stay?_

My heart is beating so loud I'm sure he can hear it. It's funny how one little word can mean so much when said from the right person.

Of course, it's just an assumption. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up but... when he's clinging to me so tightly and looking so damn scared... scared of what, Izaya?

Do you just not want to be alone after what happened? Or...

Or do you not want  _me_  to leave?Because that...

That...

It's impossible to be able to stop the smile from springing on my face, so I quickly cover my mouth with my hand to hold in the warm chuckle that wants to escape. When I'm positive I'm not going to laugh, I take my hand away.

"I was just going to get you some water..." I voice, and utterly cannot help the small chuckle that follows afterword.

He looks like I just slapped him. Then he promptly lets go of my sleeve and pointedly turns away from me. The bright redness on his ears gives away his embarrassment.

Unbidden, the hope I have multiplies.

There is still so much I don't know. But here in the now, Izaya wants me here. He hasn't even laughed at me for my confession, and I damn well know he remembers it.

Of course I'll stay. I'll stay as long as he wants me to.

With a deep breath, I step forward and lean around him, my lips brushing his forehead affectionately. When I pull away, he turns to me in surprise, a red hue dusted across his face.

"I'll be right back," I promise. I'm almost afraid this smile is going to become permanent on my lips. The feeling of true hope, something I've never been able to experience with Izaya, is making me giddy, and I don't even care if I sound like a girl.

Walking out, I find Shinra busily cleaning up his mess of tea on the counter-top. He looks up at my entrance, a tentative smile crossing his lips.

"I hope I don't have to use my scalpel or stitch someone up today. How is Izaya?" Shinra asked, washing the soaked rag out in the sink.

"His throat is sore. I need a glass of water," I explain.

"Ah, I see," Shinra begins, turning to open one of the upper cabinets, "Here's a glass. There's water in the fridge."

Nodding, I take the cup and go about filling it with water. I can feel Shinra's eyes on me the entire time, and finally sigh, throwing the jug of water back into the fridge before turning to him.

"What?"

"Haha, just go easy on him. He probably won't be able to move or talk properly for another hour or two," Shinra advised. It was very difficult to stop myself from rolling my eyes. What was with this whole notion that I was going to hurt Izaya?

… well, it would have made perfect sense just a couple months ago, I guess.

"I already told you, I'm not going to hurt him. In fact, I'm staying here until he wants me to go," I reply, grinning despite myself. Damn, I wish Izaya would have been here to hear that. I just know he would have blushed in embarrassment again.

I see Shinra raise an questioning eyebrow at me, but I grab the cup of water, intent on making my way back to Izaya.

"I wonder if Izaya would be comfortable staying here?" Shinra inquired. I stop and turn back around, "Maybe you should take him home?"

I blink, regarding his statement carefully. I guess I wouldn't mind taking him home if he wanted but... somehow I figured Izaya would turn down such a thing. His ego would probably be torn apart if he admitted to needing help.

"... since you seem to suddenly get along so well," Shinra continued with a cognizant smirk.

I could feel my skin burn at the memory of Shinra's smile when he left the room earlier.

"I'll ask," I mutter, avoiding eye contact with him as I swiftly turn and continue my venture.

Izaya doesn't turn toward me even as I enter the room.

"Here," I say, tapping the glass as I sit myself back on the bed. He gives me a quick glance, his cheeks still dusted pink, and focuses on the glass as he takes it from my hands and takes a large gulp. His eyebrows knot together and with a grimace, he spits it back out.

I cringe upon seeing a blob of pink slowly travel through the once-clear water. Well that was a wasted trip. How the heck did he have that stuff in his mouth, anyway?

"Are you going to stay here tonight or do you want to go home?" I ask instead. He considers it, staring ahead at nothing while his fingers absentmindedly follow the curve of the glass.

"…home," he decides.

I thought so.

"Well then," I start, standing up. The movement makes him look up at me, "Lets see how well you can move."

I offer my hand. Shinra said he probably wouldn't be able to move to talk properly for a while, but it couldn't be too bad, right? He was already able to talk pretty clearly.

Something akin to a pout, but not quite, is on his face as he stares at my hand. It's cute. I'm a tad bit afraid he'll reject my offer completely, but then he reaches for my hand and slides his fingers into my palm.

I  _really_  was not expecting him to just  _fall_ like a sack of potatoes. It happened so quickly I didn't even have the chance to get a better hold of his hand.

I stare dumbly as he flails on the ground, bringing himself to his knees. His ears are red again, and my chest rumbles as chuckles flow out of my mouth. Kneeling down, I rest my elbows on my legs.

"Shinra told me you probably wouldn't have too much feeling yet. Are you alright?" I ask, concerned, even as I smile, "I really wasn't expecting you to just flop down like that."

"I'm fine!" He snaps, gripping at the ground. Swinging his head to look my way, I find myself under quite an impressive glare.

Unfortunately for him, it just makes me even more amused. Not so in control now, are you, Izaya? Good. Maybe this can be a lesson for you.

"Really?" I reply cynically, tilting to rest my cheek on a fist, "Then what are you waiting for? Go on home."

I almost double over in laughter at the absolutely mortified look he sends me. Okay,  _maybe_  I'm being a  _little_  mean. But when will I ever get a chance like this again? Izaya is always the one making me so damn confused and irritated-it was about time I had my turn!

And it's clearly working. He looks like a bird who just got his feathers ruffled.

"Well it's none of your business. I think I'll stay here after all. The floor's not so  _bad_  all things considered!" Is his frosty reply. I'm no expert on reading people, that's more his thing, but I can almost literally feel his body language screaming in defense.

What he says is ridiculous, though. None of my business? Izaya, you  _made_  me your business with your own two compelling hands. It's a contract I'll probably never be able to get out of.

A blessing and a curse wrapped up in one.

"It  _is_  my business, and I'm not leaving you on the floor," I insist, righting my head again, "But I don't think you'll find the idea of me carrying you like a princess again very appealing."

Though I'm perfectly fine with it. If we take out the 'I'm about to die' factor, I don't mind him trustingly cuddled up in my arms. At all.

"Who says I'm even allowing you to carry me back in such a humiliating manner?"

Hm, maaaaybe the person who wants to go home but can't function on his own? Namely, you?

Fighting back the urge to laugh again, from fear he may get stuck that way if he gets any more tense, I manage a sigh instead. Shifting on my feet, I settle on the ground, leaning back against the bed and folding my hands in my lap. It's not really a comfortable position; the floor is hard and a metal bar is digging in my back, but I endure.

"Well, if you're not coming with me, I guess I'll be on the floor all night too. Unless you changed your mind?" I presumed, observing him regardfully. He wasn't used to being helpless, I'm sure that's all it was. My heart was telling me that a couple little jabs at him were not going to destroy whatever had caused him to throw away his egotism and tell me to stay.

I grin when he blushes again, charmingly staring down at his feet.

"I… I'll come with you," he replies in an embarrassed murmur. That happy bubbly feeling from earlier besets my heart again, and I find myself wanting to maybe try to redeem myself just a bit.

I reach out, grasping a hold of his shoulders to help him stand.

"Think you could get on my back instead?" I offer. A piggy-back ride is a lot less embarrassing, in my opinion. Though I figured he would bitch about either.

I'm a bit surprised when he simply nods in response.

Well, being cooperative today, are we?

We maneuver until he is securely wrapped around my back. With elbows bent back and hands holding his legs up, I walk out of the room. His breath is warm and calming against my shoulder, and I am distinctly aware of it even as Shinra bids us farewell with a goofy grin that makes me embarrassed all over again.

The sun is almost completely set by the time we walk outside.

Silence envelopes us, a comfortable one, but my mind is too busy mulling over things to fully appreciate it. And now, not only is it wondering about what the hell happened today, but also... what the hell was  _going_  to happen.

I was not letting Izaya off the hook until he explained everything to me, that was for sure. But... then what? Well, I guess it depended on his answer but... I was really hoping that 'stay' would apply to our relationship as well. With no one  _else_  in it.

"... can you tell me what happened now?" I break the silence timorously.

"...what do you want to know?" He asks, and I set my jaw. I want to scream that I want to know everything, but I'm sure it would get me nowhere.

"Who this Shiki-san guy is would be a good start," I reply, knowing that there are probably more important questions to start off with, but that name has branded itself uncomfortably in my mind.

"He's an Awakusu-kai executive," Izaya starts. Awa-wha? "He rose to power at a fairly young age due to his capabilities in management as well as his charismatic leadership. His salary ranges from-"

My eye is twitching violently.

"I don't want to hear his life story! What's his relationship with  _you_?" I roar, effectively cutting off his tirade of absolutely useless facts. Shit, this guy is an informant to the bone!

Reevaluating what I said, my heart jumps nervously.

Well that sounded like a jealous boyfriend, didn't it? Either way, my ears were practically straining themselves to catch the answer.

"You don't even want to know his weakness? For a stern guy, he idolizes Ruri-chan you know," Izaya drags on. I bet he's smiling. I know he's smiling. He's purposefully avoiding my question.

It's pissing me off.

"Ok then, let's go at this a different angle," I clip, trying my hardest to stay calm, "Why did he threaten me to stay away from you?"

"Oh... that..."

Yes, Izaya, _that._

He takes his sweet time to answer, and the thought of dropping his ass onto the pavement enters my mind briefly, but it leaves just as fast. Damn this little thing called 'caring'.

"I'm not quite sure what he told you Shizu-chan so I can't answer properly but…"

Alright, so that alone tells me Izaya didn't have anything to do with the phone calls if he didn't know what was said. I already figured as much, but it was still a relief to hear it from his lips.

"… but he did tell me he called you because at first he wanted to steal me away from you for not being able to protect me that night."

Okay, this sentence tells me nothing, because I don't understand it. In fact, it just adds to the pile of confusing variables. What night?

"He and I aren't in any relationship but business," Izaya adds as a second thought, completely contradicting everything I've heard and conjured up about this man thus far. It makes no sense!

"Then why-?" Then why would he want to steal you away from me if it was just business? I sure as hell had nothing to do with this informant's job!

But I didn't complete my thought out loud. I was annoyed that this conversation could possibly circle back around to where it started. I needed to focus on why this whole scenario came to be, not the relationship between Shiki and Izaya.

Still made my blood boil.

"... protect you?" I ask, trying to steer the conversation the right way. There was another brief pause, but this time, I was aware something in the air had changed. Izaya's fingers dug just a little harder into my shoulders.

"After you and I… had a fight… the next night I… I..."

Fight? Damn, which  _one?_ We seem to get into a 'fight' of some sort every other day!

But it throws me off guard, once again, to hear Izaya stumbling with his words. He sounds so unsure of himself. The drug would make a good excuse, but I know he can talk better than this by now.

"Well, you accused me of cheating."

Oh. That fight.

I cringe at the mere thought of that day. That day was hell. I still distinctly remember the sound of the door slamming behind a highly irate Izaya.

"Not… that we're in any relationship to begin with so it's not even cheating haa…"

Ouch.

My cringe intensifies when it feels like a million little pins prick my chest. Not in a relationship? Really, Izaya? If this is nothing, why do you tell me to stay?

Why would you purposefully get my hopes up and then crush them like that?

Fuck, it was probably me just over-analyzing things. Izaya actually caring about another human be- wait, no, caring about a monster. That's even more laughable.

Ha.

Haha.

"So that night I went to a bar to pick up some guys. I wanted to… I wanted to hurt you… by sleeping with other people..."

I close my eyes.

So you finally admit it to me. I've been wanting you to admit that you've fucked around with others for so long but... it just leaves me hollow.

"...since… you've accused that of me anyway."

I reopen my eyes and furrow my brow at the tone in his voice. It almost sounded like he resented the idea of me accusing him of sleeping around, and I am again reminded of the fight on that night.

"It didn't work as planned though."

What, so you didn't pick up a guy?

God, I almost hate myself for clinging on to this illusion of hope under everything he says. I just can't seem to give up on this man.

"... what happened?" I manage, proud of myself when my voice stays steady.

"… well… instead of getting laid… I almost got raped," Izaya replies.

Wait.

I stop rather abruptly, whipping my head around to stare at him with wide eyes.

"What? Almost..." I begin, but the words get stuck in my throat.

 _Raped_?

For a moment, I can't even wrap my head around the concept. Then those bruises on his upper chest flash in my mind and I gape.

Those... I saw those right after that fight, didn't I?

"Wait, those marks on your chest...?" I trail off when the look Izaya is giving me silently answers.

"The… plan… was too good, it backfired," he mutters, glancing away from me, looking ashamed.  _I'm_  the one who should be ashamed! I can't believe I...

I yelled at him for those! I accused him of so much and... and... he didn't even correct me. He didn't tell me how utterly  _wrong_  I was and just shouldered the blame for something completely out of his control...!

… almost. Izaya had said almost... so that meant he didn't get raped. Good, because if he had... if he had...!

Who am I kidding, I am going to fucking  _kill_  the man who did this regardless!

"Are you done with questions now?" Izaya asks.

"The fuck I am!" I rumble, murderous steps on the concrete as I continue my way to Izaya's place. Done with questions? Are you fucking  _kidding_ me? You can't tell me something like that and expect me to just let it go! I don't have control over what you want to do, Izaya, but I'll be damned if someone touches you without consent!

"Do you know this bastard's name? Face? Because I'd love to pay him a little visit and..." my rambling is turning into intelligible babble because I'm so furious.

So, so livid at this man...!

So angered at this situation...!

So... so...

Upset with  _myself._

"Sorry," I say gravely, a horrible twist in my stomach. I wish I wasn't cursed with this 'act now, think later' attitude, "I just assumed... sorry."

I feel so incredibly guilty for the immediate accusation, knowing the truth. But the rage for this soon-to-be-dead man still simmers beneath the surface.

"How... far did he get with you?" I inquire in just above a whisper.

Let me hear the truth. I want the truth so badly.

And I want it from  _you_.

"How far? As in… him touching me?" Izaya asks, making me gnaw my teeth together.

"Yes," is my terse reply.

"Well… he kissed… me…"

My eye twitches.

"Then he grinded against me…"

I cringe.

"Oh, and some other guy grabbed my crotch… inside my boxers…"

I sputter.

"Then after drugging me he… took me to some alley..."

I'm seeing red. I'm sure this isn't healthy.

"and… started taking off my clothes, left some dirty marks on me,"

Guilt trip.

"...started fingering me,"

My mouth falls open.

"shoved his dick inside my mouth and-"

"ENOUGH!" I shout desperately. Okay, so maybe I didn't want  _that_ much truth, fuck! If I didn't have to hold Izaya up right now, I would have already thrown a couple vending machines, or anything else handy, all the way to Hong Kong.

'Almost' rape, my ass! Was the only thing missing actual penetration? That still counted as rape, didn't it?

"Did you get a fucking name?" I growl.

"Ah… no. I didn't care to ask," Izaya responds, and I silently curse. This would make him harder to find. But not impossible, "Are you planning to avenge me?"

"I'll tear him limb from limb if I ever find out who the sick scum is!" I declare in all honesty.

"Well no need really," Izaya begins, and I immediately scoff in bewilderment. Why the hell wouldn't he want the guy who raped him, and yes, raped, not  _almost_  raped, God damn it, to be punished? "Akabayashi-san found me, and before you ask, he's the other executive of Awakusu-kai by the way, and he and Shiki-san took care of the scum just the way I wanted. It was kind of nice."

… and here we go back to Shiki again! Was  _everything_  about tonight going to make me rage? Was Shiki-san not only his fuck-buddy, but his knight in fucking shining armor too!

Ok, this is getting ridiculous.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

"... so that guy helped you?" I clip, shaking my head back and forth disbelievingly. I know I determined earlier that I was going to focus on understanding what went down tonight rather than my jealousy over Shiki, but Izaya had to bring him up again. His fault, "He doesn't seem like 'just a business partner' to me, Izaya. Especially not if he wanted to, quote, 'steal you away' from me."

"Ah… that…"

Once again, yes, Izaya,  _that._

"Well, he has his own reasons…" Izaya trails off.

"Don't give me that," I snort, glancing back at him with steely eyes, "You obviously know something that I don't, and it's pissing me off. How does that guy even know about… us."

I face forward when I stumble on the last word. The uncertainty squeezes at my heart again.

"He helped because…" Izaya sighs, and I think he's about to just leave it at that again, but he continues, "… because he said he's in love with me."

… love?

Not just fuck-buddies but...

I feel sick.

"He first wanted to steal me away since you suck at protecting me, though I can't really blame you. You didn't know what I was doing that night…"

Oh, Izaya, if I had, I would have ran right over there and prevented that...

"..then he decided to play one devil of a cupid and pulled this stunt to get us back together.."

Wait, what?

Cupid?  _Us_? What 'us'? Shiki and him? But no, that wouldn't make sense. Tying someone up and pretending to shoot them is the farthest thing from a plan to get back together.

Then... Izaya and I? That 'us'? B- back together? How do you get someone 'back together' when they never  _were_?

Ugh, my head hurts.

If he loved Izaya, why-

"… because he said he was sick of seeing me heartbroken."

His voice is soft, vulnerable.

It takes a couple seconds for those words to register in my mind, and when they do, I swallow—hard. My body continues to walk forward as if on auto-pilot, and I know this because I can't focus on anything but the feel of his body against me, his soft breathing on my neck, and the words he had just muttered.

Words that sent my heart pounding and my blood racing.

"H... heartbroken?" I stumble with an embarrassing crack.

I'm so petrified I can hardly breathe.

Waiting.

Wanting.

Wishing...

Hoping beyond the heavens above that what I wanted that to mean would turn out to be truth.

"Yes Shizu-chan, don't make me say it twice now," Izaya says rather happily, the complete opposite of the turmoil going on within me. Nevertheless, I continue to hang onto every word, like I always have. But in this moment, instead of just hanging on, I'm clinging desperately.

My eyes widen when I feel teeth grazing my earlobe, right where I'm most sensitive. A shiver runs down my spine at the gesture, one that continues on as my body starts trembling at the feel of his lips ghosting over my ear.

It tickles just a bit when his nose slowly pushes against the hair above my ear, and through my wide, unwavering eyes I notice his building right up ahead.

"I love you, Shizu-chan."

I stop, closing my eyes as the words flow through me.

It has to be a dream. All of it. Haha, of course! Only in dreams could something as fucked up as today happen, and only in my dreams do I get to hear Orihara Izaya tell me he loves me.

But I can feel him. I can feel the heat radiating from his body, I can feel the flesh of his legs under my palms... it's too  _real_  to be surreal.

I gradually loosen my hold, and Izaya gets the hint to climb off. His hands are digging into my shoulders, trying to retain balance. I grab hold of one to make sure he doesn't fall, and twist my body around to face him.

My hands slide across his shoulders until they grip at his upper arms, and when Izaya looks up at me, it hits me that this is real. Very, very real.

Oh God.

How long... how long has he...?

" _Care to expand on that, Shizu-chan? What other people?"_

" _Why does it matter anymore? Even if I told you the truth, you wouldn't believe me."_

" _Shizu-chan, please kiss me."_

Why he was so mad at me, why he was crying... everything comes rushing through me like a tidal wave.

I can't stop shaking.

All this time I had gone off of what I heard and what I expected. I attacked him. And in true Izaya form, he had retaliated, hiding the fact that he'd been suffering through the same feelings as I have.

I was wrong. So utterly wrong and guilty.

"One more question," I promise, breathing steadily to control my heartbeat. My eyes lock onto his own in desperation, "I know I haven't been very trusting of you, but however you answer this next question, I swear I'll believe it. Were you telling me the truth when you said I'm your only one?"

If someone told me I was nearly leaning in on my tip-toes in anticipation, I would deny it.

The look he's giving me is unreadable. It makes me uneasy, but I stand my ground firmly.

My heart flutters when the corners of his lips perk up. I'm holding my breath, watching in awe as a smile slowly stretches his cheeks.

"Yes," he breathes, staring up at me in earnest, "you are the only one."

And I can breathe again, caught in a moment where the rest of the world ceases to exist.

He's mine.

He's truly mine.

I don't even know what to  _do_  with myself.

I want to laugh at the irony.

I want to cry over how unnecessarily difficult we made this.

I want to apologize for my harsh accusations.

I want to shout to the world that Izaya is mine. .. as a warning, you know? No one, besides me, is  _ever_  touching him again.

So I opt for kissing the living daylights out of him, because I want that too.

My hands come up quickly, fingers gliding across his cheeks and and threading through his hair.

He looks a little surprised, but I'm happy when he closes his eyes and tilts his head up in acceptance. His lips part underneath mine almost instantly, and I give a little sigh of contentment as I glide my tongue insi-

…

What the- what is that  _taste_?

I pull back suddenly, smacking my lips and cringing. The memory of Izaya spitting into the glass of water at Shinra's comes back to me, and my cringe grows deeper.

Izaya is smirking up at me.

That little- he probably knew it would taste like that and didn't even warn me!

"No wonder you gagged on this stuff!" I exclaim, rolling my tongue around in my mouth in a vain attempt to get rid of this disgusting taste. How did Izaya even manage to have this stuff in his mouth so long before gagging? He had to have bitten into something...

Something that damn Shiki probably gave to him. Fuck, I hate that guy even more! Now I can't even kiss Izaya!

"Aw, so you won't kiss me anymore? Do I taste that nasty to you?" Izaya asks, looking smug. I frown.

"I'll kiss you all you damn want,  _after_  you brush your teeth," I reason.

"Oh? Only?" Izaya asks, sighing exasperatingly and glancing away with a playful gleam reflecting in his eyes, "Is that all your love amounts to? What a pity, I thought it was stronger than that."

… this little bastard.

Question my devotion after all you've put me through, hm?

I smirk evilly.

"You seem to forget," I begin cheerfully, inwardly laughing when Izaya turns back to me cautiously, "that you do not have the upper hand here!"

With that, I promptly lean down and easily swoop him up into my arms, princess-style.

I make my way toward his building, watching with glee as his startled look melts into a smorgasbord of different emotions. None of which are joyful.

"Damn you, Shizu-chan!" He yells, squirming in my hold to the best of his ability, "Let me down! I thought you said you wouldn't carry me this way!"

"That was before you questioned me," I chuckle, slowing my pace for a moment while waiting for the sliding glass doors to fully open.

His response was to hit me.

However, it took two tries for him to even get his fist up in the air and swing it into my chest. I hardly felt a thing.

Then he twisted his leg and bumped his heel into my thigh, all the while with his face flushed a pretty shade of red and a scowl painted on his lips.

This was the most amusing thing  _ever._

"If you don't quite squirming, I might  _accidentally_  drop you," I taunt, hitting the UP button on the elevator with my foot.

Izaya pursed his lips together, glaring at me before burying his burning face into my chest. He stopped squirming.

After a warm chuckle from me, the rest of the elevator ride up is silent. I openly observe him with a small smile on my face, my fingers unconsciously rubbing back and forth on his arm, until a 'ding' sounds and the elevator doors open. Only then does Izaya decide to bring his face back out in the open, though he focuses on his apartment door... or lack-there-of... instead of me.

He sighs.

"Shizu-chan, next time, don't even bother ringing the doorbell."

A blush creeps up on my cheeks.

Heh heh. I can't help it if my strength gets the best of me sometimes.

"... because I'm giving you a spare key," Izaya finishes. I pause in my journey of stepping over the pieces of door on the ground to look down at Izaya in surprise.

He's smirks up at me and opens his mouth again, "I might as well. Giving you the key-card would be a far better investment considering our future, don't you think Shizu-chan?"

I gape, and then snap my mouth shut.

F-future. Hearing Izaya actually talk in that context makes me incredibly happy, and again, I'm hit with the urge to kiss him. Damn it!

"I'll take the key-card. But more importantly," I say, making my way to the bathroom, "You are brushing your teeth. Right now."

"I don't think I caaaan, Shizu-chan! The drug hasn't worn off yet~" He whines, making a show of going completely limp in my hold, like he wasn't able to do a damn thing, "I don't think I can brush my teeth for a few hours at this rate! Looks like you can't kiss me for awhiiiile~"

The hell I'm not!

Without a second thought, I use an arm to sweep off everything on the counter in the bathroom, hearing stuff clatter to the floor before placing Izaya on the counter. He winces.

"Shizu-chan... I can't even clean that mess with the state I'm in..."

He's complaining about something or another, but I'm only half listening as I bend down and grab a bottle of mouthwash that I had knocked off. Straightening myself, I shake the bottle in front of his face.

"I know you can spit something out; already seen you do it," I challenge, daring him to try and make another excuse.

He pouts. I am a little irked at the fact it seems like he could care less about waiting a long time for a kiss from me, but I shake the feeling off and unscrew the lid. Pouring the green, minty liquid inside the lid, I offer it to Izaya.

He takes it gingerly, tossing the liquid in his mouth and swishing it around. Thankfully I sat him right next to the sink, and he uses the convenience by spitting the mouthwash back out.

"There, happy now, Shizu-"

I lean forward against the counter, in between his legs, and reach behind his head, tugging his face closer until my lips are melded against his.

Yes. Very happy, thank you.


	12. You Are The Only One

  
-

**Izaya's POV  
-**

"Yes," I breathe lightly and smile. "You are the only one."

I look up at him expectantly. His mouth drops open and stares at me in awe with wondrous eyes, but it's quickly replaced with a smile.

A killer smile that makes my heart skip a beat and warms my frostbitten heart.

His fingers brush my cheeks then slide behind the back of my head, the sensation leaving behind burns that mark me. However I barely notice these because his warm chocolate eyes draw me deeply into this feeling that I was so scared to feel.

His lips find mine and starts sucking me anxiously, breaking me from the spell he had me under a second ago.

With a light smirk, I close my eyes and open my mouth to welcome him.

One lick was enough.

He quickly pulls back and cringes.

Well, well. Take  _that,_ Shizu-chan~~~

Though I am a  _little_  hurt by his reaction. If he's my boyfriend, I would expect him to kiss me regardless of how vile I might taste. Isn't that what unconditional love is all about?

"No wonder you gagged on this stuff!" he splutters, licking at his own teeth and crevices to get rid of that repugnant taste I'm sure he's trying to get rid of. Well, I had to deal with  _that_  for hours!

"Aw, so you won't kiss me anymore? Do I taste that nasty to you?" I ask coyly. Because dammit, he's suppose to kiss me no matter how  _nasty_  I taste, right?

I mean I… …

…

Well no, I guess I wouldn't kiss Shizu-chan if he tasted like me right now, heh. But that's beside the point.

"I'll kiss you all you damn want,  _after_  you brush your teeth," he says, as if that justifies hurting my feelings.

Oh really. Only  _after_  I brush my teeth?

I think this budding relationship of ours is starting off with a rocky start.

Not that I'm helping him out here. He crushed my ego often enough, I'm not  _that_  easy of a guy to catch!

… forget that I've already confessed. I'm STILL not planning to make this easy for him.

"Oh? Only?" I feign a sigh as I glance away, looking unperturbed as possible, "Is that all your love amounts to? What a pity, I thought it was stronger than that."

After all that humiliation you've put me through, I damn straight deserve a kiss from you Shizu-chan, no matter  _how_  I taste right now!

But Shizu-chan seems to have other ideas as he grins at me. I look back at him cautiously because this man is way too unpredictable.

"You seem to forget, that you do not have the upper hand here!"

Before I can react, not that I  _can_  react much with my body like this… he…

!

"Damn you, Shizu-chan!" I yell, half in shock when he sweeps me into his arms again. I'm horrified with humiliation. The hell! He said he wouldn't carry me like this!

He's already breaking promises! Damn you Shizu, you're losing points here!

"Let me down! I thought you said you wouldn't carry me this way!" I start punching him.

Or try to. Damn this drug!

"That was before you questioned me," he laughs at me.

I kick and punch the best I can because  _dammit_  I  _refuse_  to be a damsel in distress yet again! I am  _not_  a-

"If you don't quite squirming, I might  _accidentally_ drop you," he says and I instantly stop squirming.

To be left on the floor here in display of my immobility as well as my vulnerability where all the residence of this building personally knows me would be more than just mortifying!

Damn you Shizu, for knowing exactly how to stop me from giving you a hard time! Ugh…

Minus 500 points!

When he looks down at me with a smile, I give up and settle on burying my face in his chest. I  _hate_  being humiliated.

But what I hate the most is how his smiles melted away all my willpower to resist him.

… I hate being in love already. And I just started!

I lay in his arms as his fingers silently caress the side of my arm affectionately. That small touch leaves me even more powerless as I can't formulate a single jab of retaliation. Hearing the silent ding of my elevator that announces that we've arrived, I gladly turned to face the door so I can hand him my card-key and end this silly…

…except there is no door.

Shizu-chan… when will you ever learn…

I sigh heavily in mock exasperation. "Shizu-chan, next time, don't even bother ringing the doorbell."

I pause a good deal for the dramatic effect.

"... because I'm giving you a spare key." I end and look up at him smugly.

I can see his guilty face replace into a stunned surprise. Ah, that's a nice expression to see on his face for once.

Maybe I'll give you back 20 points, Shizu-chan.

"I might as well. Giving you the key-card would be a far better investment considering our future, don't you think Shizu-chan?" See, unlike my _boyfriend_  here, I'm the responsible one keeping this relationship together by compromising.

I wait until my words sink in. His mouth falls open and then snaps shut with determined look on his eyes.

I expect you to come visit me often Shizu-chan~ with presents. Lots of presents. Oh and spoil me senseless too.

He'd better because, well.

I'm Orihara Izaya.

That's a sufficient enough of a reason, right?

"I'll take the key-card. But more importantly, you are brushing your teeth. Right now," as he marches up the stairs briskly towards my bathroom.

Ah, dammit. You still won't kiss me until I brush my teeth? Seriously Shizu-chan?

Another minus 100 points for you! And that's a failing grade right now Shizu-chan~

"I don't think I caaaan, Shizu-chan! The drug hasn't worn off yet~" I say with my sing-song voice, "I don't think I can brush my teeth for a few hours at this rate! Looks like you can't kiss me for awhiiiile~"

That's right Shizu-chan~ I'm not going to be  _that_  easy. So you'd better kiss me soon~

But he doesn't listen to me. Again. Instead he hurries to my bathroom and…

…knocks off all my toiletries with one sweep!

What the hell Shizu-chan! Ugh, do you really want a failing grade here?

"Shizu-chan... I can't even clean that mess with the state I'm in..." I complain as he sets me on top of the now-clean counter top. But he's not listening to me once again.

Will this brute  _ever_  learn to listen to me?

He bends down to look at the mess on the floor to pick out the item he's looking for.

Mouthwash.

"I know you can spit something out; already seen you do it," he says as he shakes it.

Shizu-chan, you always ruin my fun~

He pours a cup and I take it. I am partially glad to finally be getting rid of the horrid taste in my mouth as I swish the minty mouthwash with my tongue.

After I spit, I say with my most harried tone possible, "There, happy now, Shizu-"

But I never get to finish my sentence.

His mouth closes on me immediately, as if he was waiting for this very moment all his life.

His tongue glides inside my mouth and I instantly melt into his kiss. His hand holds me in place as he licks every crevice and every nook and cranny inside me. I can taste the faint traces of his cigarette mingling with my minty breath. He doesn't even allow me to gasp for breath as he assaults me with his steamy breath leaving me moaning into his mouth for more.

Once he pulls away from me, his eyes are hooded, brimming with lust.

Damn, I really missed him.

He draws me closer, pulling me in deeper, as I move forward and his chest brushes against mine and I can feel his body heat through the cold thin fabric of our shirts, warming me up in further. I'm about to moan and beg for more when…

…he pulls away and frowns.

What?  _Why?_

He sighs irritably as he eyes at my paint-soaked shirt to say, "Does this stuff stain?"

I… I can't believe this guy! For god's sake Shizu! Who the fuck cares! Fuck me already dammit! I don't give a shit that your shirt is a present from your  _precious_  little deadpan brother, what about  _my_ needs here!

All those good feelings? Gone instantly. Thanks a lot dear  _boyfriend_! Oh and by the way, you lost some more points. I really should start writing down how many points he  _doesn't_  have anymore.

"How should I know?" I huff as I pull away from him. I'm hoping he gets the hint that I was  _hoping_  for some action here.

"I hope not. Should probably throw these in the washer," he says, as he starts unbuttoning his shirt.

Since  _when_  did you care so much about your shirt Shizu-chan? I've stabbed and ripped through those a  _billion times_  already over the years and all you seemed to care back then was to chase me down and beat the living shit out of me!  
When he starts stripping off his shirt however… I re-think my thoughts. Okay,  _maaaaybe_  this is a good thing after all.

Because his bare chest that ripples with muscles is a huge turn on for me.

Once he slides his shirt off, he reaches for my stomach to tug at my own.

"I'll go wash these real quick."

Oh no you won't! Not when I have a hard on for you!

I reach out to grab his arm. He turns to look at me quizzically.

"Forget the clothes," I start and he frowns. Seriously, they're clothes dammit, totally replaceable!

"Stay." I repeat. His eyebrows shoot up in surprise at that one word alone.

"… and wash me instead," I smirk coyly as I wrap my arms around his broad shoulders and purr.

A light blush peeks out from his cheeks as he glances over at my tub. Heh… so he can be kind of cute.

… maybe another 10 points. Maybe.

He pauses to think though. What's there to even think about? Clothes versus me? Seriously Shizu-chan… I might not even give you those points if you take any longer-

"Alright," he says finally as he turns to me with a smirk. Damn right you'd better choose me over inanimate replaceable objects. There are a billion of bartender clothes in the world but only one Orihara Izaya you know!

He tugs at my shirt still and says playfully, "still need this off."

I laugh and consent as I raise my arms. He slides off the damp shirt, and I feel a bit chilly.

He flings my shirt to join his own and slides his hands down my side. It warms me up as his fingers once again burn me with his body heat. His smile melts away my anger as I lean forward for a kiss.

Then he frowns.

Huh?

Why is he…?

His lips turn away from me and his scowl continues to make my heart stop for several seconds; residual effects of my insecurities.

Leaning down, he wraps his arms around my torso and…

…kisses my neck.

I sigh in relief at first then shiver as he continues to rain down chaste feather-soft kisses on my skin.

"Shizu-chan…" I moan his name as I pull him closer.

He cocks his head up when I call out his name. I stare down at his intense brown eyes filled with affection before he propels upward to take my lips again.

I sigh contently as his tongue once again takes control of mine. Despite all my earlier agitations, I could kiss this man forever.

He pulls back from the kiss and I whine a bit in protest. He pecks me on the corner of my lips in response but I still don't like it.

Before I can voice my complaint, he slowly pulls me off the counter, forcing me to stand.

"Try to balance yourself," he instructs me as he looks down to make sure my footing is secure.

I wish he'd continue with the kissing but I comply as I try to hold myself up.

I can only stand if I have my arms wrapped around his neck. I hate how my legs tremble as I try to stand straighter.

"Don't go falling on me again." He has the audacity to chuckle at my temporal frailty! I growl but I decide to be the 'bigger man' and forgive him as he starts to unbuckle my belts. I hold onto him tighter as I watch my belts fall along with my pants.

"Oh stop glaring at me. You're the one who suggested a bath, knowing you wouldn't be able to do things yourself."

Well maybe, but I don't like that smug look on your face Shizu-chan!

I mutter to myself as he lifts me up and walks over to the tub. As he sits on the edge, he places me so my back is to his chest. As he turns on the facet I haughtily reply, "I expect nothing but the best, Shizu-chan."

He leans forward to check the temperature of the water with one hand. "The best, hm?" I can hear the hint of humor in that tone. I'd normally scowl and wonder what he has planned but whatever it is, it'd better be something good.

As we wait sitting on the edge while the warm water slowly fills the tub, he wraps his other arm around me, placing his hand on my side and rests his chin in the crook of my neck. I shiver at the contact, feeling his breath so close as all the sense of my skin focuses its attention to my back where I can feel his body lean forward against me.

"And what does the 'best' consist of?" he drags his chin down until his lips are pressed against the back of my neck and it takes everything I have not to moan and arch.

"My~ Shizu-chan, must I make you a list? Can't your protozoan brain figure out what I might want?" I half cringe as soon as those words leave my mouth. It's engraved in me to wear my mask and banter whenever I'm in an uncompromising situation. And right now I happen to be in an embarrassing situation as that light touch of his lips aroused me so much.

Ah damn. And I had told myself I was gonna try to make an effort  _not_  to hide myself behind my masks.

Before I splutter meaningless babble and argue my points, Shizu-chan speaks up, "I think my 'protozoan brain' is still stuck on the fact that you want  _me_." Shizuo replies, muttering into my neck. My breath hitches as I can feel his warm puff of air as his voice vibrates through my sensitive body.

Then he draws his head away and tugs at my boxers, "And that list would be way too long, you greedy little shit."

My heart flutters at his words, glad that I don't have to fight harshly to protect my pride. It also flutters as he pulls the boxers underneath me, dragging them down my legs slowly, revealing my semi-hard erection, suggesting to him what he should plan to do next.

"Oh yeah?" I smirk and calmly banter back now, my insecurities slowly fading as I gain confidence. He won't leave me no matter what right? Even if I'm a greedy bastard and a needy hypocrite. I want to believe in him so badly.

Tell me how much you love me Shizu-chan.

I want to melt into your arms right now.

That 'list' of things I want from Shizu-chan would truly be long. Because I am greedy and selfish man who's true to his desires. And my desire regarding Shizu-chan is insatiable like the abyss of a black hole.

Endless.

"And what do you think this 'greedy little shit' wants right now? You still haven't answered my question." I finish my sentence, not at all voicing my true thoughts. As if I could actually utter such embarrassment with my own lips!

He grins at me and I'm a bit perturbed to see that my banter hasn't affected him. But I  _should_  be happy that he's not angry right? This relationship thing is really confusing.

"He wants to take a bath, of course," and he sets me down into the water. He starts laughing and I'm not quite sure why he finds this funny.

My agitation melts away again as I look and appreciate the view as he strips in front of me. He really does have a well sculpted body, almost enough to make me jealous as a man.

He turns off the faucet and climbs into the tub to sit behind me. He wraps one hand around me to draw me close to him again.

"Other than that, this protozoan mind doesn't have the faintest clue." He whispers into my ear and I can feel his smiles as that hand teasingly runs down my body and over my pelvic bone.

Leaning back, I close my eyes and shiver at his seductive touch.

"Th… that's a shame," for once I'm unabashed by my stutter that gives away how aroused I am by his touches. "Maybe I'll tell you if you be a good boy," I tease back.

He chuckles, his rumble tickling my ears as he lathers the sponge with liquid soap. I watch him squeeze it a few times to create foam.

"You know as much as I do you're just going to keep me guessing," his amused tone gives him away. I decide, I kind of like this Shizu-chan more than angry one. Gently he holds me in place with one hand as his other starts to clean my stomach stained with red.

"Mmm… that's true…" I close my eyes and moan, leaning back. I try to raise my hip, craning for more of his hand.

But he teases me as he drags the sponge across my lower stomach and between my thighs but never actually making direct contact with my _obvious_  erection!

"You tease!" I squirm, desperate for any friction. I try my best to raise my hips but my legs tremble and give in. If only my body would  _listen_  to me!

He just  _laughs_  at my insatiable yearn for his touch. "No idea what you're talking about. I'm just giving you a bath."

Just giving me a bath my ass!

When the hell does this drug wear off anyway?

"I think I like you immobile like this," he smirks. I don't need to turn around to know. I can  _hear_  him smirk!

I can deduce from just his tone alone that he's very amused at the cost of my transient incompetency.

And just to reiterate, he drags the sponge  _very_  close to my crotch!

Oh, that's it Shizu-chan~ You're  _so_  gonna get it when I can move again!

"Shizu-chan. If you keep this up, you'll be left with one really pissed off Orihara and sexually frustrated Orihara is not recommended for your healthy life! If you value your libido, I suggest on alternative methods." I don't even bother hiding my agitation.

I'll eat you alive Shizu-chan!  _And_ milk you dry!

He snorts and lets go of the sponge. My eyes flutter close as I feel that rough, yet gentle hand coaxing my swollen flesh.

Nnngh… finally!

I wrap my arm behind me, holding onto his neck as I indulge into the pleasure he supplies me. His fingers peel away my foreskin and my shy pink head pops out from its hiding place. Seeing my erection disappear and appear as he fists me only makes my throbbing manhood grow harder with his ministration. I want to move my hips in tandem to his slow and deliberate pumping but my legs only tremble in its inadequacy.

Dammit Shizu-chan… I want more! You're always too slow with these things!

Blood rushes to my middle as all my senses focus on those rough fingers curled around my aching erection throbbing selfishly. My grip tightens around Shizu-chan's neck, hoping he'd get the message that I  _need_  him.

I shiver as he licks the back of my neck, and a small "Aaah…" escapes from my mouth. The steam burns my cheeks as I gasp for breath. I melt into the heat as he licks the stinging wound he leaves after his tenacious sucking.

"Shizu-chan…" I breathe out a moan when his hands stroke me faster. I melt even further into the burning friction and the condensed magma that bathes me.

Shizu-chan… just your hands and kisses alone leave me helpless with desire. It shackles me to you, a slave bound to you forever.

The built in pressure escapes my body as a miasma of euphoria clouds my vision and consumes my body. I tremble as I release my seeds, strings of creamy cum shooting out of my hard erection. I lean back against his comfortingly wide chest, trying to gasp for oxygen despite the heavy steam, fighting back against the exploding stars that were slowly dissipating from my view.

"Shizu-chan…" I moan his name again, breathless. I still wish I could move my body, but right now, I think I'd rather rest a bit.

As if reading my mind, Shizu-chan's tells me, "… I take it back. I wish you  _were_  mobile," and I can feel his hard cock digging and throbbing against my ass.

I chuckle at his words. How cute. He's turned on.

"Shizu-chan, did you want me to do some naughty things too?" I ask slyly.

"Well you unfortunately can't," Shizuo replies and I giggle inwardly at his slightly disgruntled voice. I can feel a light weight on my shoulder as he rests his chin there.

"Do you want to get out of the tub now?"

After short pause as if I'm considering, then I turn my head to face him to sneakily say, "Maaaybe. If I can't do naughty things, are you going to do naughty things to me again then?"

He stares at me in surprise then I can feel his arms tighten his hold on me a bit. I'm not surprised that he's surprised. Considering I'm quite surprised with my new self and how I'm handling this fast-developing relationship we're both amateurs in.

"You better watch what you're saying. I can do anything I want with you right now, you know."

If he had said this just a few months ago, I would have considered it as a threat for my life.

Instead my eyes slit coyly, newly budding confidence bubbling inside me. "Oh yeah? I'm kinda curious what you  _think_ you can do,  _Shizu-chan._ " I purposefully emphasize to get my message across.

I think it worked.

Because he hungrily kisses me, his tongue dominating mine as his hand possessively forces my head to turn towards him.

God, he sure knows how to kiss!

When he pulls away, I'm dizzy from the lack of oxygen as I'm left breathless. I barely hear him mutter "Bath's over" as he picks me up again.

He places me so I'm sitting on the edge of the tub. I flinch at the super cold tiles when I lean against the wall. I watch in amusement as he quickly pulls the drain and grabs a towel to hastily dry my hair.

"Shizu-chan~ You forgot the spot behind my ears~" I whine out loud though I can't help but grin ear to ear.

"Spoiled brat," he grumbles, roughly running the towel behind my ears, giving me more reasons to say, "Ow~ be more gentle! You're so rough, Shizu-chan!" But he's already moved on to wiping my immobile body with the towel briefly, barely padding down the moisture.

He gets up and has the balls to smirk and taunts back, "Thought you liked it when I was rough?" as he dries his own body.

For a brief second, I am a bit mesmerized when he stands up, totally nude before me as he wipes down. Then his words slap me hard.

Ooh~ this means war Shizu-chan!

"Who said I wanted you to be rough with a dumb  _towel_ , Shizu-chan." I shrug, though my eyes are still trailing up and down his well sculpted muscles. How does he get those so naturally anyway, dammit!

"If you plan to be rough, at least put some more skills into it… with your cock," I smirk back challengingly.

He flings the towel on the floor but I don't take my eyes off of him.

"If you haven't already guessed," he swoops down to pick me up and…

NOT AGAIN!

"That's what I plan to do." He finishes as he heads out of the bathroom and toward the bedroom… while carrying me in that humiliating style!

GoddamitShizu!

"This is beyond  _degrading_  Shizu-chan," I growl again, my happy little feeling gone once more as I lay in his arms helplessly.

He laughs a little bit too blithely, "It's the easiest way to carry you, sorry."

Right. I can  _so_ , tell you're  _very_  sorry indeed.

He lays me down on my bed gently and climbs on top of me. I unconsciously take a deep breath anxiously as he looms over my body, his legs saddling my sides. The anticipation is about to kill me.

He lowers his head and gently sucks on my lips to seek entrance. When I part my lips, he devours me fervently. I try to kiss back as passionately as I can despite the fact that I can barely move my body. I cling to him, my tongue licking his, feeling and seeking desperately as he too consumes me greedily.

I whimper when his mouth leaves mine, but soon it's replaced with a needy moan as his teeth grazes my neck.

Just as I'm getting really into this, he stops, pausing from his mid-sucking.

If it was me of yesterday, by now my heart would freeze and wonder what I've done wrong.

However, I know better now.

"Shizu-chan?" I ask, wondering what he wanted. He pulls up to look directly with his serious eyes.

"I want you to tell me something specific." His voice barely a whisper.

"Tell me where he touched you."

Almost immediately my grip on Shizuo's shoulder's tighten as I swallow drily. I can't bring myself to look into those sad brown eyes. I can feel my body involuntarily tremble under him too as I suddenly find the crumpled bed sheets a much more interesting subject than those accusing eyes that reflects my sin.

I don't want to remember it.

I don't want to remember that night.

That memory was nothing but trash and filth, vile and disgusting! It's cold, but his fingers and lips sear me with unforgettable BURN! I'm trapped as he looms over me. Unable to move from that spot, unable to stop him as his dirty fingers leave their scars, corrupting my once-unsullied body. He persistently violates my ego, tearing down my pride with his teeth, as the black slimy filth scorches inerasable burn marks on my pale skin. It's too noticeable. Even I could see the black stains. No matter how I try to wipe myself clean, I can still see them. I don't want to remember it. I don't want to se-!

"Izaya."

His voice brings me back from my trance as I try to focus my hazy vision.

I blink as his hands cup my face. My focus returns slowly, away from the dark alleyway, away from that deplorable man as I gaze up on those warm eyes with an injured look.

Why does he look so much more in pain than I?

I hesitate, not because I don't want to tell him… I just don't want to walk down that damn memory lane. I let out a deep sigh and place my finger on the first spot that he kissed me when he roughly pushed me against that brick wall.

He places a soft kiss on that spot near my neck, which I'm sure is still spotted pink. He hovers on top of it briefly before he pulls away for more.

I close my eyes as my finger slides lower; at the second spot he left a mark. He leaves me a kiss again more firmly. With my eyes closed, I shiver. I can still see that damn man's revolting sneer as he has me right where he wants me.

How ironic, considering I am again immobile just like that time.

I can feel my fingers shake in memory as I scowl and cringe, not liking my memory as I lower my finger again. I remember that one, it's the one where he bit me.

Hard.

My chest feels tight as my breath hitches, and I'm sure it's not because I'm aroused.

"Hey, Izaya."

My eyes flutter open, my consciousness shocked to see that I'm not behind that dark alleyway but my own soft bed. I turn my face towards the firm voice that called my name.

"It's me." Shizu-chan looks at me with concern. I only nod in response as I can feel his touches again, bringing me back to life from the cold darkness, his thumb gently caressing my finger that's pointing that bite mark.

Once I come out of my daze for the second time, Shizu-chan lowers his head, removing my hand as he sucks on that spot.

I lean back and moan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE:
> 
> Izaya is currently suffering from a 'Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.' When someone goes through a life-threatening situation, their 'survival mode' kicks in and through various means, they may overcome that certain situation. However the scars remain unhealed and starts to rot inside, resurfacing up at a later time. Usually something triggers them to 'relive' that traumatic moment. Because this fic is written in POV format, we can't necessarily voice it directly. Thank you.


	13. Wash Away

 

 **Shizuo's POV**  
-

I waste no time in plunging my tongue into that soft heat, re-memorizing every inch of the mouth that's humming in appreciation of my every move. I don't even think he realizes the way he inches forward every time our lips break apart in the slightest bit, silently letting me know just how much he wants this.

And it thrills me.

Rolling my tongue around his own once more, I take the opportunity to pull back, leaving my lips parted to take a few deep breaths of air that I had lost within the kiss.

The way he's looking at me... completely unguarded and impassioned... I want to see this expression on him every day from this day forward.

Damn, I really missed him.

Damn, this man really said he loved me, didn't he?

With zealous hands that slide down his back and possessively pull him closer to me, I have every intention to kiss him breathless. However, when his chest touches my own, I am made aware of the rough coldness on my shirt.

I frown, looking down at the red-stained shirt. Ugh, I carried him again, of course I got this stuff all over me. Which reminds me, I left my vest at Shinra's!

"Does this stuff stain?" I sigh, not very pleased with yet another ruined gift from Kasuka.

I look back up when Izaya huffs, pulling away from me.

"How should I know?" He says, sounding rather irritated. I hide a smile.

"I hope not. Should probably throw these in the washer," I continue, eying Izaya's own red-streaked clothing as I make to unbutton my shirt. Izaya may not be thinking of it now, but who knows where we'll end up tonight, and I don't want to hear his bitching when his expensive furniture gets stained by this stuff.

Unbuttoning every button is a tedious job, but something I have grown used to wearing this outfit every day, so it doesn't take long until I'm sliding the shirt off my shoulders and reaching for Izaya's shirt to do the same.

"I'll go wash these real quick-"

I'm surprised when a hand reaches out to grab my arm.

"Forget the clothes," Izaya says adamantly, and just as I'm thinking of a way to respond, he continues with, "Stay."

Hearing that word again makes my heart jump.

Is he still afraid I'm going to leave? After my confession, after  _his_  confession-

A coy smile develops on his lips.

"... and wash me instead," he purrs, swaying his body forward and wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

Well fuck, if  _that_ didn't conjure up images that made my lower abdomen stir. But at the same time, I'm a little surprised. I was expecting Izaya to want to go straight to bed and wait until this drug wore off, because I know how independent he is. My chest inflates when I realize the amount of trust he's putting in me just by not doing that.

My eyes travel to the tub.

It would at least get him clean. And I'm pretty damn sure our clothing is ruined by this stuff already, whether it gets put in the wash now or not.

And why would I turn down the opportunity to have him naked and flush against me? That bathtub was only so big...

"Alright," I give in, turning back to him with a smirk. He looks pleased as I tug at his shirt, "still need this off, though."

He laughs, and weakly lifts his arms. I tug on the shirt until it pops over his head, and smile when his hair gets tousled from the deed.

Flinging the shirt over where mine lay, I look down at the pale skin now on display, and run my hands slowly down his cool skin.

But there's something wrong with this sight.

I scowl when those damn hickeys and bite marks stare back at me mockingly. If only we hadn't been so stupidly stubborn... all of this could have been avoided.

It's a fact, I'm sure, will haunt me.

I want to  _erase_  those marks from his body. Even if they were already faded, and would surely heal within the next week, they were fucking there  _now_.

I bend down, ghosting my lips over every mark I see. It's a sentimental gesture that won't accomplish anything, but damn it, I feel useless! Especially because some  _other guy_  was there for Izaya when I wasn't!

"Shizu-chan."

I pause in mid-kiss when his chest rumbles beneath my lips and that breathy voice comes from between his lips. Snapping my head up to look at him, and seeing that passionate scarlet gaze burning into my own, a flare of lust ignites in me, fueling me to hastily lean upward and capture his lips again.

The kiss is hot, desperate, and loving at the same time. I know I'll never be able to get enough, but I can sure as hell try.

… bath, bath, right.

Reason enters my mind and I almost want to throw it back out because Izaya's tongue is responding in the most delicious way, ugh.

Control yourself, Shizuo. Just because Izaya is trusting you doesn't mean you can take advantage of the situation!

I pull away from his lips, and smile when he whines in protest. In apology, I peck the corner of his lips, and wrap my arms securely around him, dragging him off the counter.

"Try to balance yourself," I instruct, looking down at his feet to try and determine how much weight he can control. He stands, but shakily, and I bet he would fall again if I let him go. He tries, though. His body is practically trembling from the attempt to stand straighter. So stubborn. "Don't go falling on me again."

Oooh, I got a glare for that one.

He says nothing, though, as I sandwich him between the counter and my body for leverage as my hands busily unbuckle his belt. His glare continues even as I slide his pants down.

"Oh stop glaring at me. You're the one who suggested a bath, knowing you wouldn't be able to do things yourself," I remind him, lifting him in my arms. Sitting on the edge of the tub, I maneuver him so he's sitting on my lap, then reach for the faucet.

"I expect nothing but the best, Shizu-chan," he suddenly states firmly.

Even though I'm not entirely sure what he's referring to, I'm not surprised. Orihara Izaya wanting the best? That's like saying oil and water don't mix. A never-ending fact.

"The best, hm?" I reply, trying to hide my amusement as I put my hand in the water. Perfect. I swing my arm over, flinging droplets of water in the tub and on his skin, and wrap it around him. Resting my chin in the crook of his neck, I can't help but turn toward him, the warmth of his skin acting like a magnet. "And what does the 'best' consist of?"

I drag my chin down his neck until my lips come into contact with his flesh. His body twitches in the slightest.

"My~ Shizu-chan, must I make you a list? Can't your protozoan brain figure out what I might want?" Izaya answers me. I throw a glare at the back of his neck, one he will not see, before my mind drifts to much more important things than a crummy insult.

What he wants, hm?

I can only guess, Izaya. You've rattled my mind way too much to be sure of anything when it comes to you. Even this moment... this entire day... seems unreal. But then I feel you here in my arms, I remember the confession you whispered so softly in my ear, I merely  _breathe_ and fill my lungs with air and I know... I know that this  _is_  real.

"I think my 'protozoan brain' is still stuck on the fact that you want  _me_ ," I say softly, closing my eyes as my lips form the words against the soft skin of his neck.

Because that is definitely a tough one to comprehend.

I must have done something right... something perfect to find my way into such a man's heart. I had no idea what he saw, what changed his mind, what even propelled him to start this odd relationship in the first place. I wonder if he ever had the same thoughts I did... thoughts of overwhelming confusion and mind-numbing fear after every night spent together because I  _knew_  something was changing.

I used to think there was no way he could be feeling those things too. I used to call myself pathetic for allowing him to get to me in all the ways he did. But now knowing that I was his only one... knowing he feels the same way about me... he must have went through something similar. The thought comforts me, yet angers me at the same time, because I had no idea.

See, Izaya? I'm not going to always know what you want. I wish you would be more honest with things sometimes. Making a list of things you want would actually be helpful, so I'd know exactly what I'm getting into, you little troublemaker.

"And that list would be way too long, you greedy little shit," I finish, grinning at my retaliation as I wrap my hands around the waistline of his boxers. With a couple tugs, I have the undergarments lying in a crumpled heap on the floor.

"Oh yeah?" He voices, managing to turn toward me. His eyes are dancing in mischief, a glint of something fiery within the depths of his irises that attracts me like a moth to a flame, "And what do you think this 'greedy little shit' wants right now? You still haven't answered my question."

I grin widely, incredibly amused by his round-about way of getting to the point and trying to be subtle about it. This is what we need to work on, Izaya. You need to be more blunt about these things. If you don't, it just gives me room to tease you.

Which I plan on taking great pleasure in doing.

I hook my arms underneath him, lifting him over the water.

"He wants to take a bath, of course," I say innocently, chuckling as I set him down in the water, which turned into laughter upon seeing his obviously disappointed pout. I undress myself quickly, and turn off the faucet before dipping into the water, carefully maneuvering until I am comfortably seated behind Izaya.

He must be a little perturbed at me, because he doesn't say anything even as I wrap an arm around his waist and tug him against me. Haha, Izaya, you are really something else.

Alright, I'll give in a little.

"Other than that, this protozoan mind doesn't have the faintest clue," I whisper gently in his ear, dragging my fingers down his side, across his stomach, and over the sharp V below. His head dips back, resting on my shoulder, and I can feel the shiver run throughout his body.

"Th… that's a shame," he responds in a breathless stutter, causing my heart to beat just a bit faster, "Maybe I'll tell you if you be a good boy."

I chuckle at those words, glancing over at the sponge sitting against the wall. Lifting one arm out of the water, and leaving one gently stroking his skin, I grab the bottle of liquid soap and pour it on the sponge.

"You know as much as I do you're just going to keep me guessing," I reply in all honesty, squeezing and rubbing at the sponge to lather it properly.

I look over Izaya's shoulder to see the red splotches on his stomach, and begin rubbing at them. The redness comes off rather easily, and sends clouds of pink floating through the clear water.

"Mmm… that's true…"

A small moan escapes him when my hand travels down to his thigh, dragging the sponge in slow, deliberate circles across the wet skin. His cock is standing proudly underneath the water, the pink head begging to be touched.

At least his body is honest.

Never-the-less, I continue my taunt, guiding the sponge up, down, sideways, across, anywhere  _but_  the place I know he wants it most. I wonder how long he will let me-

"You tease!" He exclaims, and laughter bubbles from my mouth.

Apparently not long.

Not surprising.

"No idea what you're talking about. I'm just giving you a bath," I feign innocence, grinning. I can practically feel the annoyance rolling off him in waves, "I think I like you immobile like this."

To further emphasize my point, I drag the sponge dangerously close to his throbbing need.

"Shizu-chan," my name is said in a clipped voice, warning, "If you keep this up, you'll be left with one really pissed off Orihara and sexually frustrated Orihara is not recommended for your healthy life! If you value your libido, I suggest on alternative methods."

I snort at the threat, though I have no doubt his words would ring true.

Really, Izaya, all I want you to do is verbalize what you want. Is it really that hard? But I suppose it wouldn't be good to have you genuinely mad at me.

Mentally shaking my head, because damn it I'm giving into him so easily again, I let go of the sponge. It floats to the surface as I fist my palm around Izaya's cock and bob it, gently but firmly, feeling the skin slide smoothly beneath my touch.

Izaya squirms in my hold, reaching an arm behind himself to wrap it encouragingly around my neck. His breathing is off, loud in the near silence. The only other sound made is the gentle swishing of water as my arm moves, and an occasional mewl from his lips.

Watching avidly as his pink head disappears and reappears under my administrations, feeling his cock growing even bigger, aware of the way his fingers dig into my neck, I swallow hard. My lower regions stir to life rather quickly, prompting me to run my tongue over the delicious skin of his neck.

"Aaah…" He gasps, sending pleasant tingles of lust rushing over me.

The gentle swishing of the water turns into small splashes.

"Shizu-chan…" He moans when I pump his erection faster, bringing him closer and closer to completion. I can feel it coming before it happens, his stomach muscles jumping, until he explodes. His semen mixes with the pink water almost immediately.

He gasps for breath, muttering my name again as his body lays limp against my chest. I swallow again, my throat thick as my own cock pulses with the need for a similar release.

Ugh, Izaya, you are so fucking lucky I love you. Otherwise I'd take you hear and now, whether you were helplessly immobile or not!

"...I take it back. I wish you  _were_  mobile," I mutter. I don't even bother trying to will my erection away, because I knew it would be a fruitless effort with a naked and panting Izaya pressed up against me.

I am so far gone.

Damn it.

Double damn it when he starts  _chuckling_!

"Shizu-chan, did you want me to do some naughty things too?" He asks impishly. My cock stirs at the thought of those 'naughty things' and I hold back a groan.

"Well you unfortunately can't," I say, trying my hardest to keep the obvious arousal out of my voice as I rest my chin on his shoulder. I really need to get us both out of this bathtub if I planned on calming down at all, "Do you want to get out of the tub now?"

Please say yes.

This is apparently what I get for teasing Orihara Izaya.

Said man turns to face me, crimson eyes dancing with mischief.

"Maaaybe. If I can't do naughty things, are you going to do naughty things to me again then?"

… is he kidding?

More? He'll actually throw his pride aside and let me take him in this state?

My arms tighten around him, a silent warning.

"You better watch what you're saying. I can do anything I want with you right now, you know."

But he just narrows his dancing eyes challengingly. There is no fear in that gaze, no tenseness in the body laying against me.

"Oh yeah? I'm kinda curious what you  _think_ you can do,  _Shizu-chan._ "

… this little bastard.

This painstakingly gorgeous, exasperating, irresistible little bastard.

My gaze falls to lips that I have captured, smothered, and bruised umpteen times. They still remain craved for. And in a fervor, I respond to that craving, seizing his lips in a passionate fury of kisses. I grab at the side of his face, turning and pulling him, anything to bring him  _closer._

The way his lips immediately slide along my own and part, the way his tongue meets mine so acceptably, the way his entire body seems to gravitate toward me... I just want to possess this man, inside and out.

With that thought encompassing my mind, I break the kiss in a gasp of air, impatience racking my being.

"Bath's over," I mutter breathlessly, lifting him from the water. The sound of a waterfall hits my ears when the pink water rushes off of him, and I quickly place him on the side of the tub before letting the water flow down the drain and grabbing a towel. The fluffy white cloth is swishing over his hair within the next second.

"Shizu-chan~ You forgot the spot behind my ears~" He whines, though I can hear the laughter in his voice.

Yeah, yeah, you effect me and you know it!

"Spoiled brat," I mutter under my breath, unwavering in my drying, though I quickly drag the towel behind his ears anyway.

"Ow~ be more gentle! You're so rough, Shizu-chan!"

My lust-driven state smirks at those words as I begin toweling myself off.

"Thought you liked it when I was rough?" I taunt, pleased when I notice his eyes are locked on my body.

"Who said I wanted you to be rough with a dumb  _towel_ , Shizu-chan," he replies, continuing to shamelessly look everywhere below my neck. I feel myself twitch under the unwavering gaze, and my breath hitches when those eyes suddenly flash up to mine, "If you plan to be rough, at least put some more skills into it… with your cock."

Oh I'll show you skill.

Flinging the towel to the floor, not bothered by the fact we're still damp, I walk toward him.

"If you haven't already guessed," I begin, swooping down and wrapping my arms around his back and legs to pick him up in the style he just _loves_ , "That's what I plan to do."

His outraged pout is incredibly cute.

"This is beyond  _degrading_  Shizu-chan," he complains, though he doesn't even try to put up a fight. I laugh.

"It's the easiest way to carry you, sorry," I reply with a grin. He simply scoffs and looks away from me, until I reach the bedroom and bend down to lay him on the mattress.

Crawling on top of him, I stare into the eyes staring right back at me, and I can only hope to convey everything I'm feeling inside. My lips and teeth suckle and nip at his lips until he gives way, allowing my tongue to snake inside and dominate him. It's a frenzied battle of tongues and lips and hot breathes of air, with his hands grasping at my arms and shoulders to the best of his ability.

Completely addicting.

But that's more than okay.

I trace my fingertips down his neck and across his collarbone. The urge to kiss the skin I just ran over burns me, and I pull back only enough to bypass his chin and attach my lips to the soft skin of his neck. Grazing my teeth against the pale canvas beneath me, he moans in abandonment, the skin beneath my lips reverberating with the lewd sound.

Encouraged my the pleasured sounds spilling from his lips, I continue my ministrations, admiring the beautiful pale color, the slope of his neck, the hard lines of his collarbone-

I stop, hovering my lips over a light purple bruise.

That blasted feeling of guilt wrapped within anger comes flying back into my consciousness, distracting myself from amorous fire running through my veins.

Damn it, why can't these things just disappear!

I hate them.

Every single one of them.

Izaya is _mine_.

"Shizu-chan?"

The question snaps me out of a daze, and I lift my head to meet his eyes. He looks hesitant, questioning.

"I want you to tell me something specific," I whisper, gently rubbing at his sides in an unspoken apology. Because I know he won't like what I'm about to ask. Even I hesitate for a split second, wondering if I should bring it up, but the urge is too great. I know I can't take away memories, but I can create new ones, "Tell me where he touched you."

Every single spot.

So I can mark over it and claim what's mine.

My chest hurts at the look he gives me as his grip tightens on my shoulders.

You always try to act so tough, so in control. Even when you were telling me about this earlier, you immediately switched to teasing me to avoid it. But we both know the seriousness of this situation, and the way you're avoiding my gaze tells me so much more than what your earlier words did.

This really got to you.

"Izaya," I call insistently, cupping his cheek. He blinks at the move, turning to look at me with clouded eyes. Damn it, I don't want to force you to remember. I don't want you to be haunted over this. I want to help you.

I hope you understand that.

When he points to a spot on his neck, I believe he does understand, and it relieves me greatly. Hovering over him, holding him gently, I place a soft kiss on the spot he pointed to.

I'm sorry.

I follow his finger to the next spot, kissing him again.

This won't happen again.

Again I follow to the next spot, and notice the body trembling beneath me.

One glance at his face is like a sucker punch in the stomach.

He isn't liking this. He's afraid.

You don't have to be afraid of me!

"Hey, Izaya," I call again. His eyes slowly open to meet my own, "It's me."

My fingers glide over the fingers pointing to one of the larger bruises in, what I hope, is a comfort. He still looks bothered, but nods his head. All I can do is continue. Continue and hope I can manage to burn my image into his mind so his thoughts don't stray.

Softly pushing his fingers away, I lower my head and gently suckle on his skin. He squirms a bit, but after hearing the moan escape his mouth, I know it's not something to be worried about.

And I continue. Following his direction, I kiss, bite, suck, and lick those ugly marks into oblivion.

"Shizu-chan," he moans in a breathless whisper. It's how I know that he's feeling  _me_ , trusting  _me_ , loving  _me_.

 _Why_  he loves me, I'll never know. I have nothing to offer to someone who has it all. He hates the way I dive right into things before thinking about the consequences, he hates the way I get so angry over the smallest things, he hates how unpredictable I am... and somehow, he loves me. It seems like such a paradox.

But I'll just continue my simplistic thinking and accept it.

Izaya would not waste his time on something he did not want. I have no idea how long he'll continue to want me, but I will sure as hell use that time to love him like I've been wanting to.

You want the best?

I'll give you the best to the best of my ability.

Because you're a greedy bastard, but you deserve it.

"Shizu-chan," he breathes again, fueling me to wrap my arms possessively around his waist, pulling his back up off the bed just slightly as I run my lips and tongue across the faded marks. His chest and torso is now peppered with bright red marks;  _my_  marks. When I'm sure every one of them has been covered, I look up.

"Where else?" I mutter, unevenly breathing.

Then he  _smiles_  at me and I  _know_  this was a good idea.

My God, he's beautiful. I'm utterly left speechless. I'm so incredibly grateful to this man. There is no way I would be here, holding him protectively in my arms, if he didn't start this weird relationship in the first place. I would have never gotten to know the real Izaya.

It chills me to think I might have actually killed him if things had continue the way they were before.

But there was no reason to think of the past.

All that mattered was the present.

All that mattered was him.


	14. I Want To Trust You

 

**Izaya's POV**

I could feel him go back and kiss those marks again, the sinful spots that I've revealed to him. He sucks on them harder now, surely leaving his own mark on top of that stain of filth, covering them.

Though I know those marks will eventually go away physically, the memory of that filth will forever be with me. The feel of another man.

But his sucking cleanses me. His licking wipes away the repulsive marks purer than any soap I've used.

Here I am, in the same situation as my body is immobile before another. Yet this time, I want to stay in his arms forever.

"Shizu-chan..." I moan as I writhe under him, feeling his teeth on my neck and his tongue on my skin. His touches leaves me begging for more no matter how many times he kisses me.

Shizu-chan... being in love with you is damn painful. I'm constantly insecure as I'm left with wonder as to why this man has chosen me. Why this man has fallen for me?

Orihara Izaya is a man to be desired by many. After all, I'm intelligent as well as good looking. I'm charming and charismatic. I'm good with my mind as well as my tongue and I know exactly what can make a human being tick and know what to say or do to please them.

I'm a man of many skills, be it physically, psychologically, mentally or even sexually. I'm rich enough to provide a wealth for my partner that she or he cannot even dream of.

But I know more than anyone, Heiwajima Shizuo doesn't need any of it.

He doesn't need someone who's smart. He doesn't need someone who's rich. He doesn't need someone charismatic, someone skilled in bed, someone good with jokes, someone who can entertain him, someone who can provide with all the mundane needs of a daily life.

With all my 'better qualities' turned nil, I know I'm left with nothing but filth. The dark side of the human nature.

The side that angers him, the side he hates, the side that turns him into a raging monster.

I know how undesirable I am more than anyone. A deceitful liar, a coward and a hypocrite. The list goes on endlessly.

And you wonder why his frowns makes me insecure, wondering if I've finally over stepped my lines and he'll turn his back to me forever.

Shizu-chan...

I want to... trust you.

But it scares me to give that much control to someone who used to hate me to the point of wanting to kill me.

It frightens me to give so much power to someone, watching him hold my heart in his hand.

So easily crushable.

But those few days without you were much worse.

My heart was shattered to a million pieces.

Heh, at that point, there was only one true answer.

If my heart will be shattered without you anyway, there was only one road for me to take.

Forward.

"Shizu-chan..." I breathe again as his kisses and sucking intensifies. My body flushes at his touches and I can feel my cock throbbing once more with arousal.

I simply can't have enough of this man.

He pulls up finally, his eyes also filled with lust and I'm sure mine are as well.

Because damn, despite everything I'm thinking of... I want him.

Even if this man will kill me one day, I want him.

"Where else?" he asks, his lips moist.

I can't help but smile.

Reminiscing that night isn't as painful anymore as I stare into his beautiful liquid eyes. That set of eyes is mine. Because I know he only looks at me. Hell,  _he_  is mine and mine alone.

All of him.

The thought that I'm not alone anymore is such a peculiar consolation.

Even though I don't know where this road will take me and I still have no idea why he loves me...

…for now it just doesn't matter anymore. All the complications of this world melts away into nothingness and only one simple truth remains.

I love him. And for now, he loves me.

My heart is content with that for now.

… I'll get greedy for more later. Heh.

But back to his question, I still hesitate. My hand slightly shaking, I'm embarrassed as I turn away from his gaze to say... "Here."

And finger my entrance below.

I shiver, remembering how repulsive that touch was.

Because I remember that sick man's disgusting burns as he dug his finger inside me.

I feel my legs being lifted up slightly and I turn to look, wondering why he...

… all I see is his mop of blond mess until...

HOLY FU-

"Aaaah! Shiiit! Shizu-ch... nngh...!" I grip onto the bedsheets under me and gasp as I feel a moist wetness softly lick my entrance. Is he really...?

Nngh! He is!

Oh God, it  _is_  his tongue. That soft and wet texture had to be his tongue licking me! I struggle a bit but he holds me in place firmly, persistently licking me even as I hint to him that this is...

My legs are weak but he lifts them above, spreading me widely open. They dangle in the air uselessly, mocking me. Shit, this position is so damn embarrassing but...

...it feels so good! It's not fair!

 _Aaah...!_ I can't! It's... too much!

"Shizu...!" I cry out in warning, but obviously he ignores me.

It doesn't matter anymore. I know my complaints are half-hearted. Because my body wants him to continue. Instead I opt to hold tightly onto the bedsheets and grit my teeth, not wanting to further shame myself with my wanton moans.

But God, this man knows exactly how to embarrass me even further!

Because I can feel his tongue slowly entering me!

"Mmmng... Shizu... d-don't...!" my knuckles turn white from my grip. I tighten my walls around that luscious intruder inside me.  _Aaah... Aaahn...!_ I can feel his tongue lick me up, and massage my walls. I'm turned into nothing but a bunch of trembling limbs as I'm under his mercy. My mind swims in delirious euphoria as all I can think of his hot breath on my crotch and his devious tongue that teases me.

"Shi... Shizu... please..." except I don't even know what I'm pleading for anymore.

I'm left panting and breathless when he pulls out.

Shit, I'm already exhausted ! Yet I'm still craving for more.

"Anywhere else?" he asks in a husky voice. That voice alone would drive me crazy if it weren't for the fact that I'm forced to travel down that damn memory lane.

"Yeah... one more" I manage to say without sounding completely a weak trembling mess.

I raise my hand to touch my lips. I can see his gorgeous eyes focus on me once again. It pains me to say this so I hesitate. Because honestly, who'd want to kiss such a defiled mouth?

"Last one... where he shoved his..." I'm unable to complete that sentence.

Because he immediately kisses me.

He cups my face and pulls me to him, his caresses gentle yet firm, refusing to let me go.

It makes my chest ache.

Shizu-chan... how could I have ever doubted you?

His kisses deepen, his tongue washing over me as I sigh and relax into his passionate heat.

When I feel one of his hand leave my cheek to finger my now-slickened hole, I lift my hand to try to push him away, so I can speak.

"Sh... Shizu-chan, wait..." I gasp, trying to speak through his hungry kisses.

For once he actually listens to me and pauses, which is kind of nice. Though his lips are hovering just barely above mine, his warm breath brushing against me gently as if he's ready to take my lips again as soon as I'm finished with my request. Which is nicer, heh.

A split second of deja vu hits me as I'm reminded of that one time I told him to wait so we could move to my bed room.

The look of his enraged face is still imprinted in my head. Heh, how things have changed within just few days.

"The lube... is in my closet." I sigh, facing away as I expose my half-truth from that day. I am a bit afraid of him losing his temper but I decide to trust him one step at a time.

Despite my courage, I hastily add as I look back up at him, "Th-that day, I really needed to..."

I pause as I'm faced with his confused look. At least he didn't seem too angry.

"You didn't have an-" he starts but stops. Then he glares at me, but I know he doesn't mean it.

Because his eyes and lips are smiling.

"You'd think an informant would be good with  _details_."

Oh, so now you're scrutinizing my professional competency?

"Well, I'll have you know, I  _am_  good with details. I said it wasn't in my room. It was in my closet," I huff.

He rolls his eyes then he leans over to give me a quick kiss. He gets up to walk over to the closet.

I hide a small smile as I watch him. I make a mental note that he no longer gets angry at my tiny deceptions. This will be useful for future assessments on Shizu-chan, since I'm still trying to predict his moves.

Unpredictability is fun but it really is annoying if my heart is at stake.

"It's in the second drawer to your right." I say out loud as he rummages through my stuff.

He comes back once he finds the lube but he pauses right by the bed side and stares at me with an expression I can't quite read. Though my insecurities have mostly faded, I'm still a bit perturbed.

Why can't I read this man? Seriously!

"W-what?" I eye him when he eyes me back.

He just shakes his head a bit and smiles as he uncaps the bottle, sliding back on the bed. Hovering over me he says, "Nothing" as he pecks me on the corner of my mouth.

Wait, what?  _Nothing?_  That was definitely  _not_  nothing!

Before I can speak, he drags his teeth along my lower lips and nips at it, his melted chocolate eyes fastened onto my own eyes. I'm mesmerized. I didn't even know I was holding my breath until he closes his eyes and finally kisses me, his tongue gliding inside my mouth and taking control as his hot breath reminds me to breathe!

But before the glorious euphoria possesses my brain, I stubbornly try to push against him. My eyes lock on his as I demand an explanation.

"Hey, wait. What do you mean  _nothing,_  Shizu-chan?" I frown, my lips refusing his kisses until I get my answer.

His eyes flicker open and once again I drown in those eyes brimming with passion.

"I love you," he says simply with a smile that stops my heart.

Time freezes in that moment as the world stop revolving in its axis for that split second of eternity.

There is nothing and no one else but Shizu-chan and I.

Nothing mattered anymore. Our past history of hatred, the long held grudges, the jaded conception of the world, our clashing views of morale, or even how the gears of our hearts never seem to turn properly together because the shapes are mismatched... none of that mattered anymore.

Shizu-chan...

Shizu-chan... I...!

I gasp loudly in shock as his finger, now lubricated, rubs against my hole as a sign before entering me.

My hands reach out to hold him reflexively.  
"Shi... Shizu-chan..." I whine, my previous thoughts melting away as the time starts flowing again and my heart beats faster. His lips hover just above mine as he stares at me intently, embarrassing me further under his constant observation.

"W-wait, that's not fair! You totally avoided my question!" I yell out, realizing that he didn't answer me at all! He just shocked me out of my thoughts! Damn you Shizu, I'm not letting you get away this easily!

His eyes slightly twitch and glares down at me though his expression remains nonchalant and anger-free.

"Stingy," he tells me simply while inserting yet another finger inside me!

Who's the one stingy here? Besides, that answer again does  _not_  make sense!

"What do you mean sti-... nngh-aaan..." I gasp again as he intrudes my thoughts by dipping down to suck on my sensitive neck.

Damn you Shizu! You do this on purpose don't you! You  _know_  that I'm weak to your suckling on that particular spot!

He licks the now-sore spot that I'm sure will clearly leave a bruise in the morning. He pulls away briefly so I can see that small smile still present on his face.

"I meant exactly what I said." he says as he kisses my lips, his fingers continuously stretching me apart.

Fuck Shizu... …. shit! What the hell does  _that_  mean? What, the 'stingy' part or the 'I love you' part? Or both?

My brain muddles with all the hazy euphoria that is slowly enveloping me once again. Instead of trying to think of what Shizuo is saying, all my mind wants to focus on are those two teasing fingers that's toy-fucking with me!

"Sh... Shizu-chan's the one... who's... nngh..." I try to form my sentence but I can't seem to focus my thoughts on anything except how incredible those fingers feel inside me as rubs against my walls with its warm and wet lubricant. I roll my hip in tandem with those fingers that deliver me with bliss.

By the time he pulls his fingers out, my mind is unfocused and hazy. I'm trying to catch my breath while my need is throbbing as the blood still swirls in my lower abdomen when I feel something wet and hard poke my entrance. From the corner of my eye, I can see Shizuo toss the bottle on the bed while his now lubbed cock slowly stretches me and enters.

I shudder in pure bliss as I swallow him inside me.

My fingers clutch at the bed sheets, wrinkling the soft linen under my hand as I try to spread my legs and welcome him in. I can move a bit more but not by much. There's still no strength in my limbs as they uselessly sprawl out.

He leans forward and our eyes lock for that brief instant of trust.

_Haaangh…!_

"Shizu-chan…!" I moan shamefully when he shoves his damn large cock inside me with one long stride. My entire body is twitching and all my senses are focused on that heartbeat inside me, throbbing with a harmonizing rhythm I know so well.

God Shizu-chan… I…

My mind is blank like a white canvas ready to be painted with his touches when he looms above me to kiss my forehead with a gentle peck.

Dammit Shizu. You're lucky I love you!


	15. I Love You

 

**Izaya's POV  
-**

" _Mmmng…_ " I groan lightly as I feel his selfish need move inside me. I wish I had the strength to raise my arms and hook them around his neck. I want to feel his sweaty and damp hair cling to my fingers but all I can do is clutch tightly at the cool bed sheets under me that was gradually warming up to our body heat.

But I lose focus on these thoughts as his deep and slow undulating thrust possesses my body and consumes me with blazing fire. His hard rod greedily assaults my inner folds and overtakes my body and mind. I can't think or feel anything else except for his thrusts that force my body to buck under him.

A hand brushes away a lock on my sweaty forehead and I gaze up to see those soft honey-colored eyes looking down at me.

"Izaya…"

His voice alone sends shivers down my spine.

I've always liked my name but never have I craved to hear it said to me like the way he says it.

"What you said earlier… I want to hear it again."

Still panting heavily, my eyes widen in surprise at his sudden request.

"Wh… what?" I'm slightly confused at what he wants, my mind muddled with pure endorphin rushing throughout my body frantically.

A corner of his lips turn upward as he says, "Your confession."

My confe…?

Oh,  _that_.

Wait a minute.  _Why should I repeat myself?_

"What about it." I'm quite proud that I didn't stutter those words despite my heavy panting.

His eyes narrow.

Heh. Serves you right Shizu-chan~.

But then he pulls out and…

_Aaaah!_

F-fuck! Damn that brute, he just slammed his cock inside me without a warning!

That was my prostate dammit!

While I'm trying to blink away the white stars that's blinding my vision, his lips are already near my ears as his husky voice whispers, "'I love you', wasn't it?" and licks the hell of my ear.

I let out a stuttering sigh as my chest trembles and my ass tightens around that hot searing cock buried inside me.

"You'll have to joggle my memory,  _Shizu-chan~_  I don't quite remember it." I fight back despite being breathless with his enormous member stretching my inside.

Because seriously.  _Why should I have to repeat myself?_  Didn't I tell him I'm not going to?

Besides, shouldn't  _he_  be the one to say it to me first if he wants to hear me say it so badly?

He sighs and I can't help but smirk at his frustration.

Heh, Shizu-chan. If you want me to say it that badly than you sh-

"I love you."

My eyes widen in double shock as he stares at me firmly with his milk tea colored eyes.

Wait, that's not fa—

"I love you," he repeats as he nibbles and kisses my jaw line with a gentle suck.

Now that's  _really_  not playing fair!

"Y… you cheater! This is…. cheating…" I cringe as my voice falters when his tongue licks my ticklish skin.

There's a thrust and I gasp out loud involuntarily. Oh god,  _that_  felt  _way_  too good!

And then another thrust followed by another.

Oh god… r-right there!  _Aaah…!_  Right there!

"Sh-… Shizu… chan…" I moan his name as my weak arms wrap around his neck and hold on to him as he continuously thrusts into me, his lips locked onto my skin and his hot breath moist against me. I roll my hips the best I can to match up to him. His continued pounding makes me go crazy! I'm dizzy with overwhelming sensation as my entire mind and body only focuses on  _him_  again.

Seriously Shizu-chan. When you're inside me, I can't think of anything else or anyone else but you.

I just want to feel him. And only him. And nothing else matter as his cock pummels inside me so my muscle can memorize his possessive rhythm and beat.

Even through my muddled mind, I can hear him call out to me, his low husky voice saying, "I love you. I love you Izaya…" and I shiver at those words and his touch, everything is just overwhelming with sensation as I'm covered in his kisses and caresses.

Shizu-chan….  _why?_

I just don't understand why he…

… why he loves me this much.

" _Aaaah….!"_  I cry out at his particular sharp thrust that jams into my prostate, sending electrifying pleasure throughout my body. My heart accelerates to an alarming speed and I can feel myself coming very close.

"S-Shizu-chan… I.. I think…" I gasp for breath as I prepare for my orgasm.

Oh god… I… I think I'm gonna…!

…the  _fuck?_

I curse out loud when Shizuo grabs onto my cock and squeezes it down tightly, stopping me from my bliss that was less than a second away.

His thrust slows deliberately as I blink my eyes open in confusion and glare up at him. His face hovers over me, he too breathing hard. I can tell he wants to come too so why is he…?

"Not until I hear it."

The hazy euphoria and the pain from the denied orgasm swims in my head and swirls and clashes like oil and water.

I want to scream at him 'hear what?' but even with my unfocused mind, I know what he wants.

I bite my lower lips and cringe at the thought.

"You want this too." I manage to stumble those words out without sounding too pathetic. I hope.

Then he does something that's completely… not Shizu-chan. Or at least … I don't even know anymore…

He lays his forehead on me and sighs. Both of us still panting heavily, he says, "Will you stop being difficult?"

…

And I hear a desperate plea near the end of that sentence.

…

Shizu-chan…

I….

I'm caught in this moment, his breath heavy against me, his chest rising and falling, his arms wrapped around me possessively or perhaps just protectively… I don't really know.

I don't really understand.

And that frustrates me more than anything to not be in control of myself and my own situation.

It frightens me to bare myself open and let him rip out my heart and crush it.

Even if I've already made a decision, to reconfirm it again, to voice it and seal my fate is…

Terrifying.

I can feel my breath stutter and my chest heaving up and down as he holds me, waiting.

Waiting for me.

And I'm also waiting for myself to make that final choice between the two crossroads.

But that step feels like I'm stepping into thin air and falling down the cliff.

I still don't even know why he loves me and I'm still not guaranteed that he wouldn't leave me as soon as I…

Ah… dammit. These are just stupid excuses anyway.

"F-fine." I huff.

"I love you." I mutter those words barely above a whisper. I dare not look at him in the eye.

**Shizuo's POV - Pre-rimming xD  
-**

His eyes pull away from my gaze, looking embarrassed as his hand travels down and a finger sweeps over his entrance.

"Here."

I nearly growl. But I know I have to compress the surging anger I have for the man who so disgustingly violated him. Izaya doesn't need the antagonism.

He needs...

I eye the pale skin skeptically.

I've never done  _that_... I kind of wonder what his response would be.

Following my curiosity, I rest my hands on his cheeks and pry them apart, leaning down to give an experimental lick. His body jumps.

"Aaaah!"

Well that was definitely not an discouraging sound. I boldly flatten my tongue between his cheeks, moving down and then slowly back up.

"Shiiit! Shizu-ch... nngh...!"

His body is restless, squirming within my hold. Such a positive response both surprises and excites me, and in one easy move I pull him upward, letting his legs dangle in the air over my shoulders. Thumbs kneading into the soft flesh on either side of me, I continue to use my tongue, swirling it around the puckered, twitching entrance.

I'm vaguely aware of him calling my name again, in a voice gasping for air. Damn, does it really feel that good? His deep, appreciative moans and thrashing body are turning me on immensely. This position feels so... well, a little embarrassing, but... intimate.

I brush my lips over the reddened skin and suck lightly, almost a representation of a kiss, before sliding my tongue out again and pushing it against him.

"Mmmng... Shizu... d-don't...!"

Making my tongue pointier, I push it inside, marveling at the new texture. My breathing is clumsy with my lips parted wide and nose mashed against his skin, but it's completely irrelevant as my tongue reaches deep, moving in and out incessantly. Pushing and prodding. I'm about to lose it to pure, carnal desire when I feel his hips straining to move closer, wanting more of the tongue fucking him, and my God, the sounds coming from those lips...!

"Shi... Shizu... please..."

I shakily pull back, gently lowering him back down to the bed as I take a few deep breaths to control myself. My face feels hot.

"Anywhere else?" I ask, my voice gravely from the need to clear my throat. He visibly hesitates.

"Yeah... one more."

Slowly, he moves his fingers up to his parted lips, looking so ashamed; so disgusted...

"Last one... where he shoved his..."

I cup my hands around and underneath the soft skin of his chin and cheeks, pulling him toward me without a single doubt in my mind.

It was for him. As the kiss deepens and my tongue claims every single nook and cranny of his mouth, I can only hope I'm washing away the sick memory of that night. But maybe it was for me, too. To ease the pain of  _knowing_ , even if I didn't allow it to be said aloud.

Damn I love kissing him. The way he responds so readily, and knowing that I'm the only one who can produce such a reaction out of him...

Breathing deeply through my nose, because damn it, I don't want to pull away, I reach down between his legs to run teasing circles around his entrance. My lower regions pulsate in excitement when my finger presses against the wet, puckered hole.

"Sh- Shizu-chan, wait..." He gasps, trying to pull away from my seeking lips. With restraint, I completely stop, though I keep my lips a centimeter away from his, breathing in his own air. I love being so close to him, seeing those brilliant scarlet eyes up close, "... the lube... is in my closet."

What?

Lube?

But I just... I'm fine with saliva...?

Wait, you didn't even  _have_ -

"Th- that day, I really needed to..." He tries to explain, confusing me further. I try to think back to that day, remembering my frustration as he told me there was no lube in his room...

"You didn't have any..."

I trail off as I stare at his guilty face, catching on to the keywords said then and now.

This little brat. Truth be told, I probably would have never even thought of it if I wasn't used to his conniving personality.

I glare at him humorously.

"You'd think an informant would be good with  _details_."

At that, my raven puffed up like an angry bird.

"Well, I'll have you know, I  _am_  good with details. I said it wasn't in my room. It was in my closet."

Oh, his closet. Of  _course_.

Rolling my eyes along with the sarcastic thought, I lean forward to place a quick kiss to his forehead before going in search of said lube.

His closet is one of those walk-in, really spacious ones with drawers and shelves and everything. It could almost be made into a small bedroom.

Completely unnecessary.

But not for Izaya.

Looking upward, I exhale with one quick huff of air, wondering, again, what I'm getting into with this guy.

Not that I would change my mind.

"It's in the second drawer to your right." I hear his voice say behind me when I start opening drawers. Sure enough, the bottle is lying on its side in the second drawer.

Little bastard. He not only spun the truth before, but he knew exactly where it was!

Yet, the irritation and anger that usually accompanies one of his little stunts is no longer present. It's... endearing, in a way. It feels good to know that I'm the person who knows the mysterious Orihara Izaya more than anyone, annoying little quirks and all.

It feels good to know he's lying on that bed, waiting for me to come back to him. Because he wants me to.

Running my eyes over every inch of his body, I'm struck with the thought that this is the first time I'm going to make him mine as an established couple.

… not that we really went over the technicalities of this relationship, but two confessions count, right?

Fucking better have.

This time, there wasn't going to be that ugly moment of feeling like shit afterward. There wasn't going to be the heart-wrenching thought of imagining another man doing the same things.

He was finally undoubtedly  _mine_.

"W-what?"

My eyes snap up to his own, and I notice his apprehensive expression.

Ah... guess I kind of zoned out staring at him.

Shaking my head softly, I smile in reassurance, sliding back on the bed. I pop the cap off the bottle in my hands.

"Nothing," I chaff, leaning over to peck him on the corner of the mouth. I find myself growing rather fond of giving him these little kisses. With his lips so close, I don't fight the temptation to take the bottom one between my teeth, tenderly scraping the plump flesh.

Our eyes lock, and the intensity in his gaze is slowly igniting that flame of desire in me again. Sweet words and gestures are always nice, but...

Molding our mouths together, I kiss him – really kiss him – and carefully squeeze some of the lube into my hand.

The insides of his mouth are hot and pliant, his tongue slickly sliding along my own...

Suddenly, I feel pressure on my chest, and it isn't until those lips disconnect from mine that I realize he's actually pushing me away.

"Hey, wait. What do you mean  _nothing_ , Shizu-chan?" Izaya demands, eye flashing in irritation.

I want to laugh and scoff at the same time.

Laugh at the stubbornness I know all to well.

Scoff at the fact he's hung over that when I'm  _clearly_  wanting to have my way with him.

So difficult.

He wants to know why I was staring at him, hm? Well, there are many reasons... emotions that I can't even begin to explain, much less have time for, because damn it,  _I want him_.

So I'll just sum them all up with a phrase that speaks a million words.

"I love you," I say, pinning his gaze beneath my own.


	16. Precious

 

**Shizuo's POV  
-**

In his eyes lay a plethora of swirling emotions as he gazes up at me, shocked, overwhelmed, and unsure. My heart slams against my chest, in a steady rhythm of bum, bum, bum... warm and wild and entirely for him.

How many times will I have to say it?

How many times will I have to prove it to you?

It doesn't matter how many times it takes. I'll say it until my throat is sore. I'll battle out all this uncertainty and aggravation until there's nothing else to give.

I'll show you you're loved.

But it's a two-way street, Izaya, one that I know you're unwilling to walk down. Letting your emotions out in the open, breaking down that mask that hides you from the world; I know it's difficult. But I need to know.

Call me selfish, call me a protozoan, whatever you need to do.

Once isn't enough for me.

I can feel his fingers dig into my shoulders when I slip a finger passed that tight ring of muscle and bury it deep inside his hot walls.

"Shi... Shizu-chan..."

I lean closer as my name washes over me, just enough to hover over his lips, breath in his air... he quivers when I rock my hand, softly burying my finger again and again, feeling him stretch easily with the aid of lube.

My gaze never leaves his, waiting.

I see defiance before I hear it.

"W-wait, that's not fair! You totally avoided my question!" He objects, looking positively frustrated with the situation. I can feel my eye twitch, that frustration rubbing off on me.

Damn it, why'd I have to fall in love with one of the most stubborn guys on the plan- no, in the universe?

Are three words that hard to say?

"Stingy," I sigh, inserting another finger and scissoring them, pressing my palm against his ass.

I was going to hear him say those words again before the night was over.

"What do you mean sti-"

Eyebrows furrowing at his one-track mind, I swing my head down and attach my lips to his neck, sucking rather brutally.

"Nngh-aaan..." His response shoots straight down to my cock, and with a barely audible groan of my own, I pull back from his neck, stretching the bruised skin until it pops back into place. Licking my lips, I raise to meet him again with a small smile.

He watches with rapt attention.

"I meant exactly what I said," I breath, ghosting my lips across his cheek, to his lips, where I lay a quick, yet loving kiss. His breathing is harsh against my face while I quicken the rhythm of my fingers, rolling and teasing, reaching deep inside. I know it's driving him crazy, because his hips are circling, pushing back into my fingers, seeking more.

My cock throbs in jealousy of the fingers nestling in that wet warmth, and Izaya looks flushed and dazed and God-damn beautiful, enough to break my will of patience. I swiftly tug my fingers out, hastily reaching for the bottle of lube. I squeeze some into my hand, kneading it in my palm to warm it, throwing the bottle some random place before wrapping the hand around my manhood.

I swallow a moan as I pump, forcing myself to simply make sure my cock is coated before I lift Izaya's ass up just a bit and press the head against his opening.

I hold my breath as I lean forward, pushing myself in. His body is shuddering, gasping, pulling me in while his fingers grip the bedsheets.

He's so sexy like this.

Needing to be closer, I lean over his body, locking eyes with him before I thrust myself completely inside.

"Shizu-chan…!" He moans loudly, the sound melting into gasps of pleasure. With my forearms and hands tightly held against his sides, holding him, feeling him move with every thrust, my hips jerk and roll wildly, my abdomen hitting the soft skin of his ass with every forward motion.

" _Mmmng_...!"

Yes.

Feel me, Izaya.

Know only me.

A bead of sweat trickles down the side of my face, my cock driving desperately in and out of the raven as his own engorged flesh bounces between us, and it's just so fucking  _good_  that I don't want to stop, but...

I brush a lock of hair away from his forehead, getting his attention.

"Izaya..." I call softly, between heavy breaths, "What you said earlier… I want to hear it again."

I can tell the statement catches him off-guard.

"Wh... what?" He asks breathlessly, still pushing back into my hips. With a deep breath, I slow my thrusts a bit, trying to keep my mind clear. And his, for that matter.

"Your confession," I remind him, hoping that things will just flow simply for once.

But it's Izaya. Of course they can't.

He actually has the nerve to  _scowl_.

"What about it?"

Ugh, you little-

Rearing my hips back, I slam hard into him to show my frustration. He doesn't seem the least bit concerned with my words, however, as his mouth opens in a silent scream, looking downright euphoric. Despite myself, I smirk at the expression, knowing I must have hit a sweetspot. Regaining the rhythm I had lost, I leaned down, my lips tickling his ear.

"'I love you', wasn't it?" I prod, moving my head to follow the curve of his ear as I lick the skin. I shiver when his insides tighten around me.

"You'll have to joggle my memory, Shizu-chan~ I don't quite remember it."

Son of a-

Maybe I  _shouldn't_  have let you continue to think rationally!

Towering over him, I stare down, taking in that damned little smirk on his face. He's doing this on purpose. It's riling me up and he knows it.

Well, sorry to disappoint, Izaya, but things are a little different now.

"I love you."

The words flow from my mouth like they are the most natural things in the world. It's enough to make that infuriating smirk falter, and those gorgeous eyes widen. By the distress on his face, I know he's about to say something... deny something...

"I love you," I repeat, trying to avoid such a thing, grazing my teeth across his jawline.

"Y... you cheater! This is..."

I trail my tongue across his smooth skin, causing his sentence to falter.

"... cheating..."

"I love you," is all I can reply with, nuzzling against him as I snap my hips forward without abandon. He writhes in my hold, moaning, rolling along side me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

"Sh-... Shizu... chan..."

I breathe harshly against the side of his face, muttering those three words and his name, over and over... it's all I can wrap my mind around. He feels so incredible, tightening around me, warm and wet, sucking me in over and over...

"Aaaah...!" He cries, arching against me, his hips jerking wildly, "S-Shizu-chan... I.. I think..."

With his trembling body in my hands, I know he's close.

And that's why, with an extreme amount of control on my part, I reach down between us and grab hold of his throbbing cock. I squeeze the base, slowing my movements until I'm pumping in and out of him agonizingly slow.

I can feel his body screaming at me, and I smile fondly when he curses out loud. Bleary eyes are revealed when he blinks his eyes open in confusion, before they turn to slits. I know he wants to say more, but all he can do is swallow gulps of air.

"Not until I hear it," I state firmly, knowing he'll understand.

He bites his lower lip, looking near in pain as he clings to me. But even in such circumstances, he refuses to give up.

It disheartens me just a bit.

"You want this too," he accuses, and I can hear the soft plea behind those words. I just wish he'd be more honest with it. I'm tired. I've been in love with this man for so long, been on an emotional roller coaster ride, and now I want at least a chip of a sense of security.

I feel my head fall until my forehead rests on his, and I close my eyes, feeling the warmth all around me. I sigh, whispering words almost desperately, because I want to hear his response so much...

"Will you stop being difficult?"

Just for now.

I need this.

It's almost comical, how completely taken I am by you.

So I wait.

In the dark, in the silence, I wait with a nervous heartbeat.

"F- fine," he says, his breath puffing against my face. I open my eyes expectantly, seeing his own gaze drift somewhere else even as he says the words I've been wanting to hear in a mere whisper, "I love you."

* * *

**Izaya's POV**

I can  _hear_  him smile as he says, "Took you long enough."

A growl forming at his words, I snap my eyes back at him to retaliate when he leans forward and kisses away my retort. He lets go of my cock and my body immediately swoons as he thrusts into me again.

" _Aah-aaah…_ " I gasp as pleasure ripples through me, my small frame unable to retain it inside.

"S-Shizu-chan…!" Moaning his name, I tighten my hold of this beautiful blond I don't want to let go, my body arching to meet his.

There's nothing and everything in this moment as the world turns blinding white before me. I shudder, the glorious euphoria capturing me as he delivers me to heaven. There's nothing but ecstasy as I unload my seed exploding out as he continues to thrust inside. My toes curl around the sheets, my fingers claw at his back as Shizu-chan too comes, his muscles trembling with the passion. I close my eyes as the warm mess fills my inside and shiver some more at the elating sensation.

I'm caught in this rapture, ensnared in his protective arms and his hard body. My eyes flutter heavy with the afterglow and my body feels the pounding of his chest on top of mine.

I'd give up everything to be in his arms forever and there's nothing else I want more than just  _him._

 

* * *

 

**Shizuo's POV**

I can feel my chest swell in happiness when those words are finally muttered, finally confirmed. I smile at him fondly, though he's still being stubborn and avoiding my gaze.

"Took you long enough," I tease, waiting until his irritated eyes flash back to mine before swooping down and stealing a kiss. Releasing his throbbing flesh, and dig my hand into his hip and desperately rock in and out of him. The pressure builds again rapidly due to holding myself back all this time.

"Aah-aaah…" His rushed moan replaces any sharp retort he had ready to fire at me, and I hold on tighter to his wracking frame, because it's so hot and so close and just a bit more...

"S-Shizu-chan...!" He cries, my name loud in my ears as he arches up and trembles, spilling his seed between us. I gasp at the sensation of his walls tightening around me, only able to stand the compact heat a couple more thrusts before I dive deep inside of him and explode, white spots dancing in my vision.

The moment I'm spent, my muscles relax and I carefully lay on top of the one I love, burying my face in his neck as I try hard to catch my breath. The smell of sweat and sex assaults my nose, and I sigh contentedly, the faint taste of salt from his skin lingering on my lips.

* * *

**Izaya's POV**

"Shizu-chan's heavy..." I whine, despite the fact that I do want him to continue to hold me... it's a bit embarrassing to let him know I actually _like_  his company.

I'm not planning to be that  _easy_  just because he forced me to say some stupid words, hmph.

"Too bad."

I blink as he smirks and  _tightens his hold on me_. The fuck! Hey! Brute! Get off!

"Shizu-chan!" I whine some more, pushing him away with my hands and my feet until he chuckles and rolls off.

That's when I realized something. The drug must have worn off.

Finally!

"Oh hey, I can move!" I curl my fingers then unfold them as a test.

Before I can celebrate, Shizu-chan wraps on arm around me pulls me back in, saying, "Well you're not going anywhere right now."

What?

Oh no you don't!

I struggle and slip underneath, easily escaping his monstrous clutches. Instead I get on top of him, straddling my legs around his waist. Licking my lips, I lower my gaze and purr, "Oh no you don't big boy. This time,  _I'm_  going for a ride."

* * *

**Shizuo's POV**

"Shizu-chan's heavy..."

I almost laugh. The bubbly sensation of excitement dances in my chest, and paired with the afterglow fogging my senses, it is one of the most amazing feelings in the world.

Incredible, how  _good_ mere words can make you feel.

Even when the stubborn little raven tries to act like they are no big deal.

"Too bad," I say challengingly. Tilting the corners of my lips upward, I do the exact opposite of what he wants and tighten my hold on him, keeping his lean body stuck underneath my own.

My grin only widens when his nose scrunches up in annoyance.

"Shizu-chan!" He whines, attempting to dislodge my body from his own. It's a useless endeavor, so I decide to play nice and let him off the hook by rolling to his side.

I immediately miss the warmth of his body.

"Oh hey, I can move!" He spoke suddenly, flexing a hand out in front of him.

I'm tempted to make a sarcastic remark, something that would insinuate I wasn't happy about his mobility. Hey, I kinda liked having the almighty Izaya depend on me. But that might lead to his stubborn ass getting prickly on me, and I was quite content with the way things were right now.

So instead, I reach over and wrap my arm around his torso, dragging him closer to me.

"Well you're not going anywhere right now," I answer, and am not surprised at the immediate struggle.

I  _am_ surprised when he pushes me on my back, crawling on top of me. But it's a good kind of surprise, especially when that little pink muscle darts from his mouth to wet those thoroughly kissed lips, eyelids half-mast over searing ruby irises.

"Oh no you don't big boy," he all but purrs, and I'm pretty sure a bomb could explode outside the apartment building and I would be none-the-wiser with how much he's grabbed my attention, "This time  _I'm_ going for a ride."

* * *

**Izaya's POV**

His caramel eyes stare up at me, his expression melting from slightly stunned to one of his gorgeous smile I rarely see, and already I could feel my limbs falter at the sight.

Swallowing hard, I lean forward, my fingers brushing past his cheeks and curling into his golden locks as my lips meet his.

How I love him. Words I know I will always have difficulty saying, but at least I hope he'll feel with my lips on his.

* * *

**Shizuo's POV**

I ghost my fingers down his arms, responding to the kiss with a loving fervor reserved for him and him alone.

I love him almost too damn much.

* * *

**Izaya's POV**

As our tongues mingle my mind continuously whispers over and over again.

Shizu-chan.

Shizu-chan...

* * *

**Shizuo's POV**

Izaya.

Izaya...

* * *

**Izaya's POV**

You are...

* * *

**Shizuo's POV**

You are...

* * *

**Shizuo's and Izaya's POV**

So precious to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END. :3
> 
> Thank you guys so much for all the comments and sorry it took so long to get this ending out, hehe~ We both had a lot of fun writing this, and it's our very first finished collab, so WOO :D POWER TO THE FLUFF.
> 
> We'd also like to mention that there is a theme song for this story, one that we listened to over and over and over again while writing this. It is "Stay" by SafetySuit. Go check it out; amazing song :)
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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